refreshed . 3 hr power nap helps a lot to study later

well . exhuasting sat indeed

mel's dad had this speech which left a deep impression

the wedding solenmization is the 2nd church wedding after anotherpoly'classmate. this time round was in a more posh place. at raffles town club, it wwas simply wonderful to know that this fren of mine who was once so down, attempted to end her life back then , n when i compared her now n then was comforting that she found her true love , envy indeed its so true the bride's most beautiful day would b on her wedding day.

breakfast @ crystal jades with e folks

had to practise tutorial so had to forgone thefamily dinner

i read frm a mag today n find it quite true

women invest n put in emotion in their relationship, usually they have a problem they dont need their other half to solve their issue first but rather listen to them first which is y we dont c men whining over their problems with their guy frens. which is contrary to girls. c them chilling out in cafes gossiping. creating a din @ e pub while they pukes n cry publicly.
n there was this interesting article about the "ex file" or simply better known as theex lover in the feb issue of her world
on this lady who contacted herex aft 10 yrs with the inital email n how it ended coz theres no more sparks. i remember on howits written, if he was in love with you in 1997, doesnt mean hes also in love with you in 2007. & how the reunion should nt end in bed
she felt heart broken once again when they didnt contacted again coz her ex told her they are just frens. as he left for a overseas assignment after 2 months of contact n overseas for 5 yrs. another round of heartbreak n she grown to appreciate her husband now since both the ex & her are married now
sometimes its difficult to keep a distance after the intial intense moments with someone shared
if thats e case to avoid gettting entangledin the whole situation better to just chuck the exfile n happily go on with life
it s not worth it . sometimes after a person is out of your life for quite some time, its not easy to relate to them as well
i"ve learnt from the previous episode n i should think that if i read this article earlier , perhaps i would end up in such state 2 months ago
its would be fine to rekindly memories in the head not at the expense of losing yourself n control of your emotions.
i m pretty much less emotional, although i adopt a different approach to handling my problems in the work aspect to leave out the negative feeling s towardsthose un-coperative colleagues
however i do still listen to my friends while they are whining over their un happy events
the right one might be still out there searching for me . as for now , its good to take a breather & enjoy the otherbetter things i have in life
dinner dinner here i come..
1740
080707

7/7/07 .. wat a wet day

today is my off day , i should be sleepingwhen the weather is so good however i just wake up automatically slept abt abt 2 in the morning
attending melissa's wedding. n each time i attend wedding the question popping in my head would be .. will i be left on the shelf then also
anyway there is just so much we have to leave it to fate to happen
recently my intake of nicotine has also gradually increased. to boost up my concentration , hopefully that will slim me down
n i m still contemplating whether to go for class a not, since a wedding is once in a lifetime wheres a class can still be made up by another fren's notes
at times i still think about the past memories with him. despite the fact that i m overloaded with information
to distract myself frm the usual tumoils faced daily.
however its just a veri silly action of me. which will add problems to existing problems
at the back of my head i still thinkinh how to handle un cooperative co worker in my team.
was quite an emotional day @ e church wedding
mel's dad lead him to the hall. here she was wearing a white tub gown
her dad actually said to the bride groom., i have fulfiled my duty to bring up my daughter n now i will hand over to you. you must love her. cherish her. protect her.
with that the bride grooom replied n so forth the ceremony ended with the various sequential events
kinda emotional with the nice songs
church song
n the "father" with emotional speech as well . rather affecting
catched e transformer. totally awesome show.
nt only tat also a childhood cartoon turned into life graphic..
hope this successful carton turned movie would be filing part 2
its juzt far too exciting

cranky day.. n super long n moody feeling

remain

stay in this co.

tell e boss directly i want a transfer

or stay put..

nonsense

was scolded by a fault nt entirely mine

got to resolve it

was lost trying to find my way

blister in my foot

if i tell him directly would he bad mouth me n affect my chances of transfering

wat if i dont get out successful

probabbly i tink too much

anyway.

if ultimately i tink i cannot stay on then no use cling on liao

i decided nt to b angry liao.. afterall hes stilla friend.


decided that i want to leave in glory.
must wait wait tihis branch is out of deep shit ..first beofre leaving

some words to console a fren

well.. pal sometimes we just have to let things happen naturally. So Cheer Up! Dont Brood too much about it.We are in our bestest prime moment, a lot of things to explore & experiment on. Through this course , there are probabbly a zillion million matters that could be obstructing our path, but more importantly we know when to rebound, recover & to really enjoy our best times.And when the dark clouds are over. we can takethe rain n sunshine to make a rainbow, a guy fren used this to console me. i hope this can help. I always have this theory that once i lose someone in a relationship, its terrible but its probabbly a phase . however when i lose a good fren , i think thats worse because frens are for life n i truly value those people around me so if we totally lose the frienship , i think i will regret more. so after a lot of time of reflecting n self persuasion. i reckon that i am happier now with specific goals to achieve besides getting the right man.
just like investment. i just attended to a client. need to givetime for it to grow
besides its just like up n down in life. we might not get the interest or dividend for this quarter . it does not equates that you will nt get the profit the next round.. so its like a business cycle
looking at this this way helps u to feel better rather than focusing on the problem. we look at the solution . rather to whine n whine on the same old topic


its like super long queue

peculiar for a afternoon

so black face boss did pass a remark to ask meto resign better . he can do better without me
veri hot even now after i left the office i keep thinking about it
he only know how to scold n pass nasty comment but he didnt educate me on my mistake
anyway.. i know he scolded me in the fit of anger but nevertheless i mveri pissed till now
iwi ll remember wat he told me today n i make i sure i make my mark. n pls pray he will nt be under me if nt i make sure he take back his words
mark mywords i will get better n better
still his nasty tone still linger at the back of my head .
how can he use sucha personal attack on me
i tink thats absurd
juz becoz hes stressed doesnt mean he can take it on me
with his freak attitude . its no wonder his best fren choose to be transfered as well

exercise helps u to focus better & think positively

today revolves with e family. my dad my fren n my studies
amk hub with the opening of the new sunday banking .. checking out the stores n how it works
nt only we c the operations we also observe the management team in apron on a refreshing outlook on serious trade like banking
allocated time for everting , even manage to squeeze time for a 30 min nap now revitalised after a 1hr or so swim with a decent average of 5 laps . I thought to myself with an continous existing conscious effort to remind myself n focus on doing something wholeheartedly . veri soon i would be able to see results of my fruitsof labour. be it on personal grooming aspect or work related matters
i have assured myself time n again that my decision for my recent ordeal that has past would be the sunshine after the rain or even seeing the rainbow after a storm. one month has passed tings have gone back to normal n so m i .
the strong character of me persists n continue s to get the better of me
some fren has commented that subciously deep in me i need a lot of assurance . i dont totally agree however a small part of myself tries to blend in the complicated realistic world
people i admit are visual creatures n in order to efffectively secure a positive image. first impression or delibrate grooming is inevitable to deliver certain effects that are deemed to be " bee on stage" as a term stressed in my coporate environment
so tat was the stupidest phase i had a couple of weeks ago.
i thought that everyting i did was under control but nevertheless its nt as simple as it can be

totally forgotten that its SAT today!

oh no enjoy too much! wat a joke man. lucky boss is on reservist n furthermore black face today face not that black

hahaha

luckily my colleague called me up if not i will be in serious trouble

went out with the bunch

feels a bit weird..

y is he so overly friendly n ignoring my fren

hahaha

seems like i m slowly overcoming the effects of Jl syndrome , getting over it

literally flirting like free with tis new one

decide to..

well there s no need to decide clearly hes like a big magnet flirt

juz now on the public bus i was so pissed with this bus captain if i wasnt so tired n worn out i would have scolded him back
for identifying m e as the one who did not tap the ez link literally walk out n identify me
i can understand y fo r the previous incident the bus captain was being whacked for the reason . there r too much of such yaya ppl who never fail to irritae n purge the evil nature of human to self defend n attack another human being.

till then better to nap first. after last nite n rushing to office today i tink got to rest rest n start revision for econs later tonite

slept @ 5 in the morning today

i slept ard 8pm last nite but was awakened by Mq's calls.
towards tat weird one. hes like asking my pal & myself out.. dunno wat kind of tricks is he up to.
but i m surely armed this time on his character n his motives
anyway yesterday was quite a smooth day at work so is today so far so gd another 1 more hr to knock & the same cycle of rushing to school & then back home to slumber
tml will b my off day.. yeah.tonite can sleep later.. can enjoy a bit as well
tml oso will be joing the weird man n frens. for a ktv session n coz of asimple call .i have inside info that hes threatening. it juz so puzzling..
i really dunno wat kinf of person i m dealing with..
n i havent done finish mytutorial as usual . will try to squeeze some time to accomodate n submit a bit of work to her then.
recently i found a change in myself in work. try to make peace with colleague. clients
dressed in my most immaculate n meticulous .. in my utmost effort
tring my best to clinch whatever deal i can ..
i always strive to b n act professional whenever possible.
i believe this is for the good
after all banking industry is such a small mkt
always build the network well

uneducated n unglam woman

omg, there was this unglam woman.. dressed well but lousy character/who raise her voice at me. i tink shes nt veri educated . nt tat high tats y she behaves like uneducate person..accusing me for being rude to her which i tink it was the other way round. she was the one whos being really nasty
she scolded me right in the face publicly and asked for my name which i answered cooly . like that she oso bui song. n she eavdropped the conversation between myself n my colleague which is certainly nt the way an adult should behave. i have noted down her details & i concluded shes asking for trouble, i certainly have not caused myself to be scolded. shes the one whos got serious attitude problem. even my boss oso got scolded by that idiot..
hahha got to rush out the sales report n complete my tutorial before sandra 's class if nt she sure will nag at us again
1609hrs
260607


2341
back frm class.
surprisingly nt veri tired despite the fact i concentrated for 3 hrs juz now..
these days i still get headache during lesson. i dun take aspirin immediately
i try to bear with it to avoid getting headache
till today there is this air of resentment about JL
its like a pool of air that refuse to go away . still lingers abt all those nonsense
i m nt the stubborn sort but somehow somtimes i wonder if we were still together would anyting makes a difference. or should this relationship be somewhat nutured gradually as what was expected or it will still be a klutz or gonner case. i should logically rationalise its e latter. coz although hes someone nice. his character is nt of acceptable level for a urban active young lady like me.

