to summarize
attended D & D
after a long day work
received GBB award during office hours
had fun with my colleagues
chill out .. part 2@ clarke quay
with jong n Jon..
diff nationalities .. communication is a slight problem but still can make it
while waiting for my hair to dry.. started to write a little
tml will be another long day as well.
meeting inthe morning
last day of the month..peak operation
rush to sch after i KO
kinda insane lifestyle
nt too many of such nites.. will easily becomewithered n depressed..
better crawl back to bed liao..
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
291006 1010
i haven been supressing a lot of my negative emotions.. by motivating myself tat its a small issue. because i dun want to stir tings up n cause too much implications between 2 individuals. until last nite i began to see tings from his perspective n i really wonder why we got together depsite being so different.
i forsee a lot of more difficult days ahead. theres much ambiguity on whether we can last to the test of time. however i have been oso reminding myself that this shouldnt affect my grades. a cooling off period would be good to acess whether i need this person. a lot of tings can change n besides i have my doubts , nt due to mistrust but its different wave lengths some times
wOmen noRmaLly forgEt hOw mUch thRy're wOrtH.. tis is a nick frm a fren. towards men they love. they r usually more lenient n forgiving. maybe i should stop behaving like some love sick idiot n pick myself up that i can fend on my own. n b so damn determined n less soft hearted to wicked men n men who try to smoke their way with me n make me lose my ability to reason.
to b fair , after hearing him out , perhaps its time to take some steps back n slower the pace between us. time to re-evaluate if i can accept a passive but promising person. hes defintely nt the bf material , however he makes a ideal life partner coz of his qualities . some rare type of traits i seldom c in ppl his age. hes intelligent but hes the act blur type, quiet achiever but ambitious.
veri cautious , sensitive but seldom shows his true emotions.determined to achieve his goals.....so much abt tat......2 be updated.
i forsee a lot of more difficult days ahead. theres much ambiguity on whether we can last to the test of time. however i have been oso reminding myself that this shouldnt affect my grades. a cooling off period would be good to acess whether i need this person. a lot of tings can change n besides i have my doubts , nt due to mistrust but its different wave lengths some times
wOmen noRmaLly forgEt hOw mUch thRy're wOrtH.. tis is a nick frm a fren. towards men they love. they r usually more lenient n forgiving. maybe i should stop behaving like some love sick idiot n pick myself up that i can fend on my own. n b so damn determined n less soft hearted to wicked men n men who try to smoke their way with me n make me lose my ability to reason.
to b fair , after hearing him out , perhaps its time to take some steps back n slower the pace between us. time to re-evaluate if i can accept a passive but promising person. hes defintely nt the bf material , however he makes a ideal life partner coz of his qualities . some rare type of traits i seldom c in ppl his age. hes intelligent but hes the act blur type, quiet achiever but ambitious.
veri cautious , sensitive but seldom shows his true emotions.determined to achieve his goals.....so much abt tat......2 be updated.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
letting go of emotional baggages
after thinking thru a few nites i came to a conclusion. perhaps hes nt a lover material after all
instead of waiting , there are much more things i can do
option 1 is to accept for who he is
optioin 2 is the call it quits n break it off
option 3 is to fish for other men while maintaining the relationship half hoping he might change
option 4 is the nt commonly used method is to known as mutiple dating.. which is rather hurting to the another party
some consider it a " backup" plan just in case if plan A fails , we still have plan B, C, Nth
i will never take the initative ever.
feels cheap
demoralising
if hes nt the issue, perhaps i m the one whos nt attractive. good enough
by far, i have considered a few interviews frm my peers n the results i gather so far is that how can someone literally dump u in one corner. no time for anyting...
like some ragged doll
after some time . u convince urself that its just the way it is n its nt going to improve
have i been nt understanding towards him ?
i believed i have practised my utmost patience , for being taken for granted n if this is to be continuing this way. i dunno how to motivate myself to continue in this manner . is there any meaning or value-add in comparison to being by my own
i rather take his intepretation that even with or without someone by his side is secondary.
