awakened

i had one of the most miserable nites so far during my xmas holiday tis yr, i dragged myself out of bed today. its been ages since i feel down to work.
the weather has been bloody cold n e wind has numbed me while walking on the streets
it just proves me someting after e call last nite.

there is a little voice in me which tells me hes like a bond. slow n stable , low risk n worth the time for investment
i finally wake up n decide to nt to tink further
it drains too much of my energy.
i check up on the net to find e testimonial deleted , i tink i can expect the worst outcome.
some tings cant b forced
he doesnt puts in effort
hes too passive
hes insincere
if hes unwilling to accomodate so y in the hell he wanted to b in relationship in the first place
i have a valid reason to doubt coz i m most likely insecure, he does nothin to earn my trust
trust has to be accumulated gradually
i have a feel tat i m always kept in the dark, we already dun communicate much, or even sms. if he doesnt open up , i m really clueless
i felt tat iwas talking to air. cant help but was deeply disappointed tat he should turn out to b such ppl i suddenly dunno like a stranger.
e anxiety , e tension , was all for nothing
n i have been a complete fool doing all sorts of crap n effort .