dilenma again

was put up for another position // cash officer

have to reply boss by thursday. dunno le like veri fast have to progress to the next level
Sometimes the best opportunities are the ones you create by simply asking for them."

lazy weather on sun

slack the whole day

had dinner with my family

a lot of eateries. nice scenary , great drum performance

went to central mall to shop nice mall

so does long distance relationship. some reply i posted on flowerpod

I used to be in a LDR, first met my first SO when i was 16, shortly i had to send him to the airport on the first day of my poly in yr2 , subsequently he flew back to holiday after 6 months & 1.5 years later , he completed his degree.I was rather young then. always thought first love were more of experimental n i could afford the time n effortI was quite immature then n initally I wanted to break off with him coz i couldnt take the pressure in school then n i sunk in depression after he left to aust.He cried on the phone to tell me nt to leave him as such i was quite soft hearted then so it dragged onDuring the 2 yrs while he was in aust , we msn, emailed , n i was touched when he had to drive 2 hrs back n fro to get a phonecard during winter which we can chat throught the lan phone for 1 hr on a sat night.We were appreciative of the small things we did for each other, like surprise parcel on birthdays, anniversary, like a surprise courier from aust.. a little forever friend bear on my 17th birthday, n i sent him a vcr of me.while hes back in singapore for holiday , would find time to do things together. like taking his cat , Nick to the vet.. lazing on the couch eating junk food.After we started working, call it transition stage or wat. our views n values start to differ. we drifted apart . & after 4 years together, we decided to call it quits.Besides he was 6 yrs older , had high expectation of me, sometimes he forgotten i was still a young gal hen.remembered bumping into him in a gym after 2 yrs we broke off. had coffee before he left singapopore again , this time to be a PR in aust n to continue his masters' degreeWe could then sit down peacefuly without debating on the usual issues , that time i was attached then.We broke off since 2003 , i guess hes happy in aust with a younger gal now in UNi. although we didnt make it in LDR, i was glad i gone through it ,learnt a lot in a the relationship, commitment , understanding n wanting to make thing s happen together. I wonder if theres this such thing that puppy love really dun last as much as we want it to.If i were a little more mature in handling my emotions , perhaps we would have been married by now.. perhaps

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxxxxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxxoxxoxooxoxx

well that was all in the past past memories , some unpleasant which we would choose to forget n keep this other side of ur brain compartment. so occassionaly u do miss those sweet old days being together. doing silly things , entertaining each other. one term my ex colleague used during dinner .. "Guo ri zi"

todays wet weather affected my schdule as well. unable to join zk n gang for badminton

blogging 's a cool n objective method to let go of negative emotions

there is such thing as similar object, similar people

Omg. gosh i met someone whos like 80 % similarity to jl. oh no its like almost 2 yrs here. look forward to his trip back to sg frm the states. his accent reminds me of lim hom.. those amercian chinese tone.. n he speaks fluent chinese & his build is somewhat like even his side profile n back view smells like joe. m i in imagining too much or do i juz miss him out of habit
so when he left the branch. i was still trying to reason .. my behavior today..
normally i wont stare at the person for more than 3 secs which is the norm. i stare at him for about 10 secs at least. n i peeep at him while hes on the phone. that is so abnormal of me today. totally unprofessional
however i manage to keep this tone of mine calm. oh dear..
so there is such things as similar people Look alike syndrome

planning to meet the colleagues for another round of gossiping session
more up update later this evening

steamboat for dinner later

hehehe another easy day ahead..

relaxing @ the branch now

lu might be giving a treat hehehe

tml going st james.. hehehhe so relaxed.

since its the holidays now .

dilenma.. where to get e $ . n evaluating my choices

hahahaha

i joined the flowe pod community

i asked jan some financial aid.