veri xian ..... what is being expected of him is so bloody minimum.. however out of 100% , i receive like 0.01. this is detrimental between us. yet there is no intiative or any solutions.
he rarely shares n i seldom ask too much
there is a lot of unspoken communication going on..
i m disappointed. shattered by someone. probabby he doesnt even cares.. so b it... shouldnt take long to discover if that other person is someone u wanna spend e rest of ur life with.
i just hang on n if i m still unhappy with someone , then just settle my immiseration then
instead of waiting , there are much more things i can do
option 1 is to accept for who he is
optioin 2 is the call it quits n break it off
option 3 is to fish for other men while maintaining the relationship half hoping he might change
option 4 is the nt commonly used method is to known as mutiple dating.. which is rather hurting to the another party
some consider it a " backup" plan just in case if plan A fails , we still have plan B, C, Nth
i will never take the initative ever.
feels cheap
demoralising
if hes nt the issue, perhaps i m the one whos nt attractive. good enough
by far, i have considered a few interviews frm my peers n the results i gather so far is that how can someone literally dump u in one corner. no time for anyting...
like some ragged doll
after some time . u convince urself that its just the way it is n its nt going to improve
have i been nt understanding towards him ?
i believed i have practised my utmost patience , for being taken for granted n if this is to be continuing this way. i dunno how to motivate myself to continue in this manner . is there any meaning or value-add in comparison to being by my own
i rather take his intepretation that even with or without someone by his side is secondary.
veri xian ..... what is being expected of him is so bloody minimum.. however out of 100% , i receive like 0.01. this is detrimental between us. yet there is no intiative or any solutions.
he rarely shares n i seldom ask too much
there is a lot of unspoken communication going on..
i m disappointed. shattered by someone. probabby he doesnt even cares.. so b it... shouldnt take long to discover if that other person is someone u wanna spend e rest of ur life with.
i just hang on n if i m still unhappy with someone , then just settle my immiseration then
Friday, October 27, 2006
a visit by TK
visit by tow kay.. veri unnatural feeling that suddenly e morale is suddenly surged to a pt..
being lowered as to e same type of uniformity.
well... so much of being neglected ....
maybe i m with r wrong guy again.. how depressing..
being lowered as to e same type of uniformity.
well... so much of being neglected ....
maybe i m with r wrong guy again.. how depressing..
Thursday, October 26, 2006
pondering....
had a nice chill out with my pals... over dinner n coffee..
there r probbabbly a dozen questions i 've thinking
does e problem lies with me, or m i just being too insecure of myself or him .
r we suited , is tat e kind of man i m seeking? some long term partner ideally
do i pose as a nuisance sometimes , attention seeking ? no i m not,, just sharing some recent updates instead of living each day on our own separate lives .. separately like as though we were not attached in the first place.. emotionally detached should b the term.. i m talking to air.. smsing to invisible.. there r no comments. no response. i should save all my comments to myself ?
strangely i m nt upset this time but rather i m considering is this e kind of attitude i should be receiving from someone i know or perhaps i shouldnt b even reacting or self responding?
i m e lame one here.. or i shouldnt be doing such tings?
perhaps there r a milion things i dun understand abt him n the only link i can group here is academics.. n besides that , character similarities is probabbly another factor that we can click, however the lack of communication does pose as a hindrance.
clearly there is some common ground that there is a need to focus on personal goals.. that should b the way but somehow it feels strange. y is it like this. its so alienated , its like e only term in my head, is there someting wrong but i cant pin point whats e error.
besides it should be lovey dovey , but its nt.
m i a leech, m i demanding. m i childish. m i on the wrong track. m i happy. should i b happy with such an outcome like that .
r we supposed to b together ?
is tat a wrong time to get involved?
is that a reason for that sort of behavior, is there any solution for such a problem.
how can i improve on such a situation, is there a better way out there ?
should i just relax n let tings go on it own course.
