FUCK CARE E EX

我要快乐

e sky is as gloomy as my mood

learn to forget . tats e best solution
do not harbour any more hopes of some asshole
self mutilating myself by crying doesnt help
i can help myself by being happy.. really genuinely happy for myself
hey bastard if u happen to read tis. good riddence to you
i wonder whos e next fool t waste time on you. n pls if u continue like this . pls remain single then

holiday to b alone

for 2 nites ppl who ask me out kept me waiting like 2-3 hr consecutively

ultimately this has made me rather melancholy

holiday mood has been spoilt

ultimately tis caused some distress

i have nt been myself lately

havent regain e bubbly self

have been spending time alone more to calm down

a rough nite. getting to bed. but i did it..

a rough nite. getting to bed. but i did it..

get over it plans for PH TML

anyway today is PH eve

hahahhahahAHAHAHHAHA

hermit..

retreat in my little shell n recuperate

need a nice sleep n slumber to recharge

fresh air to breathe

really no wish to dwell on the past

besides having a gd cry listenting to those sad songs.
maybe i shouldnt really have met up with him again
anyway i will move on .. no worries
its part n parcel
its just tat after i took so long to get used to now. i have fresh slash of heartache over again.. thanks for my own obstinate n stubborness

suddenly i just want to be alone

sometimes it nt good to know too much where you realize there is too much bitching around you need to know who are your frens & your foe i just found out how annoying & easily irritable i was . n here i m blogging out of my usual spot. @ e work panel. somehow tings just got out of hand n it seem to affect my work performance as well my attitude towards other people just got the worse out of me. its like not the usual me i oso wonder y i flare up so easily recently as if the whole world was against me especially to men . the fuse snapp easily ,, i cant sleep well insonmia acts on me n basically i behave like some moron on the loose. luckily the people around me do not bear grudges but perhaps its high time i wont let the emotion get better of me n start attacking innocent parties around me. could be due to information overload & the inability to analyse properly , rationally is just not same old sam i know. i should try my best to get some decent sleep, n stop the topic about tat idiotic creature again whos nt worth my trouble or effort its causing people much distress n causing me to lose my cool as well . just not worth it over such a scum i should have known better. luckily i was smart enough to break out of this whole cycle of the "potential ordeal again" by pulling the handbrake. its as if vending the accumulated anger on some victim actually come to think about it.. i was so harsh as well. towards the foe as well as the innocent parties somehow or rather i grown to appreciate the wonderful things around me n i guess the forumn of others inspire me to move on despite the veri fact of the reminises that i m fond of. all this should come to and end as it would not bring about a future as well with such candidate. after this i guess. he should come to a common understanding that he should not mess around n ruin some other gal's life with his kind of attitude,

.................................

its almost 3 in the morning... my ex bf tried to reconcile with me... but hes passive bitch who is veri bo chap// so after 6 months .. he suddenly wanted to meet up out of e blue , n silly me still met up with him after exam foolishly thinking that hes going to change but sad to say hes not sincere at all n sstill treats me like part time .. i flare up after 10 days of consideration .. n i msg him in MSN veri harsh language.. e.g to ask him to FUCK OFF MY LIFE, ! n DUN WASTE MY TIME.
right now there is another guy who is nice to me caring n all but i cant accept him yet although hes a better choice..
i ahven been mentally tired managing my sales team when there is no boss n i have this stupid problem which afffects my sleep.. n tis must happen during my term break
anyway i have finally convinced myself to let go of such a lousy ex . n it was pointless to carry on anyway..
but 1 hr later i was veri guilty that i flare up at someone i still have feelings for although he such a bastard. i wonder y in work i can be so decisive .. for work i can firmly reject HR n tell them i will defer my transfer till my team is stable when the new manager come inbut y in such case i cannot make a clean decision instead

Sam

its nt an easy nite for me 29/5/07

its nt easy for me to take the last resort to make a harsh decision n comments
such as
F*** off my life!
YOU ARE NOT A GD BF
STOP WASTING MY TIME & UR TIME
U NEVER CHANGE N U NEVER NEVER WILL CHANGE!!
WITH THAT THE LAST PHRASE WAS , I HATE YOU!
luckily e above was in msn n not face to face..
such a passive sissy bastard..
1 hr after i fcuked tat idiot, i begin to feel bad n guilty for such display of behavior
n i begin to sob.. tat i used some harsh language on someone i loved deeply
my heart cringes whenever i tink back i m so horrid person,,

plans... n more observation

i made a bit of thinking process since the met up with him, the issue of incompatibility still strikes in the thought process.
n perhaps which is probabbly true that certain tings cant be mended.
it still under much observation. i dun dare to dream on whether things can be improved. i rather hang on the "moment'
work is much anticapated as i have decided to stay put in this sales team after much thinking . to move on after 6 months when i tink i m more ready to the upgraded title n job scope, no use forcing myself to accomodate when i got no time for work commitment