after all i got another 2 more months before result is out anyway

went grocery shopping.. with dad. stock up on a lot of tibits , milk.. biscuits

when i think of you again.. frm jiang mei qi is my latest sms ringtoneagain

the lyrics is quite depicictive of my mood recently

刚刚风无意吹起花瓣随着风落地我看见多么美的一场樱花雨闻一闻的茶的香气哼一段旧时旋律要是你一定欢天喜地你曾经坐在这里谈吐得那么阔气就像是所有幸福都能被预期你打开我的手心一切都突然安静你要我承接你的真心花季虽然会过去今年明年有一样的风情相爱以为是你给的美丽让我惊喜让我庆幸我有一生的风景命运插手得太急我来不及全都要还回去从此是一段长长的距离偶尔想起总是欷虚如果当初懂珍惜我知道眼泪多余笑变得好不容易特别是只能面对回忆和空气多半的自言自语是用来安慰自己也许你字字句句倾听

我想我还要继续学习悲伤的时候不闭上眼睛趁眼泪还没有形成前就蒸发到空气里我想我还要继续努力听完了情歌可以不决堤那些蠢蠢欲动爱的回忆会让思念都哭泣当我想起你有一种绝望的灰心总会让街头某个相似背影惹得忍不住伤心当我又想起你是我躲避不及的原因总以为可以否定你的爱情却在不成眠的夜我又想起你


谁的眼泪最让我伤心谁的手握得住一时的甜蜜谁的依赖给我坚强的自信谁的话又感动我的眼睛是谁日日夜夜念着我从来不放弃爱我的人啊不抱怨不猜疑不乱发脾气谁说平凡然的感情比不上天使的美丽爱我的人啊有颗善良的心不随手妒忌谁说平凡人的幸福像是天堂遥不可及谁的名字最不能忘记谁的口气还在我耳边吹不停谁的真情不辜负一片好意谁的想念能感染一个世纪

不知为什么你又出现在我梦中你凝望着我像什么事都没发生过你沉默脸孔仿佛有话想要说我等了好久梦醒了若你发现我难过是因为你造成的是否你敢伸出手像我当初勇敢伸手拥抱你过若你只是又寂寞怀念起从前的我只是我没把握如何隐藏爱你的伤口


我爱哭大声的哭你在身边我敢放肆的哭电影感人听情歌我都会哭我爱哭偷偷的哭你清楚却伤我那黱离谱几句话语我的泪却止不住你说分手时候彷佛早就想清楚留我一个躲在角落来不及哭只能傻住我是爱哭鬼我想哭掉对你的思念看著镜子里面没志气的脸然后越哭越后悔我是爱哭鬼我想哭掉对你的依恋我也知道自己这样子不对却还越哭越认真的为谁我不哭我不敢哭哭只会让视线变的模糊视线模糊记忆却会更清楚你说分手时候彷佛早就想清楚留我一个躲在角落来不及哭只能傻住我是爱哭鬼我想哭掉对你的思念看著镜子里面没志气的脸然后越哭越后悔我是爱哭鬼我想哭掉对你的依恋我也知道自己这样子不对却还越哭越认真的可悲

therapy songs to last for the night
to put me to sleep hopefully

i do get into sleepless slumber on some nights

chilly nite on 1249 240707

went to the gym. completed today
everyting all right @ work at least no rants for the daily for this entry
had manhattan for dinner. platter of calamari. fish. fries. mussels.
watched invisible target with viv n tb. nice police story with an fast pace exciting plot
a chilly nite after shower n some daily mail checking
juz begin to mind wander n miss him again tonite 280507 till now 240707 almost 60days all in all
its another 2 more months to the new term. yr 3
& 1 more month to academic yr . 2006-2007 exam results which i took earlier
wet weather reminds me of him
some times i miss his touch as well
its likea body warmth that is indesciptable
i know its not healthy to dweel on the past but it see,s impossible tocompletely erase him off my mindin the midst of a chily night coz his warm hug is something i cant forget easily
4 more mins to beauty sleep.. lights out n rest for now.. ^_^

preparation for GE run

zk was so motivating. didnt had dinner today
dinner was juz strawberry yogurt
he was like encouraging me to shed those extra pounds
should start for today... no more sucumbing to those fishball noddle