can i leave tings as it is now n expect it to roll on its own
is there a mis match between 2 unique individuals that cause certain irreconcilable differences , opinions , values , understanding, unintended consequences , the questions linger in my head , & i decided not to pursue further because this is nt veri healthy. it cause unnecessary strain in the process. n having heard of the little domestic episodes , there was a consensus , there will alwaysbe conflict.. its inevitable n there r certain measures to contain it. n a lot depends on the individual whether it can be resolved , 2 sides of a issue on the controversy. it can make or break an individual .
e maturity of this person accounts for the own actions n the impact on the people around this "self"..based by the terms of morals , intelligence . attitudes n behavior... i read abt this smart person at the papers ,, using his gifted intellectual intelligence to commit crimes, fraud. using it inappropriately which in turns results in deviancy n "punishment " towards such unaccepted mistake. tis tarnish his "record" which could b veri well promising. e wrong path n its the end.
hes a tough case to crack.
i should mind my own business afterall
its not worth e effort anyway. or issit false consciousness , that i m blinded to some imperfections. or maybe there s no explanation at all.
i done all i could.
e rest is ...........................................................
2351hrs 261006
there r probbabbly a dozen questions i 've thinking
does e problem lies with me, or m i just being too insecure of myself or him .
r we suited , is tat e kind of man i m seeking? some long term partner ideally
do i pose as a nuisance sometimes , attention seeking ? no i m not,, just sharing some recent updates instead of living each day on our own separate lives .. separately like as though we were not attached in the first place.. emotionally detached should b the term.. i m talking to air.. smsing to invisible.. there r no comments. no response. i should save all my comments to myself ?
strangely i m nt upset this time but rather i m considering is this e kind of attitude i should be receiving from someone i know or perhaps i shouldnt b even reacting or self responding?
i m e lame one here.. or i shouldnt be doing such tings?
perhaps there r a milion things i dun understand abt him n the only link i can group here is academics.. n besides that , character similarities is probabbly another factor that we can click, however the lack of communication does pose as a hindrance.
clearly there is some common ground that there is a need to focus on personal goals.. that should b the way but somehow it feels strange. y is it like this. its so alienated , its like e only term in my head, is there someting wrong but i cant pin point whats e error.
besides it should be lovey dovey , but its nt.
m i a leech, m i demanding. m i childish. m i on the wrong track. m i happy. should i b happy with such an outcome like that .
r we supposed to b together ?
is tat a wrong time to get involved?
is that a reason for that sort of behavior, is there any solution for such a problem.
how can i improve on such a situation, is there a better way out there ?
should i just relax n let tings go on it own course.
can i leave tings as it is now n expect it to roll on its own
is there a mis match between 2 unique individuals that cause certain irreconcilable differences , opinions , values , understanding, unintended consequences , the questions linger in my head , & i decided not to pursue further because this is nt veri healthy. it cause unnecessary strain in the process. n having heard of the little domestic episodes , there was a consensus , there will alwaysbe conflict.. its inevitable n there r certain measures to contain it. n a lot depends on the individual whether it can be resolved , 2 sides of a issue on the controversy. it can make or break an individual .
e maturity of this person accounts for the own actions n the impact on the people around this "self"..based by the terms of morals , intelligence . attitudes n behavior... i read abt this smart person at the papers ,, using his gifted intellectual intelligence to commit crimes, fraud. using it inappropriately which in turns results in deviancy n "punishment " towards such unaccepted mistake. tis tarnish his "record" which could b veri well promising. e wrong path n its the end.
hes a tough case to crack.
i should mind my own business afterall
its not worth e effort anyway. or issit false consciousness , that i m blinded to some imperfections. or maybe there s no explanation at all.
i done all i could.
e rest is ...........................................................