some lame ppl

with great determination, consistent effort n strong mindset. i believe i can do the impossible.. no worries for 21/7/07. i can jolly well finish the sales report n start my tutorial.. it can be DONE!

some lame ppl just love to disrupt ppl's lives

have a nice partner overseas bu t still want to mess ard . c who he want to mess who. i know how to retaliate. seriously some ppl r just push their luck or trying to be funny.its nt funny at all . i find it disgusted n a great turnoff

well.. i do bite back.. ppl do notice that n try nt to climb over me

there was tis particular person who party like no tml.the typical clubber who watches movies. restuarant. disco . pubbing h n getting laid somehow. wat a so "healthy " lifestyle ppl. parties like theres no tomorrow. who we might not know turns out to be such rubbish . Its nt that we dunno. its not till we see it with our very own eyes. that a decent chap could possibly turn out to be the greatest scumbag ever. i hope hes conscious of that . he ought to be ashamed of it hat. OMG...no comments either. its none of my business n its his lifestyle n he can jolly well afford.

ravi told me i got a strong character. sometimes quite stubborn . dunno if its true but most of the time i listen oso. late marriage is advisable. a transfer is gd for my prospects. i m nt borned witha silver spoon but at least i fight for my own happiness n prospects. better to be less harsher in my language towards my colleagues. better to be strong then to let ppl bully... to each for its own.

one of the recommendation was to get a white rose for 7 weeks once on every fri n t at in the morning . dip in water n sprinkle some to my face. to reduce some bad luck in whatever i m doing since i m a free tinker so juz follow lor.. dunno after 7 weeks would anyting good happen

how peculiar tat ravi uses pocker card to predict my luck. J means that i am missing a man in my life, n the next important ting surrounding happen to be $$, almost i tink about it all the time.which is the secondary purpose y i mstill working in a bank. JL IS HISTORY> I MUST DISCARD IT AWAY N CLEAR IT OFF MY HEAD> NO AMT OF DAMAGE CAN UNDO THE Existing damage.

e monetary returns is just too much a lure to quit this business. banking seems to be a bomming market

property market is soaring high, n sg seems to b a significant financial centre.. which is a gd sign tat i m in the correct industry

my head is groogy at this moment. i feel like collapsing straight to slumber but i know know if i know that i might b haunted by sandra's warning.. if u dont do wat i tell u to do . u will definitely not make it.. tis sentence really initimidates me. my yr 3 is at stake..

family day today

hehehe bladingwas cancelled
however i spent the day ktv with joanne n lesibian
dinner with my family
which was nt bad oso
since my dad was away for so long.
aust trip n then msia sarawak kuching trip
its been a while since i ever miss him or think about the past
being busy n occupied is good
i feel happy now without having to check on my hp now n then
dun have to cancel other ppl's appt coz got lastmin date for him
happier for myself now. leading a more meaningful n fruitful life

dad is back frm holiday

heheh

dad is back frm holiday

went for class thereafter dinner withthe gals @ MOF

met up with bro for dinner @ ah hood rd

planning blading session..heheh sounds interesting n exciting

watched finished 1 litre no Namida

started watching, got hooked to it. is about a plot . a real story about a young gal who had this incurable disease. supposed to affect the brain , n body system detetoriate gradually . weakening of the limbs , speech. despite all the obstacles tis Aya did not fail to give up until the veri end. she died at the age of 25, 10yr braving through the sickness with the help of her family . frens n doctor
so sadening scenes. never fail to shed tears after work when i watch in the wee hrs
in order to keep her memories coz she would not be to walk, talk, carry tings n think logically. she kept a diary since she was 14.
if i had the same disease as her. i might choose to end my life instead of bracing on.there is no medication to cure this sickness n at that moment , medical technology was still not advanced yet.
She kept so many diaries , it has helped to influence many, it must be a veri sad 10yrs for her. she was such a strong girl to tolelarate the discrimination. losing all the tings dear to her as a teenager. nt having dreams. hopes n ambitions . doing things which a normal young lady would do. partying. bf . university. dream career..
life is never fair at all with some many inequalities




sucha bright n intelligent gal

oh dear not another no business day

hiya,, today oso veri quiet day for business..
customer commented i looked younger.. haha my objective is met

decided to skip class for today
got psycho by lesbian buddy again
tat ccb lzl is getting on my nerves by trying to teach me nt to slag but in a veri nt so nice manner
so i decide to use another smarter approach to counter his attack
spike him n irritate him in an intellectual approach also known as zhi nan er tui
tink i m so easily defeated no way. use my wits to counter such cunnning ppl
as for sales ppl . i ts time to take a step back. colleagues r after all colleagues. can never b wat frens.. impossible

appreciative of others n love myself more

another yet quiet day
immediate goal besides $ is to watch my diet n lose at least 2kg or so..
meeting a lot of ex classmates at mel's wedding. sure n bound to c a lot of bitch
hopefully can stick to a strict n healthy diet
plan to exercise on days which i have no classes..
a slimer n trimer sam
its another resolution that needs to be solved. my jeans r getting tighter n instead of buying more larger clothing .. decide to slim myself instead no more accomodating.
hopefully the " upcoming " stress can aid in the escalation of this process
i tink i m fine just on the slight chubby side .. begining to feel overweight liao
in any case i m coping alone well n i will make the best of my youth
by exploring new areas of myself. appreciate others & love myself more
the rest is really secondary
no more succumbing to supper .. MAGGI MEEEE !!
just yesterday i found a new term there was this email frm top management.. it says like this
I m perturbed by your recent performance such is so "power grammar" to grill n drill into the sale's staff mindset
to myself. anyting can change but not ur own personal character originally
there could be improvement but never lose the real you beneath..

continued 2330 20/6/07
decided to chop off my hair to a neat bob instead.. e SHE HEBE style. hope it suits me n creates a more lively image.. yeah
bought new makeup to enhance.. chanel's oil control
recently top up new makeup to boost up my morale..
makeup helps.. to a minimum..
a lot comes frm the inside within
facial as well n daily care n cleansing

just a lot of tots floating in my mind

just came to realize how sales people can get so hypocritical on the surface n evil on the inside

which i s wat i m myself some times whne i face my clients

the world is never perfect

n so r humans

i cant get over the fact that i was like a bitch last week

or rather this is how a capitalist society function


who is not out for monetary benefits



wats good to u might b poison to me

my ex boss stroll in but somehow the mutual spirit doesnt exisit anymore

i m nt under his care n nt under his command on anything

neverthless different people have different style of handling things

e new one might be a complicant freak

hes oso doing wat he ought to do


its just nt the same again

today is another amazingly quiet day in operation which allows me to blog at this hour @ 1511 hrs

referral is bad.. sales is ok

walk in is like shit

wat else

beside bring a smiling face to work n act n pretend .. basically there is nothing much to comment

never know who can harm u.. have to learn to protect myself

n stay clear of shit

do what is to be done . n quit this freaking low class positon that i m. although it does pays me well

but switching to another environemnet would a relief n ideal to my personal development eventually

fruitful

luck is shining finally
my courier is back frm shanghai
had pizza for dinner .. @ toapayoh
smooth day..
mel is getting hitched on 7/7/07. she called me during dinner to confirm
omg.. i jsut got news her ex was killed in an accident last yr. such shocking news
dad n bro will only be back tisweekend

busy sat n chilling at home on sun

its been almost 20 days
during this period has been a most trying period for me to keep my cool
i managed to pull a grip & stop grieving over my loss
focusing on my personal goals , on sales . forcing mysef to act natural n smile more

let go of my oppression
run a event @ harbour front
closed some deals. taggedsome sales
was reading tis flower pod blog. how long can u love some one find tis quite interesting

comment 1

Although I'm recovering from a breakup, I still believe love can last forever. However, love is a cycle that mutates into different forms, through different times and situations. Passionate love, and by that i mean the head over heels, thumping in the hearts, butterflies in the tummy kind of love, does not last imo. As our senses get used to feeling that way about someone, that strong sensory attraction would cease. But another form of love would have arisen by then, that of committal love, a deep seated affection when somebody has become a part of your life, one with you, so much so, that you cannot imagine going though life without your other half.

comment 2

Real love happens only once and that should be forever.If I love really love someone, it's definitely for eternity.

some ppl chose nt to .. they search for a whole lifetime n still cant find tat so called true love
some ppl get phobic of getting entangled in a complicated messed up love life
puting on a brave front to conceal the vulnerable "self "

Zann n e gals made some real effort to buy n cook sushi for a busy gal like me. was truly appreciative of their utter efforts . took e whole day to prepare n e ingredients were rather costly as well
its a special day for me coz i especically kept some shelf space for their "ai xing" snacks
dvd marathon but was so exhausted i fell asleep half way started to pour halfway was a little chilly

i still have some flash backs somet imes , try to brush it off my head. relax n chill with my jie mei
one fine day after work. dunno y i started to shed tears in public like an outburst which can get embarassing for my lesbian buddy oso my bestest female fren . she had to console me like a small kid when u got one of those nastiest day @ work n just fee l like crying out loud n cry it all out..hahaha it works for me once in aw hile i would behave abnormally

the most comforted part is this female fren stare back at this guy n glare back at him as though telling him to back off n stop staring


i stop the cold war with tat cc b colleague. lifes till goes on as normal except we dun chat abt personal stuff.

watched a romantic korean dvd at home n read finished a chinese novel
did some housework n my laundry
everting's going fine
dad's n bro r still in kuching wont b back till next week

till then.. another fresh week for work tml
1760607
2328hrs

long day.. screwed courier service

well courier is more convenience but these time its so screwed up



i really scold them like mad.

words like " Stupid courier came out frm my mouth.."

even my boss oso laugh//

hahahahah

mad blast last evening

well i literally blew up in the family car, when those kids refused to take my instructions & behaved like monkeys on the loose
i didnt know what overwhelmed me, this mad rush of blood just came to boil after a long day at work submissive to my superior & my clients.
I just began to yell at some mad hag when they showed ultimate disrespect
then i didnt have much mood to carry on with e family dinner as well , as such i excused myself n took a cab straight home once e car touched down @ sk
once i reached home, i just took everyting out. cooked maggi me for dinner took some headache pills n went straight to bed. was so tired. tat i didnt know.. slept for the next 12 hrs n woke up ard 745 tis morning
with a lot of boiled repression hidden subsciously, i begin to build this layer which i know if i do not release tension, eventually would affect myself mentally
slowly i begin to put jl 's at the back of my mind n move on in the plans of my own
earning as much as possible n obtaining gd grades for my studies , clear it move on to another firm n do someting i m really passionate.
each day when i face my clients, i tell myself i got to bear with it for another 1 more yr until i can safely tell myself i can do without this job.


