好多好多的话想对你说

突然发现为什么脆弱时候想你更多

如果你也听说有没有想过我

想普通交朋友还是你依然会心疼我好多好多的话想对你说

悬着一颗心没着落要怎么附和舍不得又无可奈何

如果你也听说会不会相信我

对流言会附和还是你知道我还是我

跌跌撞撞才明白了许多懂我的人就你一个

想到你想起我胸口依然温柔

如果你也听说许多话题关于我就连我也有听过

我想我宁可都沉默

其实反而显得做作夜

把心洋葱般剥落拿掉防卫剩下什么

为什么脆弱时候

想你更多

如果你也听说

有没有想过我

想普通交朋友

还是你依然会心疼我

好多好多的话想对你说

悬着一颗心没着落要怎么附和舍不得

又无可奈何

so tis song speaks a lot of emotions..

i manage to know about this songn was listening halfway when i realize the lyrics somewat looked familar from somewhere

1230 300807

its been almost 2 weeks since i last blogged
n after listening to one ofmy close buddy's problem i find myself lossening up
at work still got room for improvement
to minimise those elementary mistakes
still the anxiety continues to bug on. e agony of nt clearing the unit results in retake n e repeat agony episode

跌跌撞撞才明白了许多 好多好多的话想对你说 .. i dunno wat this means frm him but it doesnt matter anymore
exam result to be released all the suspense is too much man. today is the 30th..
everytime resut come out since o level its been like tat

family car smashed on 19/8/07

at abt 6.. bro2 's car was smashed by this SMRt cab. shb 1928L without much time to react coz we were at this junction.. luckily we got put hand brake if nt our car might be pushed forward more. close shave with such an experience. nw we realize the importance of seat belt in the car
my chest suffered a blow with an impact. juz nw.
esmond's jaw got a cut while aunite may got a little bump on her head. while bro 2 had a backache. spent abt 2 hrs at SGH A&E before going for dinner
they are so many ppl at the A & E on a sunday evening.pretty bad .. maybe singaporeans r quite careless haha
wat a so memorable chinese valentine's day
7th day of 7th month
qi qiao jie
junction opp pearl centre, passenger in the cab was also injured poor gal.. victimised.on e way to meet her client able to put on seat belt oso hit her leg n left arm. wat a jinx...
e cabby got a male spokes person to represent her.. goodness he was so rude didnt even bother to ask if we are all rite. seeing all the kids cry..
didnt even had the decency to apologise either .
wat a shame
luckily we were ok only minor scratches here n there
if e whole car of us were injured. then wat would have been the ending then
our lives would have been at her mercy then
commit mistake still not repentent at all.. tat kind of behavior is disgusting

health is wealth

visited a fren today. suddenly a gurge of emotion rose upon me . seeing me fren so frail n weak . first i time i c my fren so weak in bed
he used to be such a arrogant person. nw his movement is small now hes like i feel so sorry fo him.dependent for the nurse for the most basic tings like going to the toilet
its so sudden when i receive sms frm him tat he got admitted n had to be bedridden .
as long as we lead a balanced n guilt free lifestyle i tink even if we leave this worlkl we wont regret that much

catch a movie todayn had a nice haircut n shunji.. friendly stylist..n met up with nelly n miss cool
hehe
slowly i seem to forget all about polar bear. with other frens in the social circle. jp is like a fren. close pal who always jio me out for dinner on sun n also a sports khaki..
but i guess after a bad turn in life we can c the gd tings we ahve an appreciate the better tings in life
so comparing to the hectic lifestyle . sch n worj n prvious breakup its like y situation is nothing as compared
its a interesting fact tat lifes of ups n downs does create a balanced port folio. when lifes too perfect, its either too perfect or usually short lived
i m glad that after many mis fortune oi m fondo f thebetter luck recently.. nice boss. improved relationshp with lzl
my dad.. help him to settle his mobile phone gadget problem c him always play with phone c liaio oso get a bit irritated coz hes always seen figeting with his handset
tml anyway i will spend some time with papa since sun only day to relax