2351hrs 261006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
gloomy evening.. 1829 251006
just trim my hair.. had a gd dinner aka ipoh hor fun @ orchid's
my hair looks good hehehe
waiting for a ex colleague to KO aat the mean time
weather outside is really cooling... ^_^
my hair looks good hehehe
waiting for a ex colleague to KO aat the mean time
weather outside is really cooling... ^_^
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
PH hari raya 1128hrs 241006
waking up fresh in the morning.. best.. especially on a PH
n today is the anniversay of me being a driver.. after today i can no longer display tat P plate again.. hahaha
tis will b a short entry shortly i will resume my readings.. on phenemology n ethnography. epistemology n otocology.. so much abt tat.. it can make someone go mad... wild reading too much of those stuff so much abt y peoply go mad, homosexuality, how to do reseaarch on tat. valididate on those findings n staff welfare.. HRm.. marketing...
another 2 more yrs i m as free as a bird.. worrying abt other tings like career n marriage , n tats wat i m working towards ultimately set up a family of my own. someting which i was deprived frm since young. i cant learn how to b a parent first until i become 1.. but i will read up lotsa to fulfil beiong a child's fren.. hahaha
how i envy those mates of mine sustaining those relationship of theirs... 7 yrs n still going strong.. was browsing thru their pics ..
my Nth bf.... haizzzzz...... OK! shall try my best to b happy in this relationship even it doesnt work out in the end..there is jsut nt much time for regrets if i have already made my choice.. just had to brave strongly ahead n take steps to improvise on it..
241006 2231
just came frm another family dinner @ sk.. was discussing some domestic issues..
watching ting's wedding video clip,my stupid bro turn ard n ask me.?
ah ling ah , wheres ur turn ? but the first ting u got to do is to go for a crash diet first.
dunno who is the poor guy out there ...hahaha..
the little gal in the family... hasnt really grow up nt phsyically but in a mental state of self. i dun tink i m ready yet to be detached frm the cosy background..
perhaps i dun need to b showered with a lot repsonsibilities.. i like my present moment.. can do last min travelling.. just take leave n pack my bag n off i go with my frens..
kinda carefree.. sleep thru morning.. wait 2 b served.. always desserts.. ready cut fruits arranged nicely after dinner.. jan n may will just settle tings in the kitchen
after having a family , the usual indulgences cannot be fulfiled as easily as when u were a little gal,, got to b more accomodating n patient towards a new extended family.
n today is the anniversay of me being a driver.. after today i can no longer display tat P plate again.. hahaha
tis will b a short entry shortly i will resume my readings.. on phenemology n ethnography. epistemology n otocology.. so much abt tat.. it can make someone go mad... wild reading too much of those stuff so much abt y peoply go mad, homosexuality, how to do reseaarch on tat. valididate on those findings n staff welfare.. HRm.. marketing...
another 2 more yrs i m as free as a bird.. worrying abt other tings like career n marriage , n tats wat i m working towards ultimately set up a family of my own. someting which i was deprived frm since young. i cant learn how to b a parent first until i become 1.. but i will read up lotsa to fulfil beiong a child's fren.. hahaha
how i envy those mates of mine sustaining those relationship of theirs... 7 yrs n still going strong.. was browsing thru their pics ..
my Nth bf.... haizzzzz...... OK! shall try my best to b happy in this relationship even it doesnt work out in the end..there is jsut nt much time for regrets if i have already made my choice.. just had to brave strongly ahead n take steps to improvise on it..
241006 2231
just came frm another family dinner @ sk.. was discussing some domestic issues..
watching ting's wedding video clip,my stupid bro turn ard n ask me.?
ah ling ah , wheres ur turn ? but the first ting u got to do is to go for a crash diet first.
dunno who is the poor guy out there ...hahaha..
the little gal in the family... hasnt really grow up nt phsyically but in a mental state of self. i dun tink i m ready yet to be detached frm the cosy background..
perhaps i dun need to b showered with a lot repsonsibilities.. i like my present moment.. can do last min travelling.. just take leave n pack my bag n off i go with my frens..
kinda carefree.. sleep thru morning.. wait 2 b served.. always desserts.. ready cut fruits arranged nicely after dinner.. jan n may will just settle tings in the kitchen
after having a family , the usual indulgences cannot be fulfiled as easily as when u were a little gal,, got to b more accomodating n patient towards a new extended family.