with this i m blogging in the middle when there are nt much :rabbits" or fish in the br.. heheh
while that idiot cisco keeps poping by time n time to stare at my monitor , i use the coporate website to distract him away

at work it is war. those who command power earns more respect ultimately
hopefully when i get the " cert" i will be a superior who is respectable as well as humanitarian
there r new shuffles , the new BM or boss after 16/6/07 , till then , hes someone whos veri meticulous in his work m n extremely strict in terms of disclipline , work or "compliance" to the rules & regulations

theres tis talk of the day for every briefing n todays 's be emphatetic to your ctm which is actually a show., "an act"
delibrately to delight your customers
other lame ones include : flexible in exercising ur discretions"
managing expectations & mindset
wat else.. whose idea was it anyway
who cares
y customers r getting smarter n smarter these days , they can tell frm a fake or genuine smile anyway
at home i retreat. i simply shut myself in the room n read or msn which is a different me at work
i choose nt to entertain if i have a choice
tats e real me
10am 14/6/07

a twist

some gay client today was so nasty tat he made my colleague break down n cry
difficult n nasty should b the term
n somehw or rather . we actually made peace. went out with the ccb colleague for dinner at zam zam
there was an unanimous sort of unwritten non verbal agreement to make peace in a way since we r going 2 c each other at least for the next couple of months , so y make it so painful at least for the moment as it is
anyway till i m switched to anotehr dep. objective is to earn as much as possible
whether a nt we can bond together as a team would b another issue
would like to fulfil the former
its juz abt "pretending" n "acting" in a modified "acceptable behavior in the coporate environment/ so b it then since i m in the" front line" presenting myself in the most "ideal manner " whenever i could
i realize it juz works these way in organisation. higher authority or superior juz like to push work to the lower rank juz becoz they can.. n i oso cant reject certain request.
its like tat in the coporate ladder. wat to do
some ppl just like to disrupt other ppl's day n spoil their day so y should we b victimised instead
theres a lot to plan during these 6 weeks.. veri packed schedule n a lot 2 be achieved oso known as crucial moment to me currently

sad news for the family

got to babysit the rascal.. sister in law got some implications that the foetus was stuck somewhee in the fallopian tube which is a nt good news to know after work, got to induce abortion to prevent further problems in the later part
its my first experience handling young children. using the syringe to feed , prepare milk n so forth quite a clumsy attempt
luckily my dad n elder bro is ard if nt. .i tink i will b at a total loss.
i even call ard to enquire on how to use to syringe for medication
well as mentioned be4. like it a nt we all have our ups n downs. good times n bad times.. we stil lgot to go thru trials of life
tat rascal is exhausting me.. as well as my dad..
dammnnnn.. y is my mon so long today

another new day

as usual life still goes on as usual its a mon morning e clock reads 0854
6 mins before opening
tml starts e summer sch for econs
aim to pass for this if nt my yr3 units will b affected coz the prerequisite is nt fulfiled
there r 2 customers outside
no mood today oso today
this coming week will be as usual busy as well with events going on n running on sat
Immediate aim is to clear econs bridging.
6 weeks intensive .
only to pass cant afford to fail this unit
it is oso the last intake this yr n my only chance,

today is quiet in the br
so 9 mins after opening the br.. its looks deadly quiet
mq happens to b the one whos been beside me .. with his irritating consoling sms n wicked sense of humour
a gd pal whos on my side all this while occasionally behaving like some kid throwing on his tantrums

weekend aftermath

my throat feels sore again after intensive ktving over the weekend
chill out with ah lu @ his bro's pub. lousy cocktail,, also known as apple fantasy
sun-famly day with pa.. auntie may

after a while , blogging becomes a habit
its also a normal method to express your negative emotions in a healthy manner
so when u regain your rationality, n browse back over ur past entries , you realize how silly u r at that moment in time

blank in the air. tried to catch a nap but...

溏心风暴 Heart Of Greed indeed a nice drama, watched it , shed a fair bit of my tears for this drama
entangling events. touching scenes abt family, frienship n relationship between different groups of people
on the study table . i placed a new box of tissue
blank in the air. tried to catch a nap since today was such a excruciating hot weather but...the moment i try to close my eyes , the series of events just flashed back to me..
its been abt 13 days .. 13 days without ..
19 days since we last saw each other , 23/5/07
no matter how i try to.. i cannot forget easily
i try to live normally like anyone.. have lunch with my dad.. family dinner.. outing with my friends. go dating with other people
but @ the back . one section of my brain cant seem to functioin back rationally in a part of me
since the "MC" i become stronger in terms of my referral
focus consciously on my grooming to accomodate
went facial to enhance myself
i did everyting to boost my self esteem
i started entertaining my folks like usual after a while, i didnt want to let people who care about me worry about me
be the chatty noisy sam
but i m still nt happy honestly
i m disappointed on some outcomes.
certain setbacks juzt continue to haunt u
i m displeased with the particular male co worker
but i force myself to smile n make peace
i keep all the hidden thoughts to myself n keep n shut all possible photos, memories in order to escalate this phase
i even consider getting my self some medication to help me sleep properly instead of waking up halfway early in the morning n feel sore n tired the next working day
i remember in the heart of greed, there was this scene that his gal xin was so devastated over her ex alfred that she oso kept a blog to blog her thoughts
alfred in the drama commented that when people are sad, they dont drink or smoke
they dun find their friends out
on the contrary. they would feel like writing someting & pen it down
well i tink i m oso doing this , but the only difference is i m using english instead of chinese
so i guess it was rather romantic for them to keep a diary even after 2 yrs of separation
even after alfred met into a fatal accident, xin continued to kept a blog as if her ex was still alive
n e ending was after many many yrs.. xin accepted hai ke yi .. n to express her gratitude , she helped him to win the court case for the family heritance..
e theme song " vincent" was a veri sweet melody using the saxophone
it definitely stirs up some memories

A state of half drunk n soberr

typing this while i m waiting my ahir tob dry

spelling might be a bit off

met up with nelly n hong @ orchard for dinner

a little high af3er a couple of drinks

even had horfun 4 supper

,y face looks sparkling clean afeere e facial

feels gd althoughe e pimple squezingsucjs

a veri exciting day

hahaha e head of cooprate comm came over n evaluate the br so did the trainer from the Bee academy
its been a like " acting' day for me with my hair all combed back nicely in a neat pony tail
with immaculate coporate attire n the correct black shoes
today i oso met a lot of premier difficult clients
dunno where they sprout frm..
also handled this celebrity's transaction request..shes got nice parents. gd complexion
friendly father
TGIF

tml facial day

n tennis

if nt can chill with the gals..

everyting is going nicely the way i want it to be

hope the appraisal turns out well

BSI to improve.. it cant go any worse either

a veri vexing day with inefficient ppl whom i work with

yes.. the manager is so useless n inefficent
slow n nt helpful
luckily she s nt permanent
i can imagine.. i would have mental problem in the long run coz too much distress n tension
my clients keep scolding me coz shes veri slow in approving n making decision
i wonder how she made it this far
theres these 2 women. those 2 old hag -- birds of a feather flock together . with e same turtle speed
i heard from one colleague when she return back to office at 8pm.. omg they are still in office.. which is veri bad..super slow
i really hate to work with slow & inefficent ppl
my god i kinda miss the black face n bad breath actual boss.. who s more efficient
the new acting in charge is another punk who takes tings strictly by the book
cant get used to a new working style man
terrible....
i hope my new environment gets better gradually....
politely rejected another HR agency coz e scope sucks as well. replied them
thru considering another fren's offer. coz i tink frens should nt work together in case of added conflict

today another 15 mins would b 8/6/07
it will b a better day

REtail thERapy today

after many nites. we c the light after the tunnel
my mood starts to adjust back to normal mode
sms my boss ard 6.30 to inform him n report "sick" for "mc"
went anjana for facial . shopping @ taka for new "lingerie"
ajitei for tea break
can say is pretty gd
again another round of facial @ my neighbourhood n tennis session after that on sat
plan to make full use of that racquet
there r other tings i would do in the term break
take good care of my face..
enjoy n relax
earn a bit of comm before i get transfered
spend some time with my pa , family n frens
after all its a precious term break..until the next sem
DO NOT DWELL IN THE PAST > SAM > WAKE UP! ITS REALLY NOT HEALTHY MENTALLY

lately i been thinking
i dun feel like a team at work anymore
i juz wanna leave for a new environemnt now
tml when i go back br.. my mood feels like shit now
since i was awakened by a few sms
i sleep n i wake up halfway
i tink got to sleep if nt tml sureveri sleepy
now is like almost 4 in the mornin.woke up almost 30 mins ago
was msning with L.
haiz

heart wrenching pain.. heartbreaking

my heart is expectionally painful tonite.. especially after a long day out
everything hasnt been going smoothly. work, personal .one of my colleague sent me tis
Sam, as a fren i have some advice for you. Dun let your heart rule your head..think about it.. You dun really seems like urself after your break.. very emotional and hard to talk to. you flare up veri easily.. And very thorny.. i think you need to give some thoughts about it. Dun hurt those people around you esp those who care for you. with that i dunno y..

a list of bad things

printer jam

finger banged by meeting rm. so it bleed so luckily i got plaster myself

harrassed by nasty clients. those who come n come n come n look for u for e same ting.. double job

scolded for whole day by weirdos

do tings nt within my scope. nt my problem oso get it frm e client becoz i happen to take over e scope

kenna suan by ccb colleague. someone who is veri yaya

sweared by the above ccb colleague (KNN)i tink after one long day for front line . SWEAR BACCK AT HIM...HE CAnFXXX the wall... its his losing end i f i refuse to refer my work to him

i hate myself like this. i cant seem to gain self control like i always do
was so mad that i slamed the meeting room door which is also the first time i did that in my 1.5yrs in that office. stuck in tat room coz tat knob became stuck halfway n i needed help

e trigger pt came when tat %$&^#( swear at me.. KNN n i lost my cool nt in front of my client but i yelled at tis male colleague
which i believe he has been tolerating me for the past few days
i cry veri easily .. veri moody.. like the whole world is against me ,,, i tear easily like some insane looney
m so bad. i even yell at my best female fren
e only ppl which is spared is my dad. he knows nothing abt me
i have tis heavy sinking feel in my heart like someone just dug it away. i cant breathe
i seem to be taking it out n nt behaving well
i m so angry with my self
i dislike the person i m now
y cant i take it easy like other ppl

