oink oink..Pinkie is back..aft i slam it on the floor 1 week ago.

i admit it. weakness in me that needs to be improved.less blur,greedy, absent minded, quick tempered, emotional, judgmental, careless, insensitive,cry baby..
i have strong points also. i m loyal, qiang yi qi, outgoing, easy going, cheerful, optimistic ,organised( improving on it consistently )
ya my blurness cause my pinkie netbook to have a harddisk failure and my burberry bag with my water bottle cap not closed properly to cause my anniversary present from panda to be spoilt.. thats quite a minor but expensive mistake as its of sentimental value .
had a fight in the car.. xiao hong.. i was so mad i raise my voice with him
i burst into tears due to anger this time. decide not to keep quiet and just pretend nothing is wrong. something is wrong. i 've choosing to hide it or avoid it but it doesnt mean that there is no problem. i oso lost my coool. and yell at the top of my voice. when i slim down u didnt did that to me but now when i put on some weight . its not right . u dun encourage me its gd enough. u dun have to hurt my ego when i dun pass comment like. u dun have a career. like u cant even afford to....... thats demeaning.
firstly , i find that he is not respectful to me at times when he thinks he right by critising that i m fat. while he does nothing to trim down while he continue to mock at me.
i 've also treating like its nothing some lame joke . until i bark back at him. initally i didnt reject you coz u r fat, n u r like 2 times fatter . n u have no right to mock at me coz u r fat urself. have no right to taunt me n i m balanced becoz someone fatter than me is telling me off.
secondly by telling me i m an empty shell doesnt help also. coz hes also an empty shell. becoz we do not have much savings. or rather i dun have as well .. n by jokin that i should propose to him is also a lame joke. who in the right mind would say these thing s to the girl friend.
i rebuked to him by telling that marriage is not a joke, not to be taken lightly.
his younger bro can tell this to his gf becoz hes young. but hes 28 . thats a difference.
i m not being offensive or trying to pull the bro in our conversation.
its true he doesnt have a proper cert. n secondly although i dunno why his little gf is hanging on to him after all these years but the least a man can do it to provide for the family. so as to reduce or eliminate conflict due to money matters
money is of course all time sensitive topic among family. friends. watever
joint acc is something touchy
tried and tested..reason no 1 . hes very cautious with $ and then secondly i m well aware that being the eldest he has the most amount of obligation and responsibilty to fufil as the eldest son, brother
to be fair , he done the minimum by tryingto fork some time.
however as my gd fren tb once commented, he still doubts the sincerity for me. i can fully understand the point he has for me.
the well acknowleged fact is i believe at this conjtnction. both of us are not ready for marriage commitment. there is the second step or ulitmate result of being in relationship by the norm.
his career has not taken off. his focus is still on this studies, card selling & playing, car , and relationship and family.
somehow his mum proposing . sharing and buying landed property is indeed sensitive. it is intruding on my future privacy and freedom , and freedom is something i have always valued in the entire childhood. n i m the youngest usually i have a lot of piviledges as a kid and even now. i replied the mother in this diplomatic way that his brother is eventually going to get married one day. and his wife might not be agreeable to everyone under one roof.
in the long run if there is conflict among the siblings and living under one roof promises a lot of episodes and judging from the outburst i had earlier in the car. i think this is one side that i dun wish to reveal it to his fammily in the long run.
staying with ppl who are unfamiliar to me . already poses as a hinder or someting i have to adapt to or live with it. in the last straw would we have to resort to selling the landed property off and what remains off as a family is nothing but equated to dollars and cents n seriously this is my worst fears. when u have nothing to depend on . and ur family whos supposed to be your all time pillar just crumble and fall off. then my whole aspect of family is crushed.i have always looked upon family as a source of inspiration and a fall back on my most darkest days besides my friends.the same episode happened to my own relative whereby my cousin 's wife is a neat freak. my cousin and my auntie are quite disorganised and messy. resulted in a complete clash and in the end the result is .. the dream of staying under one roof in a 5-room sembawang flat is dashed.
