paparazzi

i was wondering to myself y get married in the first place whereby theres always other involvement with other people . women etc
its just so common with middle aged couple gradually drifting apart n finding someone else in their spare time despite having a lawful partner whom they promise to b in sickness n in good health. maybe tis tis absolutely nonsense
cant help but begin to doubt the meaning of true love n the "so called right one" it doesnt happen for me probabbly or rather those arent the right one to settle for either.
sometings tend to be this way. it will happen eventually n some cant be rushed. its either u meet or u dun. recently the poly ex classmate who got married suddenly tells me this,surprises do happen n may this happen to me as well
if he doesnt appreciate, theres no valid reason for me to be sore about it either
its been about 2 months now , whenever i think over it again, i tell myself n remind again its not worth it. i deserve someone better in fact.
it does helps but the bitterness harboured does diminish But in smaller returns . the thought of getting through this whole ordeal again potentially puts me in a stupor. a fearful state of mind. OH no . nt again.
perhaps the controvesy of the human mind does work differently for the male n female brain
n there r vast differences in the intepretation of a relationship to both sexes regardless of male or female do apply
i remembered JL did mention to me which i disagreed with him, n some conclusion i got is why do i need t oget involved with somone whom i know has no future. its as good as wasting my time with such callibre. e work load has been piling on me n i managed to clear it off my chest before the audit's deadline next week. thankfully its also fortunate that my school started and with the list of priorities n the super tiredness n wearyness i carry on me each day does puts a relief to myself. hey i m free. single . n carefree without the burdens or additional activities n responisbilities that some of my classmate n fren carry at the same age. its tough but rewarding.
maybe i m nt suited to be submissive or family orientated. every fri sat n sun . i find myself disappearing at family dinners or simply not interested to be home .
telling other people to change is always easier than asking urself to change.
e load is lighter when you r on ur own,But the path might not be so smooth , takesa a lot of courage to go through darker alleys alone. i m glad for the lamposts around me or even the little moonlight which shines upon me , those who i consider as my gurdian angels, friends, buddies who watch over u at ur darkest hour. willing to shed some light in your gray zone . fending on ur own secondary becomes a skill & second nature to be able to figure things out on ur own without having any reliance on anyone
ambiqous n new issue still continue to haunt me as i seel every possible are a to explore n try to excercise my empowerment within those constraints which im bounded to.
whether for good or worse . choosing to leave was a wise choice. i was then left with no choice but to choose the latter. there was no better reason t o continue either
it was never meant to be n nothing gd wil l come out of it either