其实很爱你

listening to sad songs these days help to clear e gloomy air within me

其实很爱你

tis song really moves me
离开不会太悲伤
有些心情该释放
直到眼泪它自己落下
才发现骗不了自己
其实很爱你
现在学着去遗忘
躲开有你的地方
回忆被谁放在书架上
把他从最高的地方落下
感动越是深刻寂寞就越伤人喔
每个人的心里都会有一段伤痕
像白纸的天真仿佛被你伤得好深
相爱不需要理由
离开也没有理由
挽留

recuperating with tis in the nite

i still find it hard to accept it

although i know i cant cheat myself

some date which i entertained..

i finally agreed on tis guy's date after numerous rejections

n e conclusion.. FAil this candidate.. coz hes too well cordinated. organised n principled. n most impt thing HE IS BORING... y r accountatants like tat.. prudent n reserved

erm.. its definitely a passable but only frens

e bottle of chivas on e rock on fri nite was really lethal.. i was like unleashed completely

super high .. out of control n enjoying in a way

wats past is past. i cant control ting that r beyond my control

i cant change anyting abt it

but i can do someting to improve my future

better luck next time

sleep tightly tonite n dun tink abt it/ him again

i was so silly.. i probabbly die laughinh when i look at the ex posts when i m married with kids

n probabbly tat will be a gd text for my kids to refer on

a learning process

but a painful one

refreshed.. really no more tears, behave normally

he deserve it..

make him wait

hahahahha

recovering

chill out with the gals

forget about all the unhappiness

forgeting someone who has made me upset

sober @ 6 in the morning

last nite @ cini ktv was like a roller coaster ride

i cried like free n made everyone worried

i was drunk

but i could still make it home

without anyone sendind me up

however i puke like free flow oso

now my throat is like tastless n dry

my jaws hurts a lot now coz in order to wake myself up i slap myself really hard . several times i slap myself but i didnt have any feel or any pain

dunno y i self torture myself like this

its like a complete fool

i completely lost myself in rational thinking

n started to sob half way nonstop when i was drunk

which i guess tat was my true self... tat i was truly veri sad over the past few events which happened recently

e ending was like no one had seen me like this before

i was never so depressed openly before

i caused a lot of inconvenience for e working staff there n oso to my colleagues

it was just incontrollable.. n it was great venting off some negative feelings but in a veri stressful manner

tinking back i tink it was rather embarassing act

have to avoid cinileisure for a while

y me?

again i keena scolded becoz of someone's mistake

what is today ....

someting which i wrote

thanks. i know what to do. But somehow the heart rules more than the mind.still have a long way to go.
I always believe adversity trains one to be ready for the next battle
fresh month
fresh target
chiong for the bestest result before i leave the branch

tis is what a fren sms me
which i find it meaningful
life has its ups and down. sometime the sun shine, sometime the rain pour. but dont forget it take both the sun and rain to make a rainbow..
enjoy a sweetie nite

freaking mad

M i m a parrot to act for other ppl ?
freaking mad.. really how can tis dumb colleague ask me about other people'swhereabouts when they r perfect individuals who has a mind of their own
always asking me to remind me this n that of them to do their things when its actually none of my business
n i havent even scold her for spoiling my exam leave by calling me so many times in a day for some non important issues previoously
i just screw her back since she bark at me first
"then if u wanna check their attendance call them up. dun ask me" .
i m nt their interpreter
must cool down.. i must cool down..

FUCK CARE E EX

我要快乐

e sky is as gloomy as my mood

learn to forget . tats e best solution
do not harbour any more hopes of some asshole
self mutilating myself by crying doesnt help
i can help myself by being happy.. really genuinely happy for myself
hey bastard if u happen to read tis. good riddence to you
i wonder whos e next fool t waste time on you. n pls if u continue like this . pls remain single then

holiday to b alone

for 2 nites ppl who ask me out kept me waiting like 2-3 hr consecutively

ultimately this has made me rather melancholy

holiday mood has been spoilt

ultimately tis caused some distress

i have nt been myself lately

havent regain e bubbly self

have been spending time alone more to calm down

a rough nite. getting to bed. but i did it..

a rough nite. getting to bed. but i did it..

get over it plans for PH TML

anyway today is PH eve

hahahhahahAHAHAHHAHA

hermit..

retreat in my little shell n recuperate

need a nice sleep n slumber to recharge

fresh air to breathe

really no wish to dwell on the past

besides having a gd cry listenting to those sad songs.
maybe i shouldnt really have met up with him again
anyway i will move on .. no worries
its part n parcel
its just tat after i took so long to get used to now. i have fresh slash of heartache over again.. thanks for my own obstinate n stubborness

suddenly i just want to be alone

sometimes it nt good to know too much where you realize there is too much bitching around you need to know who are your frens & your foe i just found out how annoying & easily irritable i was . n here i m blogging out of my usual spot. @ e work panel. somehow tings just got out of hand n it seem to affect my work performance as well my attitude towards other people just got the worse out of me. its like not the usual me i oso wonder y i flare up so easily recently as if the whole world was against me especially to men . the fuse snapp easily ,, i cant sleep well insonmia acts on me n basically i behave like some moron on the loose. luckily the people around me do not bear grudges but perhaps its high time i wont let the emotion get better of me n start attacking innocent parties around me. could be due to information overload & the inability to analyse properly , rationally is just not same old sam i know. i should try my best to get some decent sleep, n stop the topic about tat idiotic creature again whos nt worth my trouble or effort its causing people much distress n causing me to lose my cool as well . just not worth it over such a scum i should have known better. luckily i was smart enough to break out of this whole cycle of the "potential ordeal again" by pulling the handbrake. its as if vending the accumulated anger on some victim actually come to think about it.. i was so harsh as well. towards the foe as well as the innocent parties somehow or rather i grown to appreciate the wonderful things around me n i guess the forumn of others inspire me to move on despite the veri fact of the reminises that i m fond of. all this should come to and end as it would not bring about a future as well with such candidate. after this i guess. he should come to a common understanding that he should not mess around n ruin some other gal's life with his kind of attitude,

.................................

its almost 3 in the morning... my ex bf tried to reconcile with me... but hes passive bitch who is veri bo chap// so after 6 months .. he suddenly wanted to meet up out of e blue , n silly me still met up with him after exam foolishly thinking that hes going to change but sad to say hes not sincere at all n sstill treats me like part time .. i flare up after 10 days of consideration .. n i msg him in MSN veri harsh language.. e.g to ask him to FUCK OFF MY LIFE, ! n DUN WASTE MY TIME.
right now there is another guy who is nice to me caring n all but i cant accept him yet although hes a better choice..
i ahven been mentally tired managing my sales team when there is no boss n i have this stupid problem which afffects my sleep.. n tis must happen during my term break
anyway i have finally convinced myself to let go of such a lousy ex . n it was pointless to carry on anyway..
but 1 hr later i was veri guilty that i flare up at someone i still have feelings for although he such a bastard. i wonder y in work i can be so decisive .. for work i can firmly reject HR n tell them i will defer my transfer till my team is stable when the new manager come inbut y in such case i cannot make a clean decision instead

Sam

its nt an easy nite for me 29/5/07

its nt easy for me to take the last resort to make a harsh decision n comments
such as
F*** off my life!
YOU ARE NOT A GD BF
STOP WASTING MY TIME & UR TIME
U NEVER CHANGE N U NEVER NEVER WILL CHANGE!!
WITH THAT THE LAST PHRASE WAS , I HATE YOU!
luckily e above was in msn n not face to face..
such a passive sissy bastard..
1 hr after i fcuked tat idiot, i begin to feel bad n guilty for such display of behavior
n i begin to sob.. tat i used some harsh language on someone i loved deeply
my heart cringes whenever i tink back i m so horrid person,,

plans... n more observation

i made a bit of thinking process since the met up with him, the issue of incompatibility still strikes in the thought process.
n perhaps which is probabbly true that certain tings cant be mended.
it still under much observation. i dun dare to dream on whether things can be improved. i rather hang on the "moment'
work is much anticapated as i have decided to stay put in this sales team after much thinking . to move on after 6 months when i tink i m more ready to the upgraded title n job scope, no use forcing myself to accomodate when i got no time for work commitment

freaking fri

its been the 5th day since i got back to work.. still veri sleepy coz i have been sleeping for only 5-6 hours this week, hopefully i can sleep more during the weekends
last nite i manage to solve n get to a solution on my internal transfer n deployment problem
although it is not a nice move. i have no choice but to.
after e tennis . i wish that i can sleep normally tonite.. i need a good rest to recharge, have too much things going on in my mind.
i wonder how r things getting on in brisbane.. with my dad and my niece n nephew over there , bro n sister in law as well