ended with the remaining of the family renting one whole house in sengkang n subsequently an one room flat in eunos. n my cousin cohabitated with a french man for quite a while until they tied the knot together. and the remaining cousin whos staying the one room flat ... well has no freedom . no room and no privacy
while auntie continues to be a gambler . squander the kids allowance and no savings.
indeed a vey scary scenario and i m relieved and glad dad does not go to the extreme
i have to face the fact that i have to be more magnanimous that as the elder one , most of the time , i may or would have to give on more often and should this happen i have to be more gracious if not it would result in a big hoo ha and the harmony among the siblings
currently if i have something against my dad, the usual self would be to directly pose it back and talk back. so if i were to really commit then chances of me talking back is rather high. n at that time. panda would be the sandwiched panda then
although now we may choose to act blur or avoid this topic. overtime it is a realistic issue
firstly we are not that young. we r going to hit 30 in the net 3 years
it doesnt hurt to have some planning ahead as to why we do certain things now
secondly, we would not want to hold each other 's time if we are not heading to a certain goal in life . n i believe this is the part that tears a relationship apart. becoz of the loss in commitment and trust + the communication
again love is not enough to sustain or maintain
in singapore everytthing and anything is always and almost about $ . with it we can accomplish a lot of things. a lot of material in life we want.. we need
of coz in return we got to slog for it. work for it and crave for it. it is also one reason i find why some of my colleagues who previously quit from banking went back to banking . because this trade is still one of the most sought after career choice again for $, prestige and complexity.my dad sometimes finds it difficult to understand why i choose to go back to work in a SME. coz he finds that it s glamourous to mention to neighbours or relatives. hey my daughter works in a bank. ohh .. so..
slogs like a cow. n during the call centre days. i find it draggy to go and work and meddle in other people 's financial affair day in day out.
i find it more relaxed now in an information company. challenges are . its intangible the information. its service based.it doesnt earn much as a relationship executive. my bosses are all female. they are sensitive, more critical and they demand more from me. or even my colleagues
. they expect information to be always accurate , our performance tip top and perfectionist in every task that we should do.
i m well aware of all this fact. sme is like everyone got to help each other. its nt like in bigger organisation. you do ur own scope of work and bo chap the rest.
this is something i got to work it out. after 3-4 yrs in the bank. kinda polished myself against politics in the organisation
i m backing someone whos well known to be the gossip monger in the office. shes popular among all and she always " feedback" to the top. and she does excel by answering " model answers to the bosses.
and shes efficient.
altough shes a gossiper. i have to look on the other side. shes someone who wont show me the ropes. someone i got to be wary of n someone i need to compete with constantly.
the one n only way to get out of gossip zone is only to prove urself and every else wrong that you can do it.
of coz being the new one. you got to stand on ur own. learn things fast. be efficient and humble
i never thought i would go this far . but i certainly hope and wish that i can complete uni in 1 yr time. that is the second list in my priorities.
when i look around my friends . they are veri sure and more than ready for their marriage commitment plans.
was watching this local movie by roystan tan titled seven days. felicia chin was the female lead and some guy i dunno who is.
the story goes like hes an only son and this gal . the bride was hesitant if she wants to marry or its being imposed on her since she was dating with this man for 10years.
they are throwing the wedding dinner for themselves or for the sake of it.
hw he proposed to her . was in a hawker centre in newton over chay kuey teow n cheng tng. oeei houses r expensive now. we should apply for one .
n the mother in law was a difficult one. demanding for this n that n the bride groom was consistently flying around the bride was e only one who planned for the marriage until few days before the marriage, the man came back.
she was telling her best fren on the day 2 days before she got married at a bar. shes with this guy almost all her life for 10yrs. he has not proposed to her and comes the moral obligation to get married after being in relationship for so long. and issit what she wanted . or its like a norm to do so.
ended up the man just before the wedding dinner. got downo n his knees and proposed to the bride . since she has second thoughts. would she allow him to have this chance of taking care of her till they grow old and gray.