Monday, October 23, 2006
=_=
its a mon.. while trying to wait for a china customer to put down his cell phone.. i m trying my best nt to leave my seat n go toilet... haizz hes been on the phone for almost 15min..
buay tahan man.....
he stinks n he speaks in such a foul manner.. foreman.. no choice,,
HELP HELP!! my bladder 's gonna burst soon...
it must b due to tat extra big pack of chow mien.. n milk tea...
another long day before PH is approaching , damn man i m so tempted to skip class for this evening.. mon nite n a holiday eve...
SHIT !! tis bloody china man hasnt settle his work matters.. i can feel shit coming my way... but i cant show it openly.. so repressive towards a stomache..
now almost 30 mins.... haizzz
i m sitting cross legged as i can now..
finally.... a heave of relief....
buay tahan man.....
he stinks n he speaks in such a foul manner.. foreman.. no choice,,
HELP HELP!! my bladder 's gonna burst soon...
it must b due to tat extra big pack of chow mien.. n milk tea...
another long day before PH is approaching , damn man i m so tempted to skip class for this evening.. mon nite n a holiday eve...
SHIT !! tis bloody china man hasnt settle his work matters.. i can feel shit coming my way... but i cant show it openly.. so repressive towards a stomache..
now almost 30 mins.... haizzz
i m sitting cross legged as i can now..
finally.... a heave of relief....
Sunday, October 22, 2006
SUPER SUNDAY
1106 221006 hazy
白色的风筝
安静的纯真
真实的感觉
梦境般遥远
甜甜的海水
复杂的眼泪
看你傻笑着握住
我的手梦希望没有尽头我们走到这就好因为我不想太快
走完这幸福很可惜没有祝福但爱你并不孤独不会再让你哭
我陪你走到最后
能不能不要回头
你紧紧地抱住我说你不需要承诺
你说我若一个人会比较自由
我不懂你说什么反正不会松手
我陪你走到最后能不能别想太多
会不会手牵着手晚一点再到尽头
你说不该再相见只为了瞬间
谢谢你让我听见因为我在等待永远
白色的风筝安静的
纯真真实的感觉
梦境般遥远甜甜的海水复杂的眼泪看你傻笑着握住我的手很可惜没有祝福但爱你并不孤独不会再让你哭我陪你走到最后能不能不要回头你紧紧地抱住我说你不需要承诺你说我若一个人会比较自由我不懂你说什么反正不会松手我陪你走到最后能不能别想太多会不会手牵着手晚一点再到尽头你说不该再相见只为了瞬间谢谢你让我听见因为我在等待永远谢谢你让我听见因为我在等待永远...............
while listening to his hit.. its another reflective mode once again using hunter's com..
List of things done over deepavali
had a nice rest.. which indicates not sleeping beyond 12 n waking up early in the morning ard 6-7.30am
good chill out session with e gals
wonderful hospitablity with xinyi's family, good food. aircon at e living rm while singing KTV
family bonding time with ah pa n bro 3, jan.. as well as baby xavier..
ok soon to be done.. go over mo's lecture slides n read text book.
its really healthy.. to sleep early n wake up early i had breakfast ard 9 .. but e rooster aka xavier is a live alram clock started brawling ard 0630 hrs.. OMG... i woke up first at 0555 to pee... seldom wake up so early just to eat.. n drive to eat katong laksa .. e branded 328 opp roxy square.. nwow .. the lady boss really blow me off.. red hot chilly hair n body.. voluptous n cuvy for a lady her age. n her laska is incredible in the end had to park 5374 at petrol station to drop bomb.. as they mention e family blood runs in deep.. both my bro n i .. hahahaha
i begin to realize e life of homemakers n all the mothers.. conscientously waking up early to do mrketig n the preparatioon proces is just to tedious to mention.. although i m a disaster in the kitchen .. i still find zann's mother busy preparing food n more food just for us.. n for the family
n oso in the middle of e nite.. i c bro3 preparing mik for prince xavier.. how parenthood is.. call it miserable or rewarding . works both ways
i couldnt really focus on the road as well.. eyes half closed hahahahaah.. enjoy my remaining years before i become a full time working mother.. another role in my stage of life after career development. i hope he can wait till then..
