went to my bro's palce earlier
babysit rick @ panda 's place. we played wii together. too bad im nt cut out to be rock chick.
had a little bicker with panda earlier just because i gave him wrong directions to bro 3 place..
all men r all alike .. joanne mention tat its all like that .. tat its similar
both of us r quick tempered. but once we cool dowm we simmer down n apologise..
ok la got to go 85 mkt meet jie mei liao
0131hrs 110109
just got back from the supper had ah balling dessert for supper and chai chee pork porridge
was chatting about tat silly quarrel i had and debating if i m really in the wrong.
in case he didnt know ,been really bad with directions even before i started to learn to drive, so when iask my best friend , her reply was wats new. u been like that since young , y should he get angry with a person like you who has poor sense of direction.
dad hasnt call me for days. maybe hes still mad at me for making decision to move out
perhaps staying apart can foster a greater sense of closeness..
i dun regret making this decision,sometimes it s better to just meet each other occasionally to avoid conflict and tension
heard news that he might be changing the pad lock or sell the house. watever decision it is. he has to think of the long term consequences
i m carrying the name of an unfillal daughter term. but when its timeto settle dowm for me perhaps such title will diminish in time , as it passes
as such the title of a loose woman or a cheap slut flashes into myhead as i m not so keen these days to drop by his place . i cannot take it for long for such a title.both my sister in law were foriegners n in order to save up on rental cost, both of them cohabitate with my brothers. but this time round, my as usual hitler dad would not agree with his youngest daughter wanted to step out for better personal character development
i hope by staying apart i would learn to be even more independent,better handy man
maybe the accumulated unrest in me did erupted and then suddenly over petty issues , i manage to throw a tantrum at him after he showed some attitude over small matter
perhaps in my point of view , the disturbance at nite when dad has sleeping disorder and neighbours bothering my sleep and the recent lift upgrading and in additional to dad's ranting did not do much to reduce my irritation to my living environment
with worm pest. coming on sun to disrupt my sun beauty sleep it doesnt help much to contain my resentment gradually building up. being in the comfort of my own house but unable to diffuse negative emotions to people i detest , find it real fake to fake such friendliness
coming to such a decision was not easy as well. n sincei chosed this path i decided to make the best out of this stay
after cny would be desktop
he was fumming when i went back last nite
n he told me if i wanted to move out. no need to move back in future
in the discussion , he also mentioned that he will notattend mywedding in future n all sorts of nonsense n so forth
in some ways, hes double standards in the treatment to his sons via his only daughter
i have to follow his ground rules just becoz i hapen to stay with himtat is utter nonsense to me
i have a life
n i tink i will go towards it and work for it. would stop living in the shadow of other people
Feng - Zzz, jst once more part to get back on track.. says:
u hav a goal is good, but sometimes in life ar... it also abt accomdating and sharin lo..
Feng - Zzz, jst once more part to get back on track.. says:
we not prefect, we all hav flaw here n there.. n we try to make e best out of it lo
Feng - Zzz, jst once more part to get back on track.. says:
dun bear so much grudges la
Feng - Zzz, jst once more part to get back on track.. says:
not good for u also..
in a way i m oso helping him to make decisions since he s ina dilenma
tat none of the siblings want anyting to do with useless eldest bro
sometimes accomodating to the point that you dont want anything to do with it happily ro wash your hands out of such messy affair,it maybe a selfish proposal but then too much of it suffocates you. that you cant breathe , think or act normally or properly at times
i been considering whether to get back home tml to visit himor should i cool things out first
i m relieved thats one thing. yah n worried for him too since hes oso very blur at home
0231 time to head for bed, no point pondering back to the point of square one since decision has been made in the first place
its 0242 n i was chatting msn with feng..
he broke off with a gf of 4 yrs coz he cannot provide a stability chop for her exgf.. his ex couldnt wait coz he cant provide marriage to her.how sad..
so it voices down to the objective of going with someone which ideally results in a happy marriage i guess
pheng is a family man . n i guess i have a lot to learn from him as well as he manages and shoulders certain responsibilites and roles to support his mum. brothers and in school
as what my bro and lsb have advised me maybe i should really watch my tone and fiery mood swing and tempermantual attitude.. would try my best to keep it under control
tats how tings change.. how life n relationship is. its precarious, uncertain and unpredictable.. i still m cynical abt it aft broworm ended a 13yr relationship cum marriage
gf bf can breakoff,. husband n wife can divorce. even good men or good people can die overnite. like my mum whos been kind all her life. life goes on anyway
life still goes on
so no matter wat pull myself together
tml will be better. so i tell myself in life there r many choices so watever choice u make there r bound to be cons n pros n implication
so after a few attempts of wanting to find a gd one. it ends n turns out badly.
i m so immuned now. i dare not think too far these days
pheng's got a bunch of cool friends.. just like mine over 13 yrs of frienship n lately i discovered both of us grown over the years even more mentally stronger than before.
when things dun work out , wat if, i wont kill myself or blame myself for it . at least i tell myself i took a chance to test it out and even if hes wasnt the one, i have no regrets choosing him
the family sage has not turned to an ending n i hope to make a fresh start for 09. lookforward to it and earn lots of $ and be health y n happier than before
seriously i think i m a lot happier now than before . that i found someone . accomodating to me as well and hes caring altough signs of mcp is slighly prevalent.
to settledown before 30. wata thought.. i cant imagine myself .. cooking whole day in the kitchen , changing nappies. beinga gd care taker.. hope the day comes for me as well.. 0303
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