all refreshed after MC

it seems a long while since i wrote a long blog
which is perhaps i have learnt to flow with the wind, all my sorrows dumped in the rubbish bin after work,, relaxing after a nice meal or even a tasty dessert to neutralise the bitterness in reality
its s a nice feeling .. calm after work. nice shower , gathering with the frens earlier outside
.eventually i came to a consensus life can be happier n simplier without a special someone as well
its the company that counts
pretty relaxed being a swinging bachorettte. with many choices to date many other ppl, which is oso nt a bad idea also.
listening to sad songs while bloggin g is also quite a therapy
penning down random musings
recall about happy n unpleasant events . pondering over them for a while .. while trying to figure whats the best solution to best handle each situation
todays the 15th.. already 1 yr since we first met at city hall..
last yr in 2006, the first movie we watched was "click" . which turned out we didnt really click
i learnt to let go the hatred i harbour for him
the unwillingness
slowly going in other dates with other frens
enjoying my self with each individual
like going steamboat with zk n the rest of the gang. attending the evita opening with them
accepting his running dates
time cant heal
its the individual
whether u can convince ur previous mistake
hes is kinda subtle approach
caring person
known him for abt 1 yr perhaps close to 2
exceptfor a little naggy n crappy . guess hes quite nice afterall

down with flu

6 days since i log on to blog. miss the feel of writing. went to watch fireworks with zk @ swissotel at @ the 64th level
one word to describe = spectecular
attended the evita opening as well
after tat i been sneezing like a cow
planning to report sick tml

getting out of the nutshell n coming to terms with reality

went for a nice dinne r @ din tai feng with lsb..



chill out at clarke quay at one of tis pub which reminds me of a clinic



quite a nice cozy environment



these days n nite i still miss him so much



another guy has been trying to ask me out havent want to reply him



in a daze. still cant get over it completely



although i m n my most normal mode. laughinh happily in office. performing my best



when nite falls its like my as usual down mode after a while it becomes a routine for me



when i on my way to work. i recall all the happy events i do with him till now..71days...



its been like this...



i cannot let go of him



i m reluctant to move on



i dunno wats so gd abt him. some times i wish theres was such tings known as wang qing sui so i wont get so agonised over him



sometimes when i c him online . i have the urge to pm him. but then i realize nothinh tat ican do more now to smoothen between us



i can no t treat him like transparent



yet both of us have this unanimous tension which is like a .. pls dun mess with me again or bother with my affairs

hes a nice man . but i cant break within my own zone

he asked me out for fireworks n e movies

i wonder if hes also havingsleping problem.

does he even miss me or hesreally moving on fine on his own

these days i dun cry easily now..

im thankful for the gd things thati shappening to me now

i thank him for being my shadow for me n the shade thatprovides me shelter to seek refuge

i want to completely juz erase him..can i .

family dinner

spend some time with family some time alone. @ the library lazing at the couch

quite relaxing.. bowlling challenge next weekend
sounds good. looking forward to that

dad is off to babysit xavier coz e nanny s not available

so hes off .. not home today

after 2 days of stayin at hom e for family . feels a bit weird

if we had still bee n together 12/8/07 would be our first yr anniversary

unfortunately tings did not happen this way

went to this posh lounge @ hotel continental



with live piano n saxophone music.. nice ambience

whens its time to move on its is.. juz like birds who leave their mothers to fly south

i . decided for the leap
its a gd opportunity
i will seize the chance to prove myself otherwise i can be a gd n meticulous workers which i have beenworking towards sinc the first day i started working.
ehehe

will have to find time to inform the arrangement for the transfer.

later in the evening i got attend MSm @ SAA. pay the sch fees n act like a studetn once again
the routine lifestyle of student n a full time working adult

its been quite a no of hectic working culture back here since posb last launched last month

& also some updates like changing of the new coporate uniform oso

its a yet refreshing banking experience in amk hub since my first visit @


the sunday banking branch

went to SAA for class..nt bad environment small class of 10 . focus is gd

第一个清晨

tis song was like a first song we listen together while we go dating the first time by lee hom

quite memrable as he held on the waist n hug me frm the back while this little singer at the stage while we watchedfrm level 2 at this out door performance

mathemactics is quite an interesting unit in UOL

on the 12/08. it s the first date i went out with him n now 2008 . no longer together . can never watch such live performance frm above in each other's arms

its a pity.

how i wish wat if i had continued on. wat if he were nt such a character would he be of acceptable standard to me

its during those late nights. my brain continue to work backwards. rewinding the sweet old past memories i cling on
its 1247 in the morning now.. hope to get a gd nite sleep n wonderful dreams of those sweet memories

................