in singapore there is no fairy tale at all .
one of my e colleague got married becoz his wife couldnt take any more abortion and if she did it. she wont be able to have any more children in future. i dunno about this but getting married becoz of responsibility i wonder if its really good . i wish them all the best anyway. although i know very wellin his heart he used to be a player and someone madd about modifying cars. messing their lives on the road . of ooz there must be someting gd abt him. that she choosed him over other men.
out of almost 4 million ppl in singapore . how did i end up with a big panda beside me. over 3 minutes of a lame conversation we transcended ever since the first date we had . and all the fights we went through to ascertain the individual if hes good for u.
at 27, your expectation of a gd man differs from time periodicallyu. when u are 18 u might go for the thrills and looks. and perhaps when i m 38, 48, 58, 68 , 78 n so forth i would probabbly joke about it and relook this entry and proabbly laugh in my dentures.
marriage is not a joke. its a life time promise to the other partner that you would care and love them in terms of sicknesss health n wealth and in times of good n bad.
i look at myself. do i really want it . is he even sincere enough to want it as well. its between 2 individuals n frm wat i understand it spoils all the romance coz its the grave to the sweet simple love in the begining.
or just because due to inflation , houses are expensive and i should just go for it for the sake of it just as why i want to complete my half fuck education.
i need to complete so i wont be looked upon as a failure that i couldnt finsh what i started. n i start to despise even myself. other ppl has managed to do it and why not me...
jiao jiao 's mother despise her bf jsut becoz she thinks that at this level , he wont be able to provide for her. she is the only daughter. her family is quite well above average and i believe every parent wants the best for their kids.
she defintely dunno her to suffer with him and be resentful
she graduated from a top uni in china. uni of peking.. bei da
she is well educated and shes pretty. presentable with the long jet black hair.
on the other hand. ah bao is also the eldest son.
jiao jiao doesnt get along with ah bao 's brother n this would affect when you cant get along with the siblings.
shes head strong and stubborn. very difficult to negotiate coz she had been on her own all these years. i m sure shes very fiercely independent and opinionated.
n same like my dad. like jiao jiao 's mum . both ah bao and panda are on the heavy side. shes and my dad 's worried of their health for the nexxt 20 yrs to come.
already i have seen it. joanna's brother in l aw is constantly having medication due to family history of obesity. hes got kidney implications and her wife got to juggle between the daughter , family. and caring for the husband.
out of good faith and concern. i would duly understand from where my dad is coming from. so i was kinda telling and persuading panda. if you dun take care of yourself now. in the coming years to come. you would sow what your reap.
hes been offensive and tries to defend himself that . i m cursing him
matter of fact . it would happen IF you dun take care of the issue now it would magnify and become a huge problem which cant be solved.
i know panda has been fighting obesity as far as concerned. hes never been a slim kid all his life. hes never known how is it to wear sizeable clothes which look smart on him
hes never a shallow person who knows jsut how to dress himself up.
n hes never picky on food. on the gifts like the shirts or bottoms i bought for him
reason being . there is not much choices to pick in the first place. n although he does wear clothes with somme cockroach holes. he always have this joyful look in him
as he mentioned.
hes living for good food n tis is wat keeps him going.
proscastinating of the slim slim plans. yeah this is some thing common or when i m not focused enough in achieving something
my fren , nelly is so focused that she doesnt even have rice for dinner or any sort of carbohydrate . n shes attending her gym like regularly. so shes not a stick in the mud . shes a self declared perfectionist on her quality of life and her diet as well as her work.maybe i should expecting people to behave what they ought to.
hes not a puppet that i can use a remote control on or easily moulded to my expectations
in marketing term. theres this service gap between actual and expected.
and when ppl dun live up to your expectations you complain. whine and brood about it.
we are too used to providing feedback like complain to stomp and email to mangagment.
its gd n bad. demands are higher. but progressive improvements are good to stay competitive and relevant.
i have overseas ppl in my team. 7 of us . out of 7. 3 r not local, thai, indon n malaysia . although they have their language barrier. despite that they r doing fine. no reason y i cant.