once again to make a decision-- @ a cross junction

Oe...embrace says:
only u? 2 where?
Psychedelical says:
long story
Psychedelical says:
managment decision
jOe...embrace says:
2 where?
Psychedelical says:
hr wants me to consider
Psychedelical says:
n reply them soon
Psychedelical says:
i should b i mnt
jOe...embrace says:
wat's yr worry?
Psychedelical says:
i m nt confident
jOe...embrace says:
re-adapt?
Psychedelical says:
Psychedelical says:
esp when i got only 1 more yr in uni
Psychedelical says:
i didnt tink tat far. just tot of staying in this neighbourhood friendly client base
jOe...embrace says:
is true, esp if u r so used 2 the environment n pple....
jOe...embrace says:
so wat if u tell HR yr opinion?
Psychedelical says:
coz it was e CM idea to swop me out
jOe...embrace says:
he dun like u?
Psychedelical says:
last month when i was nt ard. performace index drop veri badly
Psychedelical says:
last in the network among 60 branches
Psychedelical says:
n my referral rate was affected partly becoz of e br. low walk in rate
Psychedelical says:
so these 2 contriButing factors..
jOe...embrace says:
poor u...
Psychedelical says:
actually my colleague suggested i upgrade to premier banking
Psychedelical says:
RO position i m nt conifident enough
Psychedelical says:
with private clients
jOe...embrace says:
if u upgrade 2 premier banking, i'll let u handle my a/c...
Psychedelical says:
Psychedelical says:
i got to reply to HR soon n arange for the interview to b done
Psychedelical says:
o whether its a move now
Psychedelical says:
or should i hop to UOB instea
Psychedelical says:
instead
jOe...embrace says:
uob hunt u?
Psychedelical says:
no la my classmate is in UOB say nt environemt
Psychedelical says:
no need referral similar type of scope
Psychedelical says:
serously if tis offer had came 1 yr later, i would nt be in such predicament
jOe...embrace says:
wat is yr plan?
Psychedelical says:
maybe compare ard
Psychedelical says:
check out other banks as well as internal employment seriously,
Psychedelical says:
my boss told me tis while iwas having lunch in the pantry so after hearing tat, i cant finish my lunch
Psychedelical says:
headache man tot i can rest during my term break n this must happen.. life is such a twist
jOe...embrace says:
b calm, i kw is a difficult moment. but jst speak yr heart 2 them.
Psychedelical says:
I am so used to neighborhood friendly base,, its such a tough decision
Psychedelical says:
as a matter of fact i oso told tis boss i have only 1 more yr in sch ..
Psychedelical says:
My BM is deployed to china so the new one. coming to take over so its like in a mess
Psychedelical says:
i have a fellow colleague who has trs to premier recently . she told me she woud me .. i would probabbly k her opinioin
Psychedelical says:
recently i hacent been Sleeping well , coz e tons of left over had to b cleared by month end
Psychedelical says:
n tis should happen
Psychedelical says:
i slept only 4-5 hrs only. waking up in betwn. coz i had tis Bad feeling.. after my colleague told me abt our veri Bad performance

someting which i took down frm a fellow fren's blog

Most of the times good things seldom happen to us. What we see are all the bad things in life. Sometimes when we encounter problems we always asked ourselves why should we enduring such kind of pains? Who cause the pains? How to ease the pains? I think the pains that we are enduring is our own choices. We choose pain in a certain situations and sometimes whether we like it or not we still feel the pain. Maybe this is a test for us on how strong we are and to build us to be a stronger person. I think in every circumstance it does always depend on us how we look at things and how we approach problems whether we see it in a negative or positive way.Whether we like it or not in LIFE there would always be an up and down and there would be happiness and bitterness. Without all this life will be meaningless. Anyway life still goes on. Times will not wait for us.To make life more interesting just to remember the good things that had happen to us. This can cheers us through out our whole life.

sam

0240

240507

take tings as they come

putting in effort, n hope things will turn out fine

gd start

wake up @ 5. 50 am today . hope its a gd sign n oso a gd start

i made a decision to take a chance

take a chance first.

i tink i still cant get over him

ya.. i cannot tink properly
give myself more time..
i cant force myself

getting back to work after a 3wk break

make a wise decision
evaluate choices.
accept someone new or rekindle fond memories with the old flame.

fucking confussed again .similar episode

its bee n averi long weekend. after e luxurious massage.. e gals.. e gathering . soccer watch ex fling episode.. i dunno if i m in the correct state of mind to think.
i didnt know i got e mental strength to push him away
seriously i was happy tat i met up with him, but @ e same time when he pop up abt patching up. i got e jitters.i hate losing. really hate it
veri confused.. we did it,, yes... i was visualising a welcome hug. i missed e bear .e bear hug my lost n found love.
time....think carefully

first day of summer holiday

its a fresh start . ending of an academic yr.

last paper was quite a painful process

i missed out an important acc statement. B/S i pray i will pass...

never want to go t through e same round on the same topic again..

finally.. reaching e finishing line soon..so close

exactly 12hrs frm now
so much anxiety n formula to squeeze in//
infor overload
i need a cold shower to wake myself up.. its been ages since i stay up whole nite just to revise..

1 more to go n more struggling.. no more theory ..pscheydelical

yeah... last paper...
psychedelical indeed
too much theory will make u nuts
for the first time i loved my calculator..
lookinf forward to massage again..
pa is flying off tml nite.. haiz...
stock up on lots groceries so i dun have to go out a lot but still get food
formulas...

15/5/07 start of e battle

in another 12 hrs it another gruelling round once again .. after e power maggi mee n soon to gulp nescafe,,, life i so much rosier..having a nap..lots of tea during the day n by focusing your thoughts nt to sleep helps..speed reading has been a knack of skilln e more determined you r to pursue someting it just gets the better of u
i overheard a short slip of a story n radio about a clever jockey,

the story revolves about this jockey. in fact a few jockeys were trying to tame a wild horse but was unable to. they tried means n ways .. but once they forced it n try to ride it, it would run loose . however this particular jockey took a long n good look at his wild horse.. examined it throughly and discovered a pointed metal object on one of the horse' hooves. so the morale of the story was simply not to jump in to problem straight away before finding the root of the issue.
veri often even myself, failed to be sharp in noticing errors or the " real problem" this causes distress among urself when u cant keep your cool to ration out your thoughts,
so after knowing the story. tis brings me to applying in my upcoming's exams or other matters be it personal or work. to observe carefully before coming to a rash conclusion without a thought for the rest. n it takes just extra few more mins or time to come to a better conseus and understanding
it has been a rough n long day. memorising concepts & sociological theories
count down. again to the last paper.. FRI>>>>>

f***king pissed with some colleague

sun call me today call me. email her oso like no use for a stupid pic..
email her fine cannot receive. ok reply her say will pass her on sat still not happy
spoiler . spoil my nap call me for such nonsense.
si bei bui zhi dong..
so irritating !!
email her already./ reply her still nt enough sun received her call already bui song. today still test my patience, KNN.. i veri bek jek already lack of sleep still come n call me on such nonsense
i must calm down !!looking forward to sat.. SPA....

f***king pissed with some colleague

sun call me today call me. email her oso like no use for a stupid pic..
email her fine cannot receive. ok reply her say will pass her on sat still not happy
spoiler . spoil my nap call me for such nonsense.
si bei bui zhi dong..
so irritating !!
email her already./ reply her still nt enough sun received her call already bui song. today still test my patience, KNN.. i veri bek jek already lack of sleep still come n call me on such nonsense
i must calm down !!looking forward to sat.. SPA....

afraid of letting go to accept something new

if love can bring 2 people together, y is tat it also leads them away

one had to go thru separation, heart broken, moving on, and a cycle of accepting someone else

a normal bgr revolves the various stages.. like team forming from inital awkwardness to total blissfulness & at ease..

i m seeking someone who i can rely on.. a sort of brotherly love that prolongs even when i m in a relationship

but its so difficult . might take a whole lifetime to get to know tat someone.. SO..

n when incidents happen .it might strike to u separation is inevitable

after wolfing down 2 donuts. it feels like heaven , while listening to dylan guo's heart wrenching tunes.its recuperating forcing myself to concentrate on a relatively warm afternoon. can only absorb 40% of the content. so i m nw.ritually bloggin out of habit again.
a well deserved break on next sat with a full 2 hrs of massage, body scrub & jaquzzi, but before that is another7 days of gruellingn heavy intensive revision.
after all. only 1chance to show what we can prove our understanding. miss this n we got to redo all this agonising process on the same lousy units again
it took me while to decide if i would want to include him in this well deserved retreat.
e objective is a test to me to get over it and convince myself its not possible between us
telling myself n e actual thinking process does not correlate
soft heartedness wont work this time. face it ! sam dun ly to urself believing everthing is going 2 be okay. apparently its not.
but stubbornly i would like to know the outcome afterall we only live once
anyting is possible..when we know we try hard enough
2nd lower class....

E DONUT CRAZE..

after craving for the lovely donuts for about a few weeks i decided to try it myself on how nice it tasted. n in the end here i was queueing it for 3.5 hrs today@ the shopping mall.. THis instance just goes to show how passionate n singaporeans can be about having good food.. n i m commenting really nice n crispy ones.
Donut factory is really a huge sucess with as long as 3 barricades..as early as 11 to have customers waiting outside the store.
its really yummy n crunchy well.. worth the wait
i waited from 12noon-3.30pm for 2 dozen donuts
with 15 assorted flavors i m so spoilt for choice. but @ the same time i also can sense that i am going to fall sick if i do not stop those sinful indulgences , my body feels hot n my head was spining on the way back. coz after e 3.5hrs i waited another 2 hrs @ sim lim coz my buddy was buying tis LCD monitor screen that fails to work every time the sales promoter do the testing.so i resolved to take e cab back myself first before i really fall sick
AS expected i shared my well deserved snacks with my buddies n family..ah pa did loved those ..although earlier this morning he said that it was nonsense n complete waste of time to queue. n haha i did changed his perception after he tasted it..!! YUMMY...
Just as i tot i m going to fall sick, i give myself no chance by poping in panadol extra again n this time with an added extra booze . i armed myself with herbal tea " just in case "gulped lots of water to make sure i m in pink of health for the exam next week
my face feels a little warm now.. n i m starting to get a little giddy n tats e price for being a little sweet tooth..
zk was being a nice pal by coming over my place to guide me on my accounts the evening before.. today i had a nice break n i havent start on my notes n books yet.. e chocolate!!!.. double chocolate.. oh yeah! . so high! after consumption helps to keep me awake for tonite.. heavy reading.. before that need to load myself with sugar to be active n alert.chocolate keeps peoply happy beaming with delight . quite true but dont know how long the effect lasts.

battle @ expo hall 7

after 4 yrs grad in poly, first attempt of many years in tertiay education , i manage to have a taste what it was like in a huge exam hall with countless candidates like me waiting to submit our scripts up for marking.
the anticipation, fear & a total mixed emotions evoked through my brain. like a flash , i had to pull myself together n focus on the completion of my paper in the stipulated period of time in 3 hrs
The exam hall @ expo was huge as the rows is endless.
we c a lot of weary faces n worried expression. all ready to "charge" for exam n aim straight home.
luckily there was a break. grace period of 6 days for me before my next battle if nt i would not know how to prepare for exam
i always thought i wont be able to sit through a 3 hr paper but then i was wrong. in the middle of my exam i tot of leaving n not persisting further. instead i pop in my usual pandadol extra n decide to brave through it. no time to be scared n worried. be calm n perfom my usual self. n tings should be easy tosolve
it is intimidating but nt as daunting as i perceived it to be
i got to perserve on n hang on its jsut another 9 more days n my days of agony for exam fever would be over for this yr.