hehe stillcouldnt resist decided on those tomyam maggi n meatball

so after the supper its good

got to prepare for the GE run
last evening was talking about past love with viv n there was this nite while i remember with pb at the marina park . under the stars we gazed at each other.. kissing slowly . gentle n tenderly on the lips, in each other's arms .. close proximity staring straight deeply in each other's gaze
& that was how we started going out together. it was a veri warm hug n a firm grip , his palms were so smooth & warm
its a nice n sweet memory which i like to keep it with me
n that was someting which i didnt hold any grudges with me just yet
indeed sweet thoughts
till now i still cant let go some of the happy memories. this has ditered me from knowing or progressing further with other potential candidates. it does get a little lonely being one sided late in the night thinking about him, missing him , wondering if hes doing fine.. whether hes getting on happily , found someone better for himself , enjoying his work & everything about him. it all seems to impossible to explore
the fear of getting closer taunts me

nt everyone is a fren

nt everyone is a fren giving myself extra trouble. when someone unfamilar comes to ask for help
simply cant take it tat i was being treated like a fool
i m such a stupif fool as well
lent out my notes . instead of e person returning to me. i still have to get it frm her house n she was nt at home
simply infuriating!

after JC world tour '07

a magical muscial journey brings me like a time capsule back in time. e classic early 90's till the present with a influx of new style . A side of JC whom i never envisaged or imagined . a veteran performer with slapstick jokes n an interactive , sincere greeting from this superstar
one of his encouragement i remember , is to overcome your possible obstacles n difficulties & after that surely there will be good things awaiting for you.it was indeed heartwarming and consoling despite that reality bites.
he has briefly described the story behind every beautiful song. wrote a song for his daughter, wife n some late frens n shared some of his personal experiences which was refreshing for a change during a chinese concert unlike jolin whos so dumb.
Jolin excels n her forte in dancing is undeniably outstanding,however shes just too quiet in a way
On the contrary for someone middle age, jc is hyperactive , proactive in performing n those ballads, rap, jazz, classic songs.. all the songs were emotionally enagaging
his songs r wat i refered as therapy n it will bring u like some space shuttle back to the days maybe with that special someone u were with based on the story of that particular song in that particular era or timezone
n it will probabbly touch you n cause you to be on the brink of tears.
many times it did work for me, & of course with 23 yrs of experience, he has this knack & ability to do so, like jc some of the artiste might be able to inflict or influence certain emotion on the audience , i happen to be soneone who might be a little emotional
lee xiang lan, wen bie. many more. fantastic n superb singing altough there were some weird sound proabbly due to overexhaustion. nevertheless it was still great performance
lOokinh forward to jacky's next production . musical or so.. can support him
hes got nt many years of youth however can tell that he puts in a lot of effort n has passion to sing like the songbird
a lot of his ballads did bring me back to some past . beautiful memories . that was enough
after yelling in the concert. it relieved some stress level n the money for this show was certainly well spent

before the concert

nothing much to write simply.. nt inthe mood to continue revision as for now

another 40 mins before meeting lesbian buddy.. haha

Potter.. transformer

movies tell a story n more often a agenda to educate the young since its a family show
n Love is often depicted in the plot however it describes in the order of phoenix about true friendship . people who often care about u n how to exercise self control & anger management.
its all in you. theres always two sides of a coin be it the good n the evil of a person 's inborned nature.
hehe
team work is important n so is protecting yourself be in the real world or the coporate environment. in terms of danger n difficult times, so to help other as to help yourself
rowling is a wonderful compilation of a young boy's fantasy n often created in magical episodes beautifully pen down in words n graphic images projected in the form of the movie production.
people who genuinely care about u. do influence you so its important to respect them n cherish them
a lot of my movies have been spent with some new found friendship n they were truly a source of my joy n fun spent. n i would remember the happy memories with the bunch of girls i know
Work hasnt been like a breeze. the report was out n we scrape through by sheer luck
i wonder how is jl getting on . it seems to me he has a rather sad nick or perhaps sentimental
he once advised me as a fren pt of view. prawns falter only. n i dun tink i m one. i prefer to be like a silent scopion or a catus who fights back n strong vitality to stay alive
there is a chinese saying , know ur enemy well n u will win the war
its especially true to retaliate with wits n intelligence without violating any rules or risk of tarnishing your own reputation
we work and operate within our own boundaries with limits , scarcity n limited resources. so we got to make the best deal out of it.
if we dun. we might just miss the best deal .
so in order to bite back we have to plan.
after all its not about violence but staying alert n still runing in the rat race