freaking fri

its been the 5th day since i got back to work.. still veri sleepy coz i have been sleeping for only 5-6 hours this week, hopefully i can sleep more during the weekends
last nite i manage to solve n get to a solution on my internal transfer n deployment problem
although it is not a nice move. i have no choice but to.
after e tennis . i wish that i can sleep normally tonite.. i need a good rest to recharge, have too much things going on in my mind.
i wonder how r things getting on in brisbane.. with my dad and my niece n nephew over there , bro n sister in law as well

once again to make a decision-- @ a cross junction

Oe...embrace says:
only u? 2 where?
Psychedelical says:
long story
Psychedelical says:
managment decision
jOe...embrace says:
2 where?
Psychedelical says:
hr wants me to consider
Psychedelical says:
n reply them soon
Psychedelical says:
i should b i mnt
jOe...embrace says:
wat's yr worry?
Psychedelical says:
i m nt confident
jOe...embrace says:
re-adapt?
Psychedelical says:
Psychedelical says:
esp when i got only 1 more yr in uni
Psychedelical says:
i didnt tink tat far. just tot of staying in this neighbourhood friendly client base
jOe...embrace says:
is true, esp if u r so used 2 the environment n pple....
jOe...embrace says:
so wat if u tell HR yr opinion?
Psychedelical says:
coz it was e CM idea to swop me out
jOe...embrace says:
he dun like u?
Psychedelical says:
last month when i was nt ard. performace index drop veri badly
Psychedelical says:
last in the network among 60 branches
Psychedelical says:
n my referral rate was affected partly becoz of e br. low walk in rate
Psychedelical says:
so these 2 contriButing factors..
jOe...embrace says:
poor u...
Psychedelical says:
actually my colleague suggested i upgrade to premier banking
Psychedelical says:
RO position i m nt conifident enough
Psychedelical says:
with private clients
jOe...embrace says:
if u upgrade 2 premier banking, i'll let u handle my a/c...
Psychedelical says:
Psychedelical says:
i got to reply to HR soon n arange for the interview to b done
Psychedelical says:
o whether its a move now
Psychedelical says:
or should i hop to UOB instea
Psychedelical says:
instead
jOe...embrace says:
uob hunt u?
Psychedelical says:
no la my classmate is in UOB say nt environemt
Psychedelical says:
no need referral similar type of scope
Psychedelical says:
serously if tis offer had came 1 yr later, i would nt be in such predicament
jOe...embrace says:
wat is yr plan?
Psychedelical says:
maybe compare ard
Psychedelical says:
check out other banks as well as internal employment seriously,
Psychedelical says:
my boss told me tis while iwas having lunch in the pantry so after hearing tat, i cant finish my lunch
Psychedelical says:
headache man tot i can rest during my term break n this must happen.. life is such a twist
jOe...embrace says:
b calm, i kw is a difficult moment. but jst speak yr heart 2 them.
Psychedelical says:
I am so used to neighborhood friendly base,, its such a tough decision
Psychedelical says:
as a matter of fact i oso told tis boss i have only 1 more yr in sch ..
Psychedelical says:
My BM is deployed to china so the new one. coming to take over so its like in a mess
Psychedelical says:
i have a fellow colleague who has trs to premier recently . she told me she woud me .. i would probabbly k her opinioin
Psychedelical says:
recently i hacent been Sleeping well , coz e tons of left over had to b cleared by month end
Psychedelical says:
n tis should happen
Psychedelical says:
i slept only 4-5 hrs only. waking up in betwn. coz i had tis Bad feeling.. after my colleague told me abt our veri Bad performance

someting which i took down frm a fellow fren's blog

Most of the times good things seldom happen to us. What we see are all the bad things in life. Sometimes when we encounter problems we always asked ourselves why should we enduring such kind of pains? Who cause the pains? How to ease the pains? I think the pains that we are enduring is our own choices. We choose pain in a certain situations and sometimes whether we like it or not we still feel the pain. Maybe this is a test for us on how strong we are and to build us to be a stronger person. I think in every circumstance it does always depend on us how we look at things and how we approach problems whether we see it in a negative or positive way.Whether we like it or not in LIFE there would always be an up and down and there would be happiness and bitterness. Without all this life will be meaningless. Anyway life still goes on. Times will not wait for us.To make life more interesting just to remember the good things that had happen to us. This can cheers us through out our whole life.

sam

0240

240507

take tings as they come

putting in effort, n hope things will turn out fine

gd start

wake up @ 5. 50 am today . hope its a gd sign n oso a gd start

i made a decision to take a chance

take a chance first.