he was asking me one nite.. if there would b a chance when we shop together for grocery n furniture .. i hope i can c tat happen in the near future.. Looking forward to tat day . theres tis saying..every gal hopes tat she will be the last one fo him n for the guy the first for his case.
every phase is different , bring different challenges to meet .
be it in career , family or relationship with ur significant other .
a lot to learn from the seniors on how they manage their lovely home
long way way way to go... baby its YOU.. YES its you...! time to revise.... for sun,, SUPER SUNDAY!
(=^_^=)
221006 1615
just driving 5374 back home , we had a family episode between the man n wife.. e $ issue of overdraft n unwise financial planning ..e habit of overdraft n the conflict.. e wife is in distress n leads to a soap opera.. tears... during the car ride . i had no choice but to keep my mouth shut n my eyes on the road.. no comments when 2 ppl r in an argument...
a woman's greatest tool towards men is their tears.. indeed one of my client shared this theory to me ... men r afraid of water.. yes its women's tears , it does melt their hearts n soften their antagonism between 2 individuals.
i hope i wont have to use it on anyone. i hate being vulnerable towards anyone. tis just puts me in an unfavourable position. to b happily married with ur significant half is the best ting that can happen for any gal , however when this little gal is detached from her family tree.. then she got to stand on her own n solve issues together with her new family
its true tat $ is the root of all evil if used unwisely for the wrong purposes as it can make or break a person, family. during my stay in the banking industry, there are just too manyexamples to cite from the misuse of personal funds.
its quite scary to tink tat someone dear to u is nt behaving normally n sinks to abyss of debts n more debts or negative savings. i spent almost all my time advising ppl on e methods of wealth accumulation n ironically i belong the group of ppl who also find myself in cashflow problems sometimes tempted to get a relief on cash advance n credit lines.. ehehehe
but if the mismanagment can lead to a snow ball effect altogether n chain effect n tis strains the relationship between the spouse , n ppl related . one of such example is my pal who is always in dire straits but refuse to improve her lifestyle n continues to indulge in certain lifestyles she sticks adherely to it.. who knows when she will "grow ou " of her habit n grow up
白色的风筝
安静的纯真
真实的感觉
梦境般遥远
甜甜的海水
复杂的眼泪
看你傻笑着握住
我的手梦希望没有尽头我们走到这就好因为我不想太快
走完这幸福很可惜没有祝福但爱你并不孤独不会再让你哭
我陪你走到最后
能不能不要回头
你紧紧地抱住我说你不需要承诺
你说我若一个人会比较自由
我不懂你说什么反正不会松手
我陪你走到最后能不能别想太多
会不会手牵着手晚一点再到尽头
你说不该再相见只为了瞬间
谢谢你让我听见因为我在等待永远
白色的风筝安静的
纯真真实的感觉
梦境般遥远甜甜的海水复杂的眼泪看你傻笑着握住我的手很可惜没有祝福但爱你并不孤独不会再让你哭我陪你走到最后能不能不要回头你紧紧地抱住我说你不需要承诺你说我若一个人会比较自由我不懂你说什么反正不会松手我陪你走到最后能不能别想太多会不会手牵着手晚一点再到尽头你说不该再相见只为了瞬间谢谢你让我听见因为我在等待永远谢谢你让我听见因为我在等待永远...............
while listening to his hit.. its another reflective mode once again using hunter's com..