paparazzi

i was wondering to myself y get married in the first place whereby theres always other involvement with other people . women etc
its just so common with middle aged couple gradually drifting apart n finding someone else in their spare time despite having a lawful partner whom they promise to b in sickness n in good health. maybe tis tis absolutely nonsense
cant help but begin to doubt the meaning of true love n the "so called right one" it doesnt happen for me probabbly or rather those arent the right one to settle for either.
sometings tend to be this way. it will happen eventually n some cant be rushed. its either u meet or u dun. recently the poly ex classmate who got married suddenly tells me this,surprises do happen n may this happen to me as well
if he doesnt appreciate, theres no valid reason for me to be sore about it either
its been about 2 months now , whenever i think over it again, i tell myself n remind again its not worth it. i deserve someone better in fact.
it does helps but the bitterness harboured does diminish But in smaller returns . the thought of getting through this whole ordeal again potentially puts me in a stupor. a fearful state of mind. OH no . nt again.
perhaps the controvesy of the human mind does work differently for the male n female brain
n there r vast differences in the intepretation of a relationship to both sexes regardless of male or female do apply
i remembered JL did mention to me which i disagreed with him, n some conclusion i got is why do i need t oget involved with somone whom i know has no future. its as good as wasting my time with such callibre. e work load has been piling on me n i managed to clear it off my chest before the audit's deadline next week. thankfully its also fortunate that my school started and with the list of priorities n the super tiredness n wearyness i carry on me each day does puts a relief to myself. hey i m free. single . n carefree without the burdens or additional activities n responisbilities that some of my classmate n fren carry at the same age. its tough but rewarding.
maybe i m nt suited to be submissive or family orientated. every fri sat n sun . i find myself disappearing at family dinners or simply not interested to be home .
telling other people to change is always easier than asking urself to change.
e load is lighter when you r on ur own,But the path might not be so smooth , takesa a lot of courage to go through darker alleys alone. i m glad for the lamposts around me or even the little moonlight which shines upon me , those who i consider as my gurdian angels, friends, buddies who watch over u at ur darkest hour. willing to shed some light in your gray zone . fending on ur own secondary becomes a skill & second nature to be able to figure things out on ur own without having any reliance on anyone
ambiqous n new issue still continue to haunt me as i seel every possible are a to explore n try to excercise my empowerment within those constraints which im bounded to.
whether for good or worse . choosing to leave was a wise choice. i was then left with no choice but to choose the latter. there was no better reason t o continue either
it was never meant to be n nothing gd wil l come out of it either

1 more week to bridgingecons

i envy people around me who have completed their part time studies
people who have the determination n focus
as for one my classmate whos got family n young children. i salute her despite the physical tiring routine to take care of kids. still manage to come to class desspite e hardship of being a young mother
the fragile frienship thati got . hope to maintain n keep thisnew friend
its really quite a busy week witha new boss.
auditing preparation work
copingwith studies. its like a huge package
suffocating me that i have big pile to settle before i go on a little study break
e part of working to pass time is just quite effective
anyway the interactive result for some survyor came out. as usual my greeting part failed to excel so. this comming month i hope i can stay clear of trouble n score the max pts for july wonder whats like for tml's meeting
i cant imagine myself pregnant n having to miss 3 months of class after the time for confinement
taking care of children n rushing to prepare for final exam
its a journey that i embark. halfway completed .. yet to achieve . way to go
sun- jacky cheung concert.. yeah one big ting to look forward to before exam