¿ says:
cash officer
SAMmie says:
SAMmie says:
can go up to AM rank if i do gd enough
SAMmie says:
e max rank is CSM
SAMmie says:
customer service manager
¿ says:
wat so of going tat gh
SAMmie says:
or foriegn bank.. as in credit control.. risk management
¿ says:
its the title tat make u feel glam
SAMmie says:
its a kind of satisfaction
SAMmie says:
progression/
¿ says:
no life
SAMmie says:
cant be stagnent


quite interesting to discover fraud n investigate e possible errors n problem n the solution to such complex financial problem

dilenma again

was put up for another position // cash officer

have to reply boss by thursday. dunno le like veri fast have to progress to the next level
Sometimes the best opportunities are the ones you create by simply asking for them."

lazy weather on sun

slack the whole day

had dinner with my family

a lot of eateries. nice scenary , great drum performance

went to central mall to shop nice mall

so does long distance relationship. some reply i posted on flowerpod

I used to be in a LDR, first met my first SO when i was 16, shortly i had to send him to the airport on the first day of my poly in yr2 , subsequently he flew back to holiday after 6 months & 1.5 years later , he completed his degree.I was rather young then. always thought first love were more of experimental n i could afford the time n effortI was quite immature then n initally I wanted to break off with him coz i couldnt take the pressure in school then n i sunk in depression after he left to aust.He cried on the phone to tell me nt to leave him as such i was quite soft hearted then so it dragged onDuring the 2 yrs while he was in aust , we msn, emailed , n i was touched when he had to drive 2 hrs back n fro to get a phonecard during winter which we can chat throught the lan phone for 1 hr on a sat night.We were appreciative of the small things we did for each other, like surprise parcel on birthdays, anniversary, like a surprise courier from aust.. a little forever friend bear on my 17th birthday, n i sent him a vcr of me.while hes back in singapore for holiday , would find time to do things together. like taking his cat , Nick to the vet.. lazing on the couch eating junk food.After we started working, call it transition stage or wat. our views n values start to differ. we drifted apart . & after 4 years together, we decided to call it quits.Besides he was 6 yrs older , had high expectation of me, sometimes he forgotten i was still a young gal hen.remembered bumping into him in a gym after 2 yrs we broke off. had coffee before he left singapopore again , this time to be a PR in aust n to continue his masters' degreeWe could then sit down peacefuly without debating on the usual issues , that time i was attached then.We broke off since 2003 , i guess hes happy in aust with a younger gal now in UNi. although we didnt make it in LDR, i was glad i gone through it ,learnt a lot in a the relationship, commitment , understanding n wanting to make thing s happen together. I wonder if theres this such thing that puppy love really dun last as much as we want it to.If i were a little more mature in handling my emotions , perhaps we would have been married by now.. perhaps

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxxxxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxxoxxoxooxoxx

well that was all in the past past memories , some unpleasant which we would choose to forget n keep this other side of ur brain compartment. so occassionaly u do miss those sweet old days being together. doing silly things , entertaining each other. one term my ex colleague used during dinner .. "Guo ri zi"

todays wet weather affected my schdule as well. unable to join zk n gang for badminton

blogging 's a cool n objective method to let go of negative emotions

there is such thing as similar object, similar people

Omg. gosh i met someone whos like 80 % similarity to jl. oh no its like almost 2 yrs here. look forward to his trip back to sg frm the states. his accent reminds me of lim hom.. those amercian chinese tone.. n he speaks fluent chinese & his build is somewhat like even his side profile n back view smells like joe. m i in imagining too much or do i juz miss him out of habit
so when he left the branch. i was still trying to reason .. my behavior today..
normally i wont stare at the person for more than 3 secs which is the norm. i stare at him for about 10 secs at least. n i peeep at him while hes on the phone. that is so abnormal of me today. totally unprofessional
however i manage to keep this tone of mine calm. oh dear..
so there is such things as similar people Look alike syndrome

planning to meet the colleagues for another round of gossiping session
more up update later this evening

steamboat for dinner later

hehehe another easy day ahead..

relaxing @ the branch now

lu might be giving a treat hehehe

tml going st james.. hehehhe so relaxed.

since its the holidays now .

dilenma.. where to get e $ . n evaluating my choices

hahahaha

i joined the flowe pod community

i asked jan some financial aid.

after all i got another 2 more months before result is out anyway

went grocery shopping.. with dad. stock up on a lot of tibits , milk.. biscuits

when i think of you again.. frm jiang mei qi is my latest sms ringtoneagain

the lyrics is quite depicictive of my mood recently

刚刚风无意吹起花瓣随着风落地我看见多么美的一场樱花雨闻一闻的茶的香气哼一段旧时旋律要是你一定欢天喜地你曾经坐在这里谈吐得那么阔气就像是所有幸福都能被预期你打开我的手心一切都突然安静你要我承接你的真心花季虽然会过去今年明年有一样的风情相爱以为是你给的美丽让我惊喜让我庆幸我有一生的风景命运插手得太急我来不及全都要还回去从此是一段长长的距离偶尔想起总是欷虚如果当初懂珍惜我知道眼泪多余笑变得好不容易特别是只能面对回忆和空气多半的自言自语是用来安慰自己也许你字字句句倾听