List of things done over deepavali
had a nice rest.. which indicates not sleeping beyond 12 n waking up early in the morning ard 6-7.30am
good chill out session with e gals
wonderful hospitablity with xinyi's family, good food. aircon at e living rm while singing KTV
family bonding time with ah pa n bro 3, jan.. as well as baby xavier..
ok soon to be done.. go over mo's lecture slides n read text book.
its really healthy.. to sleep early n wake up early i had breakfast ard 9 .. but e rooster aka xavier is a live alram clock started brawling ard 0630 hrs.. OMG... i woke up first at 0555 to pee... seldom wake up so early just to eat.. n drive to eat katong laksa .. e branded 328 opp roxy square.. nwow .. the lady boss really blow me off.. red hot chilly hair n body.. voluptous n cuvy for a lady her age. n her laska is incredible in the end had to park 5374 at petrol station to drop bomb.. as they mention e family blood runs in deep.. both my bro n i .. hahahaha
i begin to realize e life of homemakers n all the mothers.. conscientously waking up early to do mrketig n the preparatioon proces is just to tedious to mention.. although i m a disaster in the kitchen .. i still find zann's mother busy preparing food n more food just for us.. n for the family
n oso in the middle of e nite.. i c bro3 preparing mik for prince xavier.. how parenthood is.. call it miserable or rewarding . works both ways
i couldnt really focus on the road as well.. eyes half closed hahahahaah.. enjoy my remaining years before i become a full time working mother.. another role in my stage of life after career development. i hope he can wait till then..
he was asking me one nite.. if there would b a chance when we shop together for grocery n furniture .. i hope i can c tat happen in the near future.. Looking forward to tat day . theres tis saying..every gal hopes tat she will be the last one fo him n for the guy the first for his case.
every phase is different , bring different challenges to meet .
be it in career , family or relationship with ur significant other .
a lot to learn from the seniors on how they manage their lovely home
long way way way to go... baby its YOU.. YES its you...! time to revise.... for sun,, SUPER SUNDAY!
(=^_^=)
221006 1615
just driving 5374 back home , we had a family episode between the man n wife.. e $ issue of overdraft n unwise financial planning ..e habit of overdraft n the conflict.. e wife is in distress n leads to a soap opera.. tears... during the car ride . i had no choice but to keep my mouth shut n my eyes on the road.. no comments when 2 ppl r in an argument...
a woman's greatest tool towards men is their tears.. indeed one of my client shared this theory to me ... men r afraid of water.. yes its women's tears , it does melt their hearts n soften their antagonism between 2 individuals.
i hope i wont have to use it on anyone. i hate being vulnerable towards anyone. tis just puts me in an unfavourable position. to b happily married with ur significant half is the best ting that can happen for any gal , however when this little gal is detached from her family tree.. then she got to stand on her own n solve issues together with her new family
its true tat $ is the root of all evil if used unwisely for the wrong purposes as it can make or break a person, family. during my stay in the banking industry, there are just too manyexamples to cite from the misuse of personal funds.
its quite scary to tink tat someone dear to u is nt behaving normally n sinks to abyss of debts n more debts or negative savings. i spent almost all my time advising ppl on e methods of wealth accumulation n ironically i belong the group of ppl who also find myself in cashflow problems sometimes tempted to get a relief on cash advance n credit lines.. ehehehe
but if the mismanagment can lead to a snow ball effect altogether n chain effect n tis strains the relationship between the spouse , n ppl related . one of such example is my pal who is always in dire straits but refuse to improve her lifestyle n continues to indulge in certain lifestyles she sticks adherely to it.. who knows when she will "grow ou " of her habit n grow up
Friday, October 20, 2006
never underestimate the power of team effort n women !!!
never underestimate the power of teamwork.. we have combined our efforts to safe guard our base.. n to our surprise! we have a big deal today.... n tat was so comforting to justify our efforts as a team. top br in e east cluster ..HAHA out goes the " shark"
shark has been rather consistent. being top among the cluster.. shes has a reputation for nt selling ethically n to the disadvantaged
we got to prove to the rest without a rosy base n environement we still can sell ethically n b top branch as well with those "so called " lousy leads...
i