hehehe mon is gone just like tat

as usual mon is a hectic day
just go with the flow to complete the various tasks
didnt think too much. just operate mechanically
anyway the immediate goal is to clear all units.
so got to hustle all concentration to revise. last nite tried my best to complete the tutorial. got to compare the answers and hand up to the lecturer to mark
the idiotic colleague really unethical . misell
so tat is how he got the 12% commission
disgusting person
twisted e facts
too tired to revise anyway . left office ard 8 today. e moment
anyway another 2 more weeks i should end this ordeal.. n Rushed unit

refreshed . 3 hr power nap helps a lot to study later

well . exhuasting sat indeed

mel's dad had this speech which left a deep impression

the wedding solenmization is the 2nd church wedding after anotherpoly'classmate. this time round was in a more posh place. at raffles town club, it wwas simply wonderful to know that this fren of mine who was once so down, attempted to end her life back then , n when i compared her now n then was comforting that she found her true love , envy indeed its so true the bride's most beautiful day would b on her wedding day.

breakfast @ crystal jades with e folks

had to practise tutorial so had to forgone thefamily dinner

i read frm a mag today n find it quite true

women invest n put in emotion in their relationship, usually they have a problem they dont need their other half to solve their issue first but rather listen to them first which is y we dont c men whining over their problems with their guy frens. which is contrary to girls. c them chilling out in cafes gossiping. creating a din @ e pub while they pukes n cry publicly.
n there was this interesting article about the "ex file" or simply better known as theex lover in the feb issue of her world
on this lady who contacted herex aft 10 yrs with the inital email n how it ended coz theres no more sparks. i remember on howits written, if he was in love with you in 1997, doesnt mean hes also in love with you in 2007. & how the reunion should nt end in bed
she felt heart broken once again when they didnt contacted again coz her ex told her they are just frens. as he left for a overseas assignment after 2 months of contact n overseas for 5 yrs. another round of heartbreak n she grown to appreciate her husband now since both the ex & her are married now
sometimes its difficult to keep a distance after the intial intense moments with someone shared
if thats e case to avoid gettting entangledin the whole situation better to just chuck the exfile n happily go on with life
it s not worth it . sometimes after a person is out of your life for quite some time, its not easy to relate to them as well
i"ve learnt from the previous episode n i should think that if i read this article earlier , perhaps i would end up in such state 2 months ago
its would be fine to rekindly memories in the head not at the expense of losing yourself n control of your emotions.
i m pretty much less emotional, although i adopt a different approach to handling my problems in the work aspect to leave out the negative feeling s towardsthose un-coperative colleagues
however i do still listen to my friends while they are whining over their un happy events
the right one might be still out there searching for me . as for now , its good to take a breather & enjoy the otherbetter things i have in life
dinner dinner here i come..
1740
080707

7/7/07 .. wat a wet day

today is my off day , i should be sleepingwhen the weather is so good however i just wake up automatically slept abt abt 2 in the morning
attending melissa's wedding. n each time i attend wedding the question popping in my head would be .. will i be left on the shelf then also
anyway there is just so much we have to leave it to fate to happen
recently my intake of nicotine has also gradually increased. to boost up my concentration , hopefully that will slim me down
n i m still contemplating whether to go for class a not, since a wedding is once in a lifetime wheres a class can still be made up by another fren's notes
at times i still think about the past memories with him. despite the fact that i m overloaded with information
to distract myself frm the usual tumoils faced daily.
however its just a veri silly action of me. which will add problems to existing problems
at the back of my head i still thinkinh how to handle un cooperative co worker in my team.
was quite an emotional day @ e church wedding
mel's dad lead him to the hall. here she was wearing a white tub gown
her dad actually said to the bride groom., i have fulfiled my duty to bring up my daughter n now i will hand over to you. you must love her. cherish her. protect her.
with that the bride grooom replied n so forth the ceremony ended with the various sequential events
kinda emotional with the nice songs
church song
n the "father" with emotional speech as well . rather affecting
catched e transformer. totally awesome show.
nt only tat also a childhood cartoon turned into life graphic..
hope this successful carton turned movie would be filing part 2
its juzt far too exciting

cranky day.. n super long n moody feeling

remain

stay in this co.