050507 1403hrs

hahahha now in bro3 place again . brought along my barang barang POA n marketing text, refernce & past yr papers to study here.. heehehehehe

muster all efforts to wake up @ 6 to revise

i m a weird bitch who refuse to sleep a lot..hahahah

rain big big.. weather damn shiok

haiyah cannot go out coz e foul weather
so before it started raining. i actually convinced my dad to play badminton with me before i started my revison coz my head was so bogged down with figures since last evening for my POA paper. head was throbbing n i had 2 panadol extra to calm myself down
n i figured well. since i had a bit of time. i can play some sports to calm myself down
theres abt 5000 candidates for exam for the 1st marketing paper. n i got 6 more days
thank god. office has stopped their nonsense calls by now.
HRM.. FW taylor. federick winslow taylor.
kelly twin track model.job redesign
POA. P &L . BS. cashflow. ratio analysis
sociogy, marx , weber. durkheim
its really a lot to digest. n i feel pressured to succumb to lazines & slumber
ok ok serious serious.. essay preparation

battle begins frm 1/5 - 18/5/07

labour day but indeed laborious nite ahead for me and the weeks to come. a lot of focus & effort to make things happen. nt letting anyone to ruin my well deserved break.
enough of socialising now is not the time to play already. if i do not want to risk failing anyunit or waste another more yr of mine.
watched wild hogs. veri enjoyable but have to start long nites at the study table n decline kind dinner offers frm my frens or any form of group date if possible..
coz will get distracted n waste more time on unnessary activites.
i tink have to tabao for most of my meals so as to maximise the hours possible.
hope to c the light after the dark tunnel to c my efforts paid off, fruits of my labour
with all my hectic schedule put in ..
ok adios. have to start revision . serious revision.

genki genki

it seems that i have got over jl coz hes really not the one who i envisage.
in summary hes a rotten scumbag who do not deserve a gem with him
amk hub with of old bean--shopping nlunch with him
bugis-acc him to buy shades frm viv's uncle's shop
starting to get in the mood for exam..begining serious revision
received a surprise sms frm jl to the movies after exam . i reckon by the next time we met up it will be a different type of experience towards him
a purely frienship catch up n nothing more.
2 hrs of reading before i join my family for JB trip. hehehe
giving myself till 1530 to slack till abt 1730
rather a happy n jovial.. happy swinging single.
who i plan to go on short last min trip with my buddies.. getting by each day happier than ever
hahahaahahah
shall decide later if i wanna meet

facial on a sun

finally e house is empty..
did a sleepover @ viv's
her airon was shiok
finally mustered all determination to make a pathetic attempt for the accounting questions
xh's baby is out.. on 15 Apr... my bonus pay day.
clean the fan in my room , swept my room n mopped it.. feeelsclean now..
ok got to wash my face off those mask.. time to start revision

a heavy heart after attending a funeral of someone i know

so attending to a wake after class was something which was naturally quite saddening. e mood was just not right.
every dog has its day. n to tink such a strong person. n a sudden departure
just reminds me to treasure kinship more since life is so fragile
way back when i was 6 or 7 i still used to pop by my ex sister in law's place to overnite or even had reunion dinner with them since we had a rough time when my mum passed away then
its been 13yrs tis yr now since my mother left me..
thinkinh back i was still 11 n now i m 24 capable of taking care of myself on my own n contributing to the family expenses.
to tink tat senior had tots of traveling overseas n before he left . he did the housework n boiled water.. haizz life is like a game sometimes never know what will happen next

long weekend with lots of rest

its been like a 3 day break frm work n was really good
manage to sleep till like 10 or 11 on average
caught a jolin concert. visited my mum's @ mt vernon
another yr has passed.. e kids.. nephew n niece r picking up fast/
kids of the past simply cant be compared to present.
smarter. more fortunate . more access to better environment n facilities
i bet my bro's son has nt sat on a mrt / public transport for more than 5 times since hes borned
bump with my 3rd uncle n his wife n for so many yrs . now we met by chance
its a lot to give in in a family as a role as a mother n wife.. i c tat in my sister in law's role.. as for bro hes got only 2 hrs of sleep n hes got to drive ard to pray to the ancestors @ cck
n hes rewarded with a sudden small fortune as he strike 4d with his intuitive abilities.. hahaha gd for him.
my inital plan of coping on my own seems to b nt tat easy .. i cant really cook well
n i m rather dependent on my siblings rather nt in material but emotional aspect as the value of family dinner n bonding seems strong
after tis week. next week start preparation a bit scared liao

losing n gaining

To sum up 2006, i lost n gain tings which i once had. people n memories which i had.but the fact is its never the same prior to the test of time, the certain beliefs that once clung to me has modified. e inital feeings that was once touched was never the same after a couple of years later. it has got an expiry date for that. & realization struck me.like few buckets of icy water splashed to me straight to my face.
it can never b the same.
losing has made me gained stronger kinship n bond with my family n closer group of buddies.no doubt they have provided me the care that i need during the past 3 months which i had gradually picked myself up frm when i fell. e brief period with that person taught me a few learning pt.some conversation with the consultants has provided the other side of me which needs to be further improved which i will work on strongly to consciously be aware to greatly affect my interpersonal skills with certain external parties ie colleagues , superior n the upcoming ones.letting go of some good memories is never a easy task, but i have faith that i can set my mind to accomplish it.it takes a lot to do that. n to me waking this path till now has never been smooth sailing, frm my innocent adolences to the present.having times of solitude is benefical to b able to sort those confused & mixed messages running in my mind to sieve through the negative emotions & slow emerging to the usual bubbly n chirpy self.
i might have lost someting but i belive i have gained more now.
it will be a more fruitful journey ahead even without some companionship but its ok . coz it needs more of the strength n courage to face it than to hide frm it.
2007 n the upcoming 2008 . as much as i could spice up my activities n do a complete make over but testing my own limit. overiding my personal limitations n enjoying life as it comes.
by taking small steps gradually , i strongly believe it my goals can be achieved ultimately n who knows it might b e best decison made to make up for my loss.
truth stings but it never lies.
cant help but be relieved
that the twist of events can b a blessing in disguise.
0222 250307

a tough day today

a nt so gd start wtih a few diffcult customers 1203
confrontation frm a fellow colleague vs a chao keng colleague, caught in between...well tat was on a mon

tue.. farewell dinner with linda the crew1303
last min claim off,, got a earful frm lee ... n pat.. hehehe
went out on a dinner with CK... friendly person but not my type



wed.. so far so gd1403

Reminiscences

those were the days where we worry about exam, waking up early for sch. studying for finals n working on ur final yr project. i c my niece n nephews looking at their cute school bags brings back to ur school days..

today's trip to causeway pt... gives me much reminiscences of the movie together...

going to the usual shops again is a different type of experience

some tings which r over ought to be , its been almost 3 months since we broke off. i still cant bring myself to forget everyting , e tings shared n done

its like a sore feeling which cant be erased easily n it puts a fear whenever i meet new ppl

i thought i can get over him.

but it takes slower than i tink i could

appointment with e sunlight adviser

hahahahha not another trip to visit the consultant for advice in my overall luck this pig yr..

dunno wats e e outcome after her cousulation

quiet day @ the br...

with e usual interesting characters..

another hr to ko. looking forward to a nice nap

a psychiatric visit with old bean on 23/3

just had lunch with old bean.
called me up .
after visiting the clinic for mc was refered to a medical specialist for his mental health issues
got some info to seek some professional help frm behavioral clinic to seek some form of appointment to find out his source of problem to treat his clinical problems
sleepwalking in the night , nt able to sleep well n occasionally some shocking acts just put an alram,
although its rather worrying..
dunno what is wrong with the issue.
maybe some doctor advice would be good to solve rotten worm's issue n his worries

frm sleeptalking.. gradually smashing the Tv in the rm, to sleep walking n taking a knife ard in the house is certainly rather detrimental..
affects e well being as well as my safety in the house. has to keep a watch or keep my room locked so i can sleep in peace.

got to get more information frm the web to get some facts right so as to to be prepared of the various kinds of treatment to apply .

except for that pt. i guess e family is still right on track,
with me gradually bucking up each day. challenging myself.. reminding myself that i have no more time to waste.. ace thru my upcoming exams.

worm issue can only be solved if he can solve his own problems so he can be no longer a burden to old bean.

no more time to waste..

shiken...

2 more months n it will b exam
feeling e heat man
...
veri soon i have to cross the hurdles n various obstacles to reach my goals n targets
tiring but fufiling lifestyle

tough units.
scared of failure. afraid that i will have to retake , n redo. n my efforts will b wasted
tats a veri dark thought.

after visiting ravee today. she did gave mesome pointers.
like building n improving more PR whic h will aid me in my relationship with people . ie colleagues
its really a challenge, maybe being too straightforward do put me in difficult position
wat brings me after next yr. upon grad is a big question mark like back to the line of cross roads.
lately i been tinking.. really making lots of $$$ n oso achieving the interest which i like to pursue.
is it really a wise decision to leave a comfort zone . n starting frm the scratch
should i go for the swizzerland intership or stay in the comfort n familar banking environement which i have grown so accustomed..
front line indeed is exciting n true enough never boring but can get tiring n mind draining
last nite @ st james was one nite tat i cant forget coz i c the ugly side of human
corroding away in the cells of the nite entertainment
life is never tat peaceful.. each to our own path to seek

study.. read ..regurgitate... in exam n forget

its been stressful living with 2 problemactic men in the house . putting up with all their nonsense, getting some sanity so i wont get mental problems as well

get away with these family soap opera n move out on my own, watever ....it is...tat if e last resort

nt enough of sleep n long hours facing such problems. with e problem child n e senile father.