i tink i still cant get over him

ya.. i cannot tink properly
give myself more time..
i cant force myself

getting back to work after a 3wk break

make a wise decision
evaluate choices.
accept someone new or rekindle fond memories with the old flame.

fucking confussed again .similar episode

its bee n averi long weekend. after e luxurious massage.. e gals.. e gathering . soccer watch ex fling episode.. i dunno if i m in the correct state of mind to think.
i didnt know i got e mental strength to push him away
seriously i was happy tat i met up with him, but @ e same time when he pop up abt patching up. i got e jitters.i hate losing. really hate it
veri confused.. we did it,, yes... i was visualising a welcome hug. i missed e bear .e bear hug my lost n found love.
time....think carefully

first day of summer holiday

its a fresh start . ending of an academic yr.

last paper was quite a painful process

i missed out an important acc statement. B/S i pray i will pass...

never want to go t through e same round on the same topic again..

finally.. reaching e finishing line soon..so close

exactly 12hrs frm now
so much anxiety n formula to squeeze in//
infor overload
i need a cold shower to wake myself up.. its been ages since i stay up whole nite just to revise..

1 more to go n more struggling.. no more theory ..pscheydelical

yeah... last paper...
psychedelical indeed
too much theory will make u nuts
for the first time i loved my calculator..
lookinf forward to massage again..
pa is flying off tml nite.. haiz...
stock up on lots groceries so i dun have to go out a lot but still get food
formulas...

15/5/07 start of e battle

in another 12 hrs it another gruelling round once again .. after e power maggi mee n soon to gulp nescafe,,, life i so much rosier..having a nap..lots of tea during the day n by focusing your thoughts nt to sleep helps..speed reading has been a knack of skilln e more determined you r to pursue someting it just gets the better of u
i overheard a short slip of a story n radio about a clever jockey,

the story revolves about this jockey. in fact a few jockeys were trying to tame a wild horse but was unable to. they tried means n ways .. but once they forced it n try to ride it, it would run loose . however this particular jockey took a long n good look at his wild horse.. examined it throughly and discovered a pointed metal object on one of the horse' hooves. so the morale of the story was simply not to jump in to problem straight away before finding the root of the issue.
veri often even myself, failed to be sharp in noticing errors or the " real problem" this causes distress among urself when u cant keep your cool to ration out your thoughts,
so after knowing the story. tis brings me to applying in my upcoming's exams or other matters be it personal or work. to observe carefully before coming to a rash conclusion without a thought for the rest. n it takes just extra few more mins or time to come to a better conseus and understanding
it has been a rough n long day. memorising concepts & sociological theories
count down. again to the last paper.. FRI>>>>>

f***king pissed with some colleague

sun call me today call me. email her oso like no use for a stupid pic..
email her fine cannot receive. ok reply her say will pass her on sat still not happy
spoiler . spoil my nap call me for such nonsense.
si bei bui zhi dong..
so irritating !!
email her already./ reply her still nt enough sun received her call already bui song. today still test my patience, KNN.. i veri bek jek already lack of sleep still come n call me on such nonsense
i must calm down !!looking forward to sat.. SPA....

f***king pissed with some colleague

sun call me today call me. email her oso like no use for a stupid pic..
email her fine cannot receive. ok reply her say will pass her on sat still not happy
spoiler . spoil my nap call me for such nonsense.
si bei bui zhi dong..
so irritating !!
email her already./ reply her still nt enough sun received her call already bui song. today still test my patience, KNN.. i veri bek jek already lack of sleep still come n call me on such nonsense
i must calm down !!looking forward to sat.. SPA....

afraid of letting go to accept something new

if love can bring 2 people together, y is tat it also leads them away

one had to go thru separation, heart broken, moving on, and a cycle of accepting someone else

a normal bgr revolves the various stages.. like team forming from inital awkwardness to total blissfulness & at ease..

i m seeking someone who i can rely on.. a sort of brotherly love that prolongs even when i m in a relationship

but its so difficult . might take a whole lifetime to get to know tat someone.. SO..

n when incidents happen .it might strike to u separation is inevitable

after wolfing down 2 donuts. it feels like heaven , while listening to dylan guo's heart wrenching tunes.its recuperating forcing myself to concentrate on a relatively warm afternoon. can only absorb 40% of the content. so i m nw.ritually bloggin out of habit again.
a well deserved break on next sat with a full 2 hrs of massage, body scrub & jaquzzi, but before that is another7 days of gruellingn heavy intensive revision.
after all. only 1chance to show what we can prove our understanding. miss this n we got to redo all this agonising process on the same lousy units again
it took me while to decide if i would want to include him in this well deserved retreat.
e objective is a test to me to get over it and convince myself its not possible between us
telling myself n e actual thinking process does not correlate
soft heartedness wont work this time. face it ! sam dun ly to urself believing everthing is going 2 be okay. apparently its not.
but stubbornly i would like to know the outcome afterall we only live once
anyting is possible..when we know we try hard enough
2nd lower class....