tell e boss directly i want a transfer

or stay put..

nonsense

was scolded by a fault nt entirely mine

got to resolve it

was lost trying to find my way

blister in my foot

if i tell him directly would he bad mouth me n affect my chances of transfering

wat if i dont get out successful

probabbly i tink too much

anyway.

if ultimately i tink i cannot stay on then no use cling on liao

i decided nt to b angry liao.. afterall hes stilla friend.


decided that i want to leave in glory.
must wait wait tihis branch is out of deep shit ..first beofre leaving

some words to console a fren

well.. pal sometimes we just have to let things happen naturally. So Cheer Up! Dont Brood too much about it.We are in our bestest prime moment, a lot of things to explore & experiment on. Through this course , there are probabbly a zillion million matters that could be obstructing our path, but more importantly we know when to rebound, recover & to really enjoy our best times.And when the dark clouds are over. we can takethe rain n sunshine to make a rainbow, a guy fren used this to console me. i hope this can help. I always have this theory that once i lose someone in a relationship, its terrible but its probabbly a phase . however when i lose a good fren , i think thats worse because frens are for life n i truly value those people around me so if we totally lose the frienship , i think i will regret more. so after a lot of time of reflecting n self persuasion. i reckon that i am happier now with specific goals to achieve besides getting the right man.
just like investment. i just attended to a client. need to givetime for it to grow
besides its just like up n down in life. we might not get the interest or dividend for this quarter . it does not equates that you will nt get the profit the next round.. so its like a business cycle
looking at this this way helps u to feel better rather than focusing on the problem. we look at the solution . rather to whine n whine on the same old topic


its like super long queue

peculiar for a afternoon

so black face boss did pass a remark to ask meto resign better . he can do better without me
veri hot even now after i left the office i keep thinking about it
he only know how to scold n pass nasty comment but he didnt educate me on my mistake
anyway.. i know he scolded me in the fit of anger but nevertheless i mveri pissed till now
iwi ll remember wat he told me today n i make i sure i make my mark. n pls pray he will nt be under me if nt i make sure he take back his words
mark mywords i will get better n better
still his nasty tone still linger at the back of my head .
how can he use sucha personal attack on me
i tink thats absurd
juz becoz hes stressed doesnt mean he can take it on me
with his freak attitude . its no wonder his best fren choose to be transfered as well

exercise helps u to focus better & think positively

today revolves with e family. my dad my fren n my studies
amk hub with the opening of the new sunday banking .. checking out the stores n how it works
nt only we c the operations we also observe the management team in apron on a refreshing outlook on serious trade like banking
allocated time for everting , even manage to squeeze time for a 30 min nap now revitalised after a 1hr or so swim with a decent average of 5 laps . I thought to myself with an continous existing conscious effort to remind myself n focus on doing something wholeheartedly . veri soon i would be able to see results of my fruitsof labour. be it on personal grooming aspect or work related matters
i have assured myself time n again that my decision for my recent ordeal that has past would be the sunshine after the rain or even seeing the rainbow after a storm. one month has passed tings have gone back to normal n so m i .
the strong character of me persists n continue s to get the better of me
some fren has commented that subciously deep in me i need a lot of assurance . i dont totally agree however a small part of myself tries to blend in the complicated realistic world
people i admit are visual creatures n in order to efffectively secure a positive image. first impression or delibrate grooming is inevitable to deliver certain effects that are deemed to be " bee on stage" as a term stressed in my coporate environment
so tat was the stupidest phase i had a couple of weeks ago.
i thought that everyting i did was under control but nevertheless its nt as simple as it can be