family issues r always present always a case to give n take until to a pt cannot make it then alternatives to solve e issues

time to retaliate n show my colors n my capabilities of wat i can do. tink i m tat easily bullied.. no way..
its been so unfair, everyone in e family dun seem to care for my pt of view.
i detest n despise men like e rotten one who stays under e same roof as myself. its a challenge to me at my struggling years .
y should such tings happen to me when i should be happily enjoying my prime years.really begining to lose faith n confidence in the next relationship that comes along. its been shitty n theres nothinh to salvage such situation , i wonder if my mum thought tat way when she was my age.
like some tings, i got to face reality n face it alone when e odds come on n crash me on my mental state of mind. reminding me to be stronger n tougher than i imagined i could possibily can b.
some aspects can b fixed like career , self development can b changed if i make effort to
others like a nt so condusive family environment , fucked up loved life cant b helped. continues to b messed up.
like of my fren advised me since it cant b changed, i got to change myself instead. in order to b flexible.
men r nothing. i dun need a man. however i just need one good man .
many characters. types ... e good one doesnt come along easily. n i cant be tat easily swayed just to get out of a troublemaker n risk my future happines for the potential golden years which is approximately like at least 30-40yrs to face n live with tat "someone"
on the other hand, the unhappiness accumulated inside has weathered me till i tink i cant pick n choose like some junk on the street
looking forward to tat person on next weekend on what sort of advice she has installed for me for this pig yr.. in fact i get so affected tat watever i read n study doesnt get in my head. i shouldnt.. but i cant seem to relax

overcoming all odds n hurdles no matter how difficult it takes to achieve

its again another day.. day 3 of CNY
again problem child cannot wake up for work.. use the family car n me , the poor innocent party has to fetch the older lad back..
veri stressed .. have to by hook or by crook complete the UOL program these 2 yrs hopefully next yr due to the following reasons

• Time
• money
• Age
• potential bread winner for the family since pa doesnt have many years to slog already.. puts on a strain on me.. to b able to contribute since rotten worm cant b trusted

testing our patience... well i shall have my strategy on such idiots. since talking sense doesnt help already . i will deal it my own method.. take into consideration my buddy's suggestions

mock exam ...6 days exactly to my 1st paper .. no preparation.

I 've gambling n i lost like $50 during my 3 day intensive gambling session after home visiting..my poor luck probabbly due to i havent pay my fine hahahaha. so its bad luck for gambling

every yr's the same to socialise with those few relatives

talking abt some common topics to catch up

listening to some of the latest gossip frm various uncles n aunties abt their own nuclear family group. each family has their share of issues

overcoming all odds n hurdles no matter how difficult it takes to achieve

i tink when i look back this entry again .. 2 yrs frm now. i would tink tat everyting tat i forgone now is all worth it..

11 days of my bro 3 nt in town, i realized 3 key tings

1. i have been really reliant on my elder bros.. tat i havent been able to b on e road on my own since they r always guiding me n i didnt have the chance to explore so its an eye opener.. after being lost on the road n navigating on my own , as i have poor sense of direction n i m a idiot in reading maps
2. its a skill to fend on my own. whether its on e road or in the society n some tings tat appear to b glamorous like being a proud car owner is nt at all.so many hidden cost to the expenses .. stressed on the safety of your loved ones n careful planning on the road so as nt to miss the way n waste time n petrol
3. i realize e importance of family bonding.. now tat i m approaching my mid twenties soon. tis yr i ate reunion dinner alone beside the tv eating tabao chicken rice frm auntie may . it was so miserable in a way.. started to tink too much whether e family will disperse if pa is nt ard to supervise or pull the family together. e rotten worm continues to give trouble n much worries until his own sad history adds on a precedent of his own broken marriage that i cant afford another disappointment in this family to add on my father 's woes.. selection of the "right " candidate becomes another form of stress to me..someone who can take care of me since i m so used to b taken care of.. till that happens i m on my own to stick on n continue my "struggle" since its a battle with the rotten worm who seems to act stupid is a cunning one in disguise

well ,everyone's learning curve is different. a break is wat i need frm the wrong ppl ... the cert tat i been yearning for the past few yrs is the most important task to complete. it has been a impossible task so far since attempting driving for my 6th attempt i achieved.. n after intensive driving n bumping in the wrong turns . i got e hang of it n i grown to appreciate my family chauffeurs more than ever..

no one can predict tomorrow but i hope to make the best out of today.

always uncertain. many possibilities

200207

1121

march of e pig yr

wow wow. i m suddenly a blooming 24 yr old lass .. how time flies for e past 12 yrs since my previous pig yr at 12, while i was still a kid.
now i have the financial needs to carry myself ard oso to drive myself ard although with much loss of direction.. lousy sense of direction. n it feels scary to be all alone stranded on some dark lane tryiing to fish my way back to my destination..
a nite of roller coaster , while i was so close to my way to fetch my ah pa.. on e eve.. memorable 2007 lunar new yr eve
luckily my ah lu was ard to guide me. was a bundle of wrecked nerves.. after missing my way in the newly estate in sengkang .. hougang..
now i can proudly declare i can strandle with the paths of SLE ,CTE & PIE
yesterday it was a whole day of missing myway n finding my way.
movie , nite rider with my pals n rushing to airport t2 to fetch dad
n it ended with mahjong with my frens...
sleeping at abt 4.. n waking up .. 9 today teary... n i lapse in slumber for a nap of abt 45 mins before setting off to home visiting.
after cny,, will have to focus on studies.. 2 more day to enjoy..

v day 2007

Summary of events on Vday2007

• Fun & Germ's futile efforts to cheer me up on V day by surprising me with a stalk of rose
• Having a celebration with JEssica @ Sakae's PM.. before HRM's lecture
• COuldnt really eat much due to a outburst of a series of events , domestic issues , academic & work
• Attending M's last le cture on the exam format for HRm
• Attending to weird,erratic situation during operations @ work which turns out more problemactic than usual
• Stressful & tiring evening to focus. yawning throughout my class
• Finally retreating 2 slumber n relaxing

do u agree ?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Because reality sets in!Actually its because there are stages to a relationship. The first stage is teh falling in love stage. Then reality sets in, thats stage 2, its where you see your partners flaws. This is the time when most couples split, because you see ther person for who they are not what you think they are when you are in love. Stage 3 is the decision to love stage. It's realizing that your partner is human and then making the decision to love them despite the fact that it feels like you are no longer in love.

wat a so "lucky"day

notice no reads 736700586V
its my first summon since i started driving.. a mere 10min walk to e wet market to get those marketing items leads me to $30 poorer.. shit... 1018am....haizz pay lor
its nt a easy task rememebering routes & finding car park lots ...i seem to have so much trouble finding my way ard .. ..still feels better being the passenger

the operations at work seems to be better now since i have an assistant for me this festive season.

never i have felt so humilatedwhen "he gloated at my presence " when i was doing my work as a front line staff, distributing some new yr sweets . he displays such a childish behavior.
as if depising me on my work.
its none of his business oso..

veri vexed......

so angry...

no choice LL . blame it on my "luck"

begining of a busy work schedule

list of tings on my mind.. sat. sun . mon
no fullrest.. longer working hours to prepare for lunar new yr operation work, event on sun, traiining on mon. nt forgeting mon its e first day of battle ... n 2 weeks of peak human traffic in front line...n finding time to revise on e weekends.. time to pack my room.. spring cleaning.. some time to relax ... sleep n revise for sch work... all tis is so packed....

lacklustre performance... easily exhausted n down on luck

Before the lunar pig yr march in.. i have this buggy thought that this year is going to be not so smooth ahead with increase of difficult situations n new problem issues arising frm work.
the rain continues to pour mercilessly on this weekday afternoon .. on lunch hours.
tings like technical fault, those which r nt human error happen to disrupt my normal routine... i wonder if tis is due to my lack of luck or just fate...
perhaps its a new term. n i m still adjusting to the hours... so exhausted after class each day .. n i 've having too many dreams recently. which makes me even more drained out even i had many hours of beauty recuperating sleep .
lady luck is just not on my side......

i hope my luck gets better

the yr 2007 marks a new start. n my first email was a complaint issue... OMG, n before that the sad news is my sales team is gonna spilt.. one of my members cannot move to a new team. n shes gonna b transfered. tis is so demoralising after working together for a couple of months , we manage to build up a little bond, its a mixed feeling.it affects everyone , no one's recovered frm the sudden news.
to make matters worse, my phone just die on me.. n i manage to get a little loan phone from a pal if nt i super handicapped without my cell... it says no service.. no signal on n off . tis is so pek jek...
even if i dun like the changes, i still got to accept it even the new team might not be as friendly n caring environment.
its like a political decison.
i hope my luck gets better.....
i need a lot of positive energy.. coz i have been so grouchy lately.. i tink i remind myself of a shriveled plum sometimes..
i really need to take tings slow , n put relationship on hold for a while , coz all tis little episodes just drive me to a corner.. i had enough, n till e rite one pops... i tink theres no need for me to get hurt unnecessarily. time to learn frm tat old lesson. nt worth mentioning..

e end of a long weekend n a brand new start

it s the end of the long weekend, a brand new yr, 2007. seriously i dunno how i manage to get thru it.sometimes when i c someting , or listen to some songs, it reminds me of him. i know its over but somehow i cannot bring myself to accept the truth coz it hurts to know.
i put in effort but i cannot c the result. e more i give in, the harder it is to get over it.
wat a joke...
tis will take me a long time to heal... i try my best to forget but its nt easy
i wonder if its so easy for him on his side..

letting go.. but y wont e head n heart cordinate

i have 10mins before i reveal the commercial sam that i present to the rest. seriously i feel bad , badly hurt.
i wonder if he feels sad oso that he has been the nasty guy. i realized one ting its difficult to make a decison to make someone sad. feels worse i tink.
maybe its just nt the rite timing.
maybe its just me for being difficult
although its over, i cant stop myself thinking about him, missing him esp in the holiday season. i was supposed to prepare my essays but i couldnt bring myself to do anyting decent. even for last nite. i forced myself to rest so i can have a better time the next day for work.
this yr's xmas n new yr eve had indeed been "memorable"
i m afraid. so afraid of losing him before. but i still lost him.
is there someting to erase my memories so i can b happier.. which is known a selective memory hahahhahah...
time to start cracking for work.. time nt to wallow in self -pity

it was like a holiday romance

just like some ppl , some things happen n end quickly. it was like a holiday romance testing the patience of 2 individuals poles apart. my patience has been tested to the maximium, n tis has tell me someting, a bunch of excuses n the actions taken to justify a person 's true character.
i know i will pull myself up frm tis nonsensical behavior which is not worth over a lousy person. after being in n out of each relationship, i guess we just cant be swayed by emotions, n begin rashly.in order to prevent being heart broken.. e time was short. n there was a lot of waiting.. its nt a good feeling to be always the one waiting.always the person putting in effort n nt being reciprocated. yah frens tell me nt to waste time on such a person. he has nt contributed much n now hes blaming me for it. yet i feel terrible... esp in the midst of a long weekend ahead, nt that i dread them but it would b a good time to recuperate alone.. nursing the wounds that were inflicted on me.i feel cheated , with a chain of promises but each were nt fulfiled or even the minimum achieved. all talk n no action.n tis is how i cultivate trust... TRUST!
A person whos nt fit to question me, what was e objective of having a significant other. when he cannot be relied on. turning my back on me when i need someone.n finally this wakes me up from a long summer dream n all sorts of possible reason sprung to my mind. wat if he doesnt cares at all, another suitable candidate perhaps.or simply hes too lazy to try to accomodate.leaving another party sad n alone.i should thank him for nt prolonging my agony n false naive thoughts that i can still carry on one- sidely based on my effort. if nt the last day of the year would turn out to b the worst day of the whole year.