E DONUT CRAZE..

after craving for the lovely donuts for about a few weeks i decided to try it myself on how nice it tasted. n in the end here i was queueing it for 3.5 hrs today@ the shopping mall.. THis instance just goes to show how passionate n singaporeans can be about having good food.. n i m commenting really nice n crispy ones.
Donut factory is really a huge sucess with as long as 3 barricades..as early as 11 to have customers waiting outside the store.
its really yummy n crunchy well.. worth the wait
i waited from 12noon-3.30pm for 2 dozen donuts
with 15 assorted flavors i m so spoilt for choice. but @ the same time i also can sense that i am going to fall sick if i do not stop those sinful indulgences , my body feels hot n my head was spining on the way back. coz after e 3.5hrs i waited another 2 hrs @ sim lim coz my buddy was buying tis LCD monitor screen that fails to work every time the sales promoter do the testing.so i resolved to take e cab back myself first before i really fall sick
AS expected i shared my well deserved snacks with my buddies n family..ah pa did loved those ..although earlier this morning he said that it was nonsense n complete waste of time to queue. n haha i did changed his perception after he tasted it..!! YUMMY...
Just as i tot i m going to fall sick, i give myself no chance by poping in panadol extra again n this time with an added extra booze . i armed myself with herbal tea " just in case "gulped lots of water to make sure i m in pink of health for the exam next week
my face feels a little warm now.. n i m starting to get a little giddy n tats e price for being a little sweet tooth..
zk was being a nice pal by coming over my place to guide me on my accounts the evening before.. today i had a nice break n i havent start on my notes n books yet.. e chocolate!!!.. double chocolate.. oh yeah! . so high! after consumption helps to keep me awake for tonite.. heavy reading.. before that need to load myself with sugar to be active n alert.chocolate keeps peoply happy beaming with delight . quite true but dont know how long the effect lasts.

battle @ expo hall 7

after 4 yrs grad in poly, first attempt of many years in tertiay education , i manage to have a taste what it was like in a huge exam hall with countless candidates like me waiting to submit our scripts up for marking.
the anticipation, fear & a total mixed emotions evoked through my brain. like a flash , i had to pull myself together n focus on the completion of my paper in the stipulated period of time in 3 hrs
The exam hall @ expo was huge as the rows is endless.
we c a lot of weary faces n worried expression. all ready to "charge" for exam n aim straight home.
luckily there was a break. grace period of 6 days for me before my next battle if nt i would not know how to prepare for exam
i always thought i wont be able to sit through a 3 hr paper but then i was wrong. in the middle of my exam i tot of leaving n not persisting further. instead i pop in my usual pandadol extra n decide to brave through it. no time to be scared n worried. be calm n perfom my usual self. n tings should be easy tosolve
it is intimidating but nt as daunting as i perceived it to be
i got to perserve on n hang on its jsut another 9 more days n my days of agony for exam fever would be over for this yr.

050507 1403hrs

hahahha now in bro3 place again . brought along my barang barang POA n marketing text, refernce & past yr papers to study here.. heehehehehe

muster all efforts to wake up @ 6 to revise

i m a weird bitch who refuse to sleep a lot..hahahah

rain big big.. weather damn shiok

haiyah cannot go out coz e foul weather
so before it started raining. i actually convinced my dad to play badminton with me before i started my revison coz my head was so bogged down with figures since last evening for my POA paper. head was throbbing n i had 2 panadol extra to calm myself down
n i figured well. since i had a bit of time. i can play some sports to calm myself down
theres abt 5000 candidates for exam for the 1st marketing paper. n i got 6 more days
thank god. office has stopped their nonsense calls by now.
HRM.. FW taylor. federick winslow taylor.
kelly twin track model.job redesign
POA. P &L . BS. cashflow. ratio analysis
sociogy, marx , weber. durkheim
its really a lot to digest. n i feel pressured to succumb to lazines & slumber
ok ok serious serious.. essay preparation

battle begins frm 1/5 - 18/5/07

labour day but indeed laborious nite ahead for me and the weeks to come. a lot of focus & effort to make things happen. nt letting anyone to ruin my well deserved break.
enough of socialising now is not the time to play already. if i do not want to risk failing anyunit or waste another more yr of mine.
watched wild hogs. veri enjoyable but have to start long nites at the study table n decline kind dinner offers frm my frens or any form of group date if possible..
coz will get distracted n waste more time on unnessary activites.
i tink have to tabao for most of my meals so as to maximise the hours possible.
hope to c the light after the dark tunnel to c my efforts paid off, fruits of my labour
with all my hectic schedule put in ..
ok adios. have to start revision . serious revision.