study.. read ..regurgitate... in exam n forget

its been stressful living with 2 problemactic men in the house . putting up with all their nonsense, getting some sanity so i wont get mental problems as well

get away with these family soap opera n move out on my own, watever ....it is...tat if e last resort

nt enough of sleep n long hours facing such problems. with e problem child n e senile father.

family issues r always present always a case to give n take until to a pt cannot make it then alternatives to solve e issues

time to retaliate n show my colors n my capabilities of wat i can do. tink i m tat easily bullied.. no way..
its been so unfair, everyone in e family dun seem to care for my pt of view.
i detest n despise men like e rotten one who stays under e same roof as myself. its a challenge to me at my struggling years .
y should such tings happen to me when i should be happily enjoying my prime years.really begining to lose faith n confidence in the next relationship that comes along. its been shitty n theres nothinh to salvage such situation , i wonder if my mum thought tat way when she was my age.
like some tings, i got to face reality n face it alone when e odds come on n crash me on my mental state of mind. reminding me to be stronger n tougher than i imagined i could possibily can b.
some aspects can b fixed like career , self development can b changed if i make effort to
others like a nt so condusive family environment , fucked up loved life cant b helped. continues to b messed up.
like of my fren advised me since it cant b changed, i got to change myself instead. in order to b flexible.
men r nothing. i dun need a man. however i just need one good man .
many characters. types ... e good one doesnt come along easily. n i cant be tat easily swayed just to get out of a troublemaker n risk my future happines for the potential golden years which is approximately like at least 30-40yrs to face n live with tat "someone"
on the other hand, the unhappiness accumulated inside has weathered me till i tink i cant pick n choose like some junk on the street
looking forward to tat person on next weekend on what sort of advice she has installed for me for this pig yr.. in fact i get so affected tat watever i read n study doesnt get in my head. i shouldnt.. but i cant seem to relax

overcoming all odds n hurdles no matter how difficult it takes to achieve

its again another day.. day 3 of CNY
again problem child cannot wake up for work.. use the family car n me , the poor innocent party has to fetch the older lad back..
veri stressed .. have to by hook or by crook complete the UOL program these 2 yrs hopefully next yr due to the following reasons

• Time
• money
• Age
• potential bread winner for the family since pa doesnt have many years to slog already.. puts on a strain on me.. to b able to contribute since rotten worm cant b trusted

testing our patience... well i shall have my strategy on such idiots. since talking sense doesnt help already . i will deal it my own method.. take into consideration my buddy's suggestions

mock exam ...6 days exactly to my 1st paper .. no preparation.

I 've gambling n i lost like $50 during my 3 day intensive gambling session after home visiting..my poor luck probabbly due to i havent pay my fine hahahaha. so its bad luck for gambling

every yr's the same to socialise with those few relatives

talking abt some common topics to catch up

listening to some of the latest gossip frm various uncles n aunties abt their own nuclear family group. each family has their share of issues

overcoming all odds n hurdles no matter how difficult it takes to achieve

i tink when i look back this entry again .. 2 yrs frm now. i would tink tat everyting tat i forgone now is all worth it..

11 days of my bro 3 nt in town, i realized 3 key tings

1. i have been really reliant on my elder bros.. tat i havent been able to b on e road on my own since they r always guiding me n i didnt have the chance to explore so its an eye opener.. after being lost on the road n navigating on my own , as i have poor sense of direction n i m a idiot in reading maps
2. its a skill to fend on my own. whether its on e road or in the society n some tings tat appear to b glamorous like being a proud car owner is nt at all.so many hidden cost to the expenses .. stressed on the safety of your loved ones n careful planning on the road so as nt to miss the way n waste time n petrol
3. i realize e importance of family bonding.. now tat i m approaching my mid twenties soon. tis yr i ate reunion dinner alone beside the tv eating tabao chicken rice frm auntie may . it was so miserable in a way.. started to tink too much whether e family will disperse if pa is nt ard to supervise or pull the family together. e rotten worm continues to give trouble n much worries until his own sad history adds on a precedent of his own broken marriage that i cant afford another disappointment in this family to add on my father 's woes.. selection of the "right " candidate becomes another form of stress to me..someone who can take care of me since i m so used to b taken care of.. till that happens i m on my own to stick on n continue my "struggle" since its a battle with the rotten worm who seems to act stupid is a cunning one in disguise

well ,everyone's learning curve is different. a break is wat i need frm the wrong ppl ... the cert tat i been yearning for the past few yrs is the most important task to complete. it has been a impossible task so far since attempting driving for my 6th attempt i achieved.. n after intensive driving n bumping in the wrong turns . i got e hang of it n i grown to appreciate my family chauffeurs more than ever..

no one can predict tomorrow but i hope to make the best out of today.

always uncertain. many possibilities

200207

1121

march of e pig yr

wow wow. i m suddenly a blooming 24 yr old lass .. how time flies for e past 12 yrs since my previous pig yr at 12, while i was still a kid.
now i have the financial needs to carry myself ard oso to drive myself ard although with much loss of direction.. lousy sense of direction. n it feels scary to be all alone stranded on some dark lane tryiing to fish my way back to my destination..
a nite of roller coaster , while i was so close to my way to fetch my ah pa.. on e eve.. memorable 2007 lunar new yr eve
luckily my ah lu was ard to guide me. was a bundle of wrecked nerves.. after missing my way in the newly estate in sengkang .. hougang..
now i can proudly declare i can strandle with the paths of SLE ,CTE & PIE
yesterday it was a whole day of missing myway n finding my way.
movie , nite rider with my pals n rushing to airport t2 to fetch dad
n it ended with mahjong with my frens...
sleeping at abt 4.. n waking up .. 9 today teary... n i lapse in slumber for a nap of abt 45 mins before setting off to home visiting.
after cny,, will have to focus on studies.. 2 more day to enjoy..

v day 2007

Summary of events on Vday2007

• Fun & Germ's futile efforts to cheer me up on V day by surprising me with a stalk of rose
• Having a celebration with JEssica @ Sakae's PM.. before HRM's lecture
• COuldnt really eat much due to a outburst of a series of events , domestic issues , academic & work
• Attending M's last le cture on the exam format for HRm
• Attending to weird,erratic situation during operations @ work which turns out more problemactic than usual
• Stressful & tiring evening to focus. yawning throughout my class
• Finally retreating 2 slumber n relaxing

do u agree ?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Because reality sets in!Actually its because there are stages to a relationship. The first stage is teh falling in love stage. Then reality sets in, thats stage 2, its where you see your partners flaws. This is the time when most couples split, because you see ther person for who they are not what you think they are when you are in love. Stage 3 is the decision to love stage. It's realizing that your partner is human and then making the decision to love them despite the fact that it feels like you are no longer in love.

wat a so "lucky"day

notice no reads 736700586V
its my first summon since i started driving.. a mere 10min walk to e wet market to get those marketing items leads me to $30 poorer.. shit... 1018am....haizz pay lor
its nt a easy task rememebering routes & finding car park lots ...i seem to have so much trouble finding my way ard .. ..still feels better being the passenger

the operations at work seems to be better now since i have an assistant for me this festive season.

never i have felt so humilatedwhen "he gloated at my presence " when i was doing my work as a front line staff, distributing some new yr sweets . he displays such a childish behavior.
as if depising me on my work.
its none of his business oso..

veri vexed......

so angry...

no choice LL . blame it on my "luck"

begining of a busy work schedule

list of tings on my mind.. sat. sun . mon
no fullrest.. longer working hours to prepare for lunar new yr operation work, event on sun, traiining on mon. nt forgeting mon its e first day of battle ... n 2 weeks of peak human traffic in front line...n finding time to revise on e weekends.. time to pack my room.. spring cleaning.. some time to relax ... sleep n revise for sch work... all tis is so packed....

lacklustre performance... easily exhausted n down on luck

Before the lunar pig yr march in.. i have this buggy thought that this year is going to be not so smooth ahead with increase of difficult situations n new problem issues arising frm work.
the rain continues to pour mercilessly on this weekday afternoon .. on lunch hours.
tings like technical fault, those which r nt human error happen to disrupt my normal routine... i wonder if tis is due to my lack of luck or just fate...
perhaps its a new term. n i m still adjusting to the hours... so exhausted after class each day .. n i 've having too many dreams recently. which makes me even more drained out even i had many hours of beauty recuperating sleep .
lady luck is just not on my side......

i hope my luck gets better

the yr 2007 marks a new start. n my first email was a complaint issue... OMG, n before that the sad news is my sales team is gonna spilt.. one of my members cannot move to a new team. n shes gonna b transfered. tis is so demoralising after working together for a couple of months , we manage to build up a little bond, its a mixed feeling.it affects everyone , no one's recovered frm the sudden news.
to make matters worse, my phone just die on me.. n i manage to get a little loan phone from a pal if nt i super handicapped without my cell... it says no service.. no signal on n off . tis is so pek jek...
even if i dun like the changes, i still got to accept it even the new team might not be as friendly n caring environment.
its like a political decison.
i hope my luck gets better.....
i need a lot of positive energy.. coz i have been so grouchy lately.. i tink i remind myself of a shriveled plum sometimes..
i really need to take tings slow , n put relationship on hold for a while , coz all tis little episodes just drive me to a corner.. i had enough, n till e rite one pops... i tink theres no need for me to get hurt unnecessarily. time to learn frm tat old lesson. nt worth mentioning..

e end of a long weekend n a brand new start

it s the end of the long weekend, a brand new yr, 2007. seriously i dunno how i manage to get thru it.sometimes when i c someting , or listen to some songs, it reminds me of him. i know its over but somehow i cannot bring myself to accept the truth coz it hurts to know.
i put in effort but i cannot c the result. e more i give in, the harder it is to get over it.
wat a joke...
tis will take me a long time to heal... i try my best to forget but its nt easy
i wonder if its so easy for him on his side..

letting go.. but y wont e head n heart cordinate

i have 10mins before i reveal the commercial sam that i present to the rest. seriously i feel bad , badly hurt.
i wonder if he feels sad oso that he has been the nasty guy. i realized one ting its difficult to make a decison to make someone sad. feels worse i tink.
maybe its just nt the rite timing.
maybe its just me for being difficult
although its over, i cant stop myself thinking about him, missing him esp in the holiday season. i was supposed to prepare my essays but i couldnt bring myself to do anyting decent. even for last nite. i forced myself to rest so i can have a better time the next day for work.
this yr's xmas n new yr eve had indeed been "memorable"
i m afraid. so afraid of losing him before. but i still lost him.
is there someting to erase my memories so i can b happier.. which is known a selective memory hahahhahah...
time to start cracking for work.. time nt to wallow in self -pity

it was like a holiday romance

just like some ppl , some things happen n end quickly. it was like a holiday romance testing the patience of 2 individuals poles apart. my patience has been tested to the maximium, n tis has tell me someting, a bunch of excuses n the actions taken to justify a person 's true character.
i know i will pull myself up frm tis nonsensical behavior which is not worth over a lousy person. after being in n out of each relationship, i guess we just cant be swayed by emotions, n begin rashly.in order to prevent being heart broken.. e time was short. n there was a lot of waiting.. its nt a good feeling to be always the one waiting.always the person putting in effort n nt being reciprocated. yah frens tell me nt to waste time on such a person. he has nt contributed much n now hes blaming me for it. yet i feel terrible... esp in the midst of a long weekend ahead, nt that i dread them but it would b a good time to recuperate alone.. nursing the wounds that were inflicted on me.i feel cheated , with a chain of promises but each were nt fulfiled or even the minimum achieved. all talk n no action.n tis is how i cultivate trust... TRUST!
A person whos nt fit to question me, what was e objective of having a significant other. when he cannot be relied on. turning my back on me when i need someone.n finally this wakes me up from a long summer dream n all sorts of possible reason sprung to my mind. wat if he doesnt cares at all, another suitable candidate perhaps.or simply hes too lazy to try to accomodate.leaving another party sad n alone.i should thank him for nt prolonging my agony n false naive thoughts that i can still carry on one- sidely based on my effort. if nt the last day of the year would turn out to b the worst day of the whole year.

awakened

i had one of the most miserable nites so far during my xmas holiday tis yr, i dragged myself out of bed today. its been ages since i feel down to work.
the weather has been bloody cold n e wind has numbed me while walking on the streets
it just proves me someting after e call last nite.

there is a little voice in me which tells me hes like a bond. slow n stable , low risk n worth the time for investment
i finally wake up n decide to nt to tink further
it drains too much of my energy.
i check up on the net to find e testimonial deleted , i tink i can expect the worst outcome.
some tings cant b forced
he doesnt puts in effort
hes too passive
hes insincere
if hes unwilling to accomodate so y in the hell he wanted to b in relationship in the first place
i have a valid reason to doubt coz i m most likely insecure, he does nothin to earn my trust
trust has to be accumulated gradually
i have a feel tat i m always kept in the dark, we already dun communicate much, or even sms. if he doesnt open up , i m really clueless
i felt tat iwas talking to air. cant help but was deeply disappointed tat he should turn out to b such ppl i suddenly dunno like a stranger.
e anxiety , e tension , was all for nothing
n i have been a complete fool doing all sorts of crap n effort .

confused n troubled

its been a tough nite for me. i keep tossing n turning.. i have a lot of questions in my head. my head n my mind is just not functioning in unity.
its making me miserable on e best solution
yet deep down i dun want to give up but yet it is tough
should i prolong, drag on or improve on things
once i make a decision , i must keep in mind on the consequences. e suspense is keeping me so difficult . so troubled to do anyting now.
i must learn to trust him fully if nt i 'll face e same problem again.
if i decide to accept such a person, the long term effects r bound to b present.
n when tings still doesnt work out then, i will be worse off.
should i decide to take a chance , then i should go for it...

a lump in the throat

last nite was a chilly evening having a family dinner out. after several months it occured to me that i might a complete fool after all. y is there a difference before going together n after being together.y is there is a modification of behavior?
do i mean so insignificant at times.
i m petty in a way. i m normal, i just want someone to truly care. i always find that there is a distance. n i cant catch up with him.
frm his slack style , just gives me the impression he cant be bothered n he takes me for granted
sometimes he can b boring, but i dun really mind.i dun want just to waste my time with young punks.but then
wat if he is also dating another gal ..,, its a wild imagination...
n after having the talk. its worse than a lump in the throat..
i tot u understand...
such is the underlying meaning beneath those words.. wat can i comment...
be more understanding .. grow up...
nothing more can daunt such a person like him. after many yrs in the work force in the civil sector.
being immuned to work..going with the flow n expect e unexpected..
just enjoy the moment for now.. wats going to happen will eventually does one day.. cant really immerse myself in a degree of imagination n anticipation.
its e time to enjoy after a yr .

e best solution is nt to tink too much,

its better to accept a flaw then to stressing e change.it puts a strain subconsciously n drives me in this depressive syndronme which puts me off unknowingly whic h only my close pal can sense it although i say nothing at all.
love can make ppl stupid.. i m starting to belive it.
do stupid things n cant tink wisely.
its nt a easy time. for us . i can already c tat its going to b tough yr ahead with a lot of hurdles to cross one by one..understanding a person's character takes time . e inital projected perception can prove so wrong, takes time to accept a certain different trait frm urself.. given tat we came frm diverse background, education, beliefs n values we each hold.

one yr olderr nonetheless wiser

its been a great gathering with the defunct 1996-1999 4E2 bunch of classmates. with new members added, a lot of laughter, shared memories as we were playing like bunch of kids back in class,some of us has become different roles , mothers , parents.. each chosing our chosen path in our life. A fren of mine was just chatting , after another 10yrs will she be the remaining lot whos unmarried, so called no career advancements. no "achievements" like a sore loser..
a lot depends on individual decision. some might b ready.. or nt . accidentally delibrately change their own style of life stage , some for instance people like me r just nt "ready" for greater responsibilities , it hasnt cross my mind to take a step slower to take care of other people.. to settle down in my career .. n be a humble "woman" in my "own family"
i was advising my fren coz some things happen for some reason, like one of the incident she holds bitterly , that during one of the gathering , she brought her so called" current bf at the time" n tis mutual fren of hers subsequently got a little "close" with her beau at that time, veri open minded gal.. sort of flirting n has a history of bf snatching.tis fren of mine had a phobia of introducing her next bf to subsequent gatherings.if hes nt the rite one, perhaps marriage or advancing further would never be the top of lists.there are different phases in relationships from being 2 diffeent individuals of background, getting to know someone different n beliefs to accepting n gradually planning to live together n sustain the "flame" i supose this is making everyone so cluelesss but yet yearning of the closeness between each other.I also dunnno if this is healthy but i have gradually accepted that hes the cool man, take things slow n easy, i m nt dying to b married off yet, hes not someone who takes things in action but the ones who keep their passion within themselves.introverted type of supressive reflexes.the one close to me hasnt expressed any explicit wishes or even a call. i dunno whether hes playing dumb , hes tired..he simply cant b bothered or theres some hidden surprises installed for me.. i m nt tat petty but sometings tells me a cue. pehaps m i just an ornament or just being together.simply together n nothing more.
maybe hes been working veri hard, veri lazy chap , veri unromantic man. as for the good points, intelletual , open minded, humble ,easygoing ,fillal, cool. in short husband material but nt veri lover orientated.
i give in , i try to b as unaffected , to behave less of a petty woman,to b more open minded, magnanimous .
its weird.. nt a norm .y doesnt he showers me some attention, affection that i m cherished, deeply loved n wanted. to justify hey.. i do have someone.. but i feel tat tis doesnt happen.
its like having to accept something new.. prefering milk to coffee,, u hate drinking milk but its good for health. gradually u seem to forgot coffee does have some adverse effects , n u decide to adopt milk as a fav drink after a period of adjustment n u forgot tat coffee was once ur addiction. i was expecting but didnt received it. a little disappointment
letdown
tis is someone i chosed..
i hope some things might change..
or improve. for the better

weekend 091206 1113 & 10126 1708

someone has just told me how mercenary i have changed or even calculative.. towards some aspects. well we are living in the world of capitalism & everyting revolves of cost , time & efficiency
i m seeing thingsnow in blury state of mind coz my useless contact lens just broke into pieces n every account i access i let myself stick to the computer screen for fear of quoting the wrong account number..
10126 1708
last nite i received a call frm an old fren whose family was in a state of chaotic repressive mode. his dad was warden in the ICU by a sudden heart stricken ailment.as the eldest son of the family , this escalates his responsibility , definitely not an easy period to tide over. However my level of compassionateness to listen to his crappy style was limited & i was exhausted after sat's work event & date.
hes an hopeless little boy whos adopts the wimpy style to tackle tat sort of gal . bah.. passes my comments
was so playful with JL, becomes addictive with him , being with him,teasing him . i hope the upcoming getaway would b a successful one with my close pals having a little chill in together.the gals out plan seems a little modified after the addition of 2 male particpants .
it feels great being at ease with e ppl u trust n comfortable with.
this year has been fun filled with many new learning experiences in the front line . having known JL was the next best activity in the list having someone by my side to share my rough patches along the path. of couse not forgeting , 2006 also marks the 10th anniversary among my old frens.I owe them a tribute for the continous support they've given me throughout these 10 yrs.

its on wed..

OMG... tis is a festive month.. all getting excited coz boss is nt ard all the time to watch over us.. sales in fact has also been rather consistent among the consultants..
its 2pm in the day.. n i only c a lady among the queue zone.. tat brings to y i m blogging at this hour...
in fact i have a paper due this evening to take but i m just nt in the mood to attend the mock exam .. hahahahhahah
its another 10 odd days before my birthday. haiz nt another year older .. i was still pondering last yr whether i will b old n shrivelled on my 30th birthday m still left on the shelf..
thank god i found him.
to calculate it will b another 7 more yrs before i hit e big 3....
time never waits for no one..
my new motto since i embark on the banking industry
alwats thriving n striving the better if not the best ..
my bloody tooth... got to fix tat next fri
now back home comfortably in front of my set listening to hana kimi's sound track the world is quieter n calmer compared to day time .. with the background of crispy dollar notes spinning in the background..
3 precious weeks to enjoy..
then 2007
then got to clear bridging econs before final exam
a veri challenging n busy start of e year until mid yr . then e start of final yr in uni hopefully clear all 4 units
another holiday plan after holidays, looking forward , extra incentive to save up n stock up on cash

casually leisure sunday

031206 1800hrs
while chatting on the phone with lesbian buddy.. take a break before attempting past yr mock exam papers. this is a good time to practise some essay writing...
the weekend has been a academic retreat preparing the oncoming mock exam for yr 2006, another 3 weeks would b the end of the yr 2006 n the welcoming of 2007 & to march in age of 24 which happens to b my chinese astrological sign.. the boar the cute pig..hahaha
my most fearful unit happens to be financial accounting coz its bloody full of rules n format to adhere to. n i m naturally the careless type so this happens to b my personal killer subject .tonite will definitely b a long one with 2 exam units rite at the corner.. sleeping early n catchingon beauty sleep is out of question here..
my brain's rather stuffed full of ducks n waiing to unload all junk info on mon evening.
another 3 more days before winter break...
waiting....
bdae
celebration
PARTY!!
xmas

F"""ked up with life sometimes

its been 2 long weeks since i have been decently online or even staying up late on a weeknite.. coz i was so stressed up with work. $$ n sch academic stuff. for the last weekend i spent like 14hrs sleeping on a decent saat nite n spend sun working out accounting which took me like a lot of concentration to focus. a lot of uncertainty n ambigous try to clog my head n my brain starts to malfunction n fall apart . as though some heavy weight crushes on me n forces me to stay still there n hang on to there. e load sometimes suffocates me. last weekend was one of the rarest break with no mini event to spoil my break.
there is a lot of work n reviision to b done.. n i m only @ 20% capacity tis is indeed a worrying sign of "progress" n its making me depressed n less confident tat i wont b able to make it. mock exam is on the first week of dec.. now @ chapter 10 or so.. i have no idea how to solve frm chapter 5 onwards.. after e inital intensive revision.. i realize my own capability.. i need help.... spirtually... pray to the confusius.. as some classmate proposed to boost up the morale ...
hopefully a study group helps. i wont want to be caught dead in the last min craming of information .. tis will cause me to age faster n disintegrate at a rapid rate ...
lately at work is a picture of confusion sometimes with ocassional idiots to try to disrupt ur pace.
high demands , lack of accurate information , have to act wisely in the favourable postion in terms of organisation n personal..
its a fast pace environment .
like today i had an unreasonable request, n tat client is trying to propose someting which cant b done logically.. n its a an art of rejecting someone right on the face.. n yet preserving some dignity in tat person. weekend,, how beautiful but short lived... there r 2 extra reports to b done .. total of 4 to b submitted..
i have to tink of a gift.. its always a pain to shop for gifts . e emotional attachement as well is involved n esp its someone endearing although its a terrible shame tat i dunno wat he truly likes or needs.. so near n yet so far. 4 more days to decide n i settled some of the programs installed. time to zzzz