awakened

i had one of the most miserable nites so far during my xmas holiday tis yr, i dragged myself out of bed today. its been ages since i feel down to work.
the weather has been bloody cold n e wind has numbed me while walking on the streets
it just proves me someting after e call last nite.

there is a little voice in me which tells me hes like a bond. slow n stable , low risk n worth the time for investment
i finally wake up n decide to nt to tink further
it drains too much of my energy.
i check up on the net to find e testimonial deleted , i tink i can expect the worst outcome.
some tings cant b forced
he doesnt puts in effort
hes too passive
hes insincere
if hes unwilling to accomodate so y in the hell he wanted to b in relationship in the first place
i have a valid reason to doubt coz i m most likely insecure, he does nothin to earn my trust
trust has to be accumulated gradually
i have a feel tat i m always kept in the dark, we already dun communicate much, or even sms. if he doesnt open up , i m really clueless
i felt tat iwas talking to air. cant help but was deeply disappointed tat he should turn out to b such ppl i suddenly dunno like a stranger.
e anxiety , e tension , was all for nothing
n i have been a complete fool doing all sorts of crap n effort .

confused n troubled

its been a tough nite for me. i keep tossing n turning.. i have a lot of questions in my head. my head n my mind is just not functioning in unity.
its making me miserable on e best solution
yet deep down i dun want to give up but yet it is tough
should i prolong, drag on or improve on things
once i make a decision , i must keep in mind on the consequences. e suspense is keeping me so difficult . so troubled to do anyting now.
i must learn to trust him fully if nt i 'll face e same problem again.
if i decide to accept such a person, the long term effects r bound to b present.
n when tings still doesnt work out then, i will be worse off.
should i decide to take a chance , then i should go for it...

a lump in the throat

last nite was a chilly evening having a family dinner out. after several months it occured to me that i might a complete fool after all. y is there a difference before going together n after being together.y is there is a modification of behavior?
do i mean so insignificant at times.
i m petty in a way. i m normal, i just want someone to truly care. i always find that there is a distance. n i cant catch up with him.
frm his slack style , just gives me the impression he cant be bothered n he takes me for granted
sometimes he can b boring, but i dun really mind.i dun want just to waste my time with young punks.but then
wat if he is also dating another gal ..,, its a wild imagination...
n after having the talk. its worse than a lump in the throat..
i tot u understand...
such is the underlying meaning beneath those words.. wat can i comment...
be more understanding .. grow up...
nothing more can daunt such a person like him. after many yrs in the work force in the civil sector.
being immuned to work..going with the flow n expect e unexpected..
just enjoy the moment for now.. wats going to happen will eventually does one day.. cant really immerse myself in a degree of imagination n anticipation.
its e time to enjoy after a yr .

e best solution is nt to tink too much,

its better to accept a flaw then to stressing e change.it puts a strain subconsciously n drives me in this depressive syndronme which puts me off unknowingly whic h only my close pal can sense it although i say nothing at all.
love can make ppl stupid.. i m starting to belive it.
do stupid things n cant tink wisely.
its nt a easy time. for us . i can already c tat its going to b tough yr ahead with a lot of hurdles to cross one by one..understanding a person's character takes time . e inital projected perception can prove so wrong, takes time to accept a certain different trait frm urself.. given tat we came frm diverse background, education, beliefs n values we each hold.

one yr olderr nonetheless wiser

its been a great gathering with the defunct 1996-1999 4E2 bunch of classmates. with new members added, a lot of laughter, shared memories as we were playing like bunch of kids back in class,some of us has become different roles , mothers , parents.. each chosing our chosen path in our life. A fren of mine was just chatting , after another 10yrs will she be the remaining lot whos unmarried, so called no career advancements. no "achievements" like a sore loser..
a lot depends on individual decision. some might b ready.. or nt . accidentally delibrately change their own style of life stage , some for instance people like me r just nt "ready" for greater responsibilities , it hasnt cross my mind to take a step slower to take care of other people.. to settle down in my career .. n be a humble "woman" in my "own family"
i was advising my fren coz some things happen for some reason, like one of the incident she holds bitterly , that during one of the gathering , she brought her so called" current bf at the time" n tis mutual fren of hers subsequently got a little "close" with her beau at that time, veri open minded gal.. sort of flirting n has a history of bf snatching.tis fren of mine had a phobia of introducing her next bf to subsequent gatherings.if hes nt the rite one, perhaps marriage or advancing further would never be the top of lists.there are different phases in relationships from being 2 diffeent individuals of background, getting to know someone different n beliefs to accepting n gradually planning to live together n sustain the "flame" i supose this is making everyone so cluelesss but yet yearning of the closeness between each other.I also dunnno if this is healthy but i have gradually accepted that hes the cool man, take things slow n easy, i m nt dying to b married off yet, hes not someone who takes things in action but the ones who keep their passion within themselves.introverted type of supressive reflexes.the one close to me hasnt expressed any explicit wishes or even a call. i dunno whether hes playing dumb , hes tired..he simply cant b bothered or theres some hidden surprises installed for me.. i m nt tat petty but sometings tells me a cue. pehaps m i just an ornament or just being together.simply together n nothing more.
maybe hes been working veri hard, veri lazy chap , veri unromantic man. as for the good points, intelletual , open minded, humble ,easygoing ,fillal, cool. in short husband material but nt veri lover orientated.
i give in , i try to b as unaffected , to behave less of a petty woman,to b more open minded, magnanimous .
its weird.. nt a norm .y doesnt he showers me some attention, affection that i m cherished, deeply loved n wanted. to justify hey.. i do have someone.. but i feel tat tis doesnt happen.
its like having to accept something new.. prefering milk to coffee,, u hate drinking milk but its good for health. gradually u seem to forgot coffee does have some adverse effects , n u decide to adopt milk as a fav drink after a period of adjustment n u forgot tat coffee was once ur addiction. i was expecting but didnt received it. a little disappointment
letdown
tis is someone i chosed..
i hope some things might change..
or improve. for the better

weekend 091206 1113 & 10126 1708

someone has just told me how mercenary i have changed or even calculative.. towards some aspects. well we are living in the world of capitalism & everyting revolves of cost , time & efficiency
i m seeing thingsnow in blury state of mind coz my useless contact lens just broke into pieces n every account i access i let myself stick to the computer screen for fear of quoting the wrong account number..
10126 1708
last nite i received a call frm an old fren whose family was in a state of chaotic repressive mode. his dad was warden in the ICU by a sudden heart stricken ailment.as the eldest son of the family , this escalates his responsibility , definitely not an easy period to tide over. However my level of compassionateness to listen to his crappy style was limited & i was exhausted after sat's work event & date.
hes an hopeless little boy whos adopts the wimpy style to tackle tat sort of gal . bah.. passes my comments
was so playful with JL, becomes addictive with him , being with him,teasing him . i hope the upcoming getaway would b a successful one with my close pals having a little chill in together.the gals out plan seems a little modified after the addition of 2 male particpants .
it feels great being at ease with e ppl u trust n comfortable with.
this year has been fun filled with many new learning experiences in the front line . having known JL was the next best activity in the list having someone by my side to share my rough patches along the path. of couse not forgeting , 2006 also marks the 10th anniversary among my old frens.I owe them a tribute for the continous support they've given me throughout these 10 yrs.

its on wed..

OMG... tis is a festive month.. all getting excited coz boss is nt ard all the time to watch over us.. sales in fact has also been rather consistent among the consultants..
its 2pm in the day.. n i only c a lady among the queue zone.. tat brings to y i m blogging at this hour...
in fact i have a paper due this evening to take but i m just nt in the mood to attend the mock exam .. hahahahhahah
its another 10 odd days before my birthday. haiz nt another year older .. i was still pondering last yr whether i will b old n shrivelled on my 30th birthday m still left on the shelf..
thank god i found him.
to calculate it will b another 7 more yrs before i hit e big 3....
time never waits for no one..
my new motto since i embark on the banking industry
alwats thriving n striving the better if not the best ..
my bloody tooth... got to fix tat next fri
now back home comfortably in front of my set listening to hana kimi's sound track the world is quieter n calmer compared to day time .. with the background of crispy dollar notes spinning in the background..
3 precious weeks to enjoy..
then 2007
then got to clear bridging econs before final exam
a veri challenging n busy start of e year until mid yr . then e start of final yr in uni hopefully clear all 4 units
another holiday plan after holidays, looking forward , extra incentive to save up n stock up on cash

casually leisure sunday

031206 1800hrs
while chatting on the phone with lesbian buddy.. take a break before attempting past yr mock exam papers. this is a good time to practise some essay writing...
the weekend has been a academic retreat preparing the oncoming mock exam for yr 2006, another 3 weeks would b the end of the yr 2006 n the welcoming of 2007 & to march in age of 24 which happens to b my chinese astrological sign.. the boar the cute pig..hahaha
my most fearful unit happens to be financial accounting coz its bloody full of rules n format to adhere to. n i m naturally the careless type so this happens to b my personal killer subject .tonite will definitely b a long one with 2 exam units rite at the corner.. sleeping early n catchingon beauty sleep is out of question here..
my brain's rather stuffed full of ducks n waiing to unload all junk info on mon evening.
another 3 more days before winter break...
waiting....
bdae
celebration
PARTY!!
xmas