ET used to flunk english yr after yr for her o levels. nw then shes a proud graduate of Murdoch in mass comm hahaha.
the whip it.. most recent show i watched by ellen page the one who acted in juno . the teenage pregnant kiddo who gave up her kid for adoption.
there is this line which is quite emo. i find it
you should be thankful that you have a mother who cares for u..
its a show on skating, roller blading n her mother shoves her with countless beauty pagents to attend.
she loves skating. its a contact sport that always cause her to have injuries and
she fell in love with a rocker who was a jerk
she gave everything to him. n u know puppy love never or seldom lasts..
hahaha
in a speech . she wrote it . i want to be a daughter my mum is proud of .
in another movie in ice princess.
in this harvard interview
this gal was keen in figure skating. this black man asked her. r u really keen on harvard. n we only want people who really want it.
shes a maths genius who aces in her results but her passion is ice skating n not harvard

at first she answered. she has been dreaming about harvard on her life. but then she got to give it a pass becoz it s not her goal in life. n with that she gave up on harvard
her mum whos single parent. hopes were dashed but she got respect her daughter 's dreams and aspirations.
dream make people alive . they ignite the fire of the individual and inspire.
it motivates and pushes them to perform.
pay is a factor so is the interest.
thinking back the interest of being ina tourism industry and the reality of the peanut pay is enough
i tidied up my little study table and packed my little room . cleaned the fan n mopped the floor
my dad was still harping on the fact my ex sister in law was dumb to listen to her family and separate w my bro worm
if not for her bro .she never ask us for a single cent to pay for the debts. we should be grateful to her. my dad then thut his mouth up and start to think further
if not from joanna's help , would not have transended to now.
last yrwhen i moved out. its a gd thing i moved out. my dad n i have more mutual respect for each other. n i believe he will appreciate more that i m around when my brothers have their own family and commitment.there is a " buei kia" or a youngest daughter to tag along when hes lonely .
bro and grandchildren cannot always keep him company oso. so do i .. sometimes i will go dating with panda
n when mother panda proposed the under one roof plan. hes worried i become overworked also
joanna's brother also upgrading to a new house. disposing his furniture and we got a new dinning table.
aiya my dad broke the marble table when i won it at a contest. aladdin ice cream contest when he tried to clean the light ..even for me. i know joanna for 20yrs n its a long time . coz my bro was 18 when he knew her. n i was like 6 tat yr.. technically is 5 coz i was in kindergarden.
she was like a second mother to me . n if not for her sacrifises . i might have been led astray at my tender age.
the days of my childhoon or my teenage. my dad loved to lock the door n i would be left homeless for the nite . i would have to thank my lsb and joanna these 2 ppl who were there when i m stranded.
another person i got to thank would be panda who help me to move my baranag last yr.. back n forth hahaha n my bro 3 n bro 2. they were very understanding .. i was a wilful kid . n i m still am n throw my xiao jie pi qi around when i m quite unreasonable. i was a difficult kid n still am .
i packed my drawer. pic of my different segment of my life
from the skinny bonny little gal.tan tom boy in sec sch , to the ah lian. to the slighly hiao teenage gal and the more atas person now , n lastly the slightly plump auntie look. bubble tea auntie @ panda 's commented i look like an auntie who has given birth before.
ouch ouch .. fatty me..
over the years . thing s changed. n i knew i couldnt tis kid anymore. it hurts the relationship i have with other ppl
i m perhaps too lenient on myself. i m constantly reminding myself to be immaculate on my appearance. my work.
my sensitivity to my clients. ethical and integrity
care for them genuinely and care for myself as in individual . stop trying to impose expectations on people n judge myself before i judge the rest.
to be less sterotyping other people .
learn from the best. and be the best.
impress other ppl . impress myself. impress my boss. n make a difference in other people's lives..