我想我还要继续学习悲伤的时候不闭上眼睛趁眼泪还没有形成前就蒸发到空气里我想我还要继续努力听完了情歌可以不决堤那些蠢蠢欲动爱的回忆会让思念都哭泣当我想起你有一种绝望的灰心总会让街头某个相似背影惹得忍不住伤心当我又想起你是我躲避不及的原因总以为可以否定你的爱情却在不成眠的夜我又想起你


谁的眼泪最让我伤心谁的手握得住一时的甜蜜谁的依赖给我坚强的自信谁的话又感动我的眼睛是谁日日夜夜念着我从来不放弃爱我的人啊不抱怨不猜疑不乱发脾气谁说平凡然的感情比不上天使的美丽爱我的人啊有颗善良的心不随手妒忌谁说平凡人的幸福像是天堂遥不可及谁的名字最不能忘记谁的口气还在我耳边吹不停谁的真情不辜负一片好意谁的想念能感染一个世纪

不知为什么你又出现在我梦中你凝望着我像什么事都没发生过你沉默脸孔仿佛有话想要说我等了好久梦醒了若你发现我难过是因为你造成的是否你敢伸出手像我当初勇敢伸手拥抱你过若你只是又寂寞怀念起从前的我只是我没把握如何隐藏爱你的伤口


我爱哭大声的哭你在身边我敢放肆的哭电影感人听情歌我都会哭我爱哭偷偷的哭你清楚却伤我那黱离谱几句话语我的泪却止不住你说分手时候彷佛早就想清楚留我一个躲在角落来不及哭只能傻住我是爱哭鬼我想哭掉对你的思念看著镜子里面没志气的脸然后越哭越后悔我是爱哭鬼我想哭掉对你的依恋我也知道自己这样子不对却还越哭越认真的为谁我不哭我不敢哭哭只会让视线变的模糊视线模糊记忆却会更清楚你说分手时候彷佛早就想清楚留我一个躲在角落来不及哭只能傻住我是爱哭鬼我想哭掉对你的思念看著镜子里面没志气的脸然后越哭越后悔我是爱哭鬼我想哭掉对你的依恋我也知道自己这样子不对却还越哭越认真的可悲

therapy songs to last for the night
to put me to sleep hopefully

i do get into sleepless slumber on some nights

chilly nite on 1249 240707

went to the gym. completed today
everyting all right @ work at least no rants for the daily for this entry
had manhattan for dinner. platter of calamari. fish. fries. mussels.
watched invisible target with viv n tb. nice police story with an fast pace exciting plot
a chilly nite after shower n some daily mail checking
juz begin to mind wander n miss him again tonite 280507 till now 240707 almost 60days all in all
its another 2 more months to the new term. yr 3
& 1 more month to academic yr . 2006-2007 exam results which i took earlier
wet weather reminds me of him
some times i miss his touch as well
its likea body warmth that is indesciptable
i know its not healthy to dweel on the past but it see,s impossible tocompletely erase him off my mindin the midst of a chily night coz his warm hug is something i cant forget easily
4 more mins to beauty sleep.. lights out n rest for now.. ^_^

preparation for GE run

zk was so motivating. didnt had dinner today
dinner was juz strawberry yogurt
he was like encouraging me to shed those extra pounds
should start for today... no more sucumbing to those fishball noddle

hehe stillcouldnt resist decided on those tomyam maggi n meatball

so after the supper its good

got to prepare for the GE run
last evening was talking about past love with viv n there was this nite while i remember with pb at the marina park . under the stars we gazed at each other.. kissing slowly . gentle n tenderly on the lips, in each other's arms .. close proximity staring straight deeply in each other's gaze
& that was how we started going out together. it was a veri warm hug n a firm grip , his palms were so smooth & warm
its a nice n sweet memory which i like to keep it with me
n that was someting which i didnt hold any grudges with me just yet
indeed sweet thoughts
till now i still cant let go some of the happy memories. this has ditered me from knowing or progressing further with other potential candidates. it does get a little lonely being one sided late in the night thinking about him, missing him , wondering if hes doing fine.. whether hes getting on happily , found someone better for himself , enjoying his work & everything about him. it all seems to impossible to explore
the fear of getting closer taunts me

nt everyone is a fren

nt everyone is a fren giving myself extra trouble. when someone unfamilar comes to ask for help
simply cant take it tat i was being treated like a fool
i m such a stupif fool as well
lent out my notes . instead of e person returning to me. i still have to get it frm her house n she was nt at home
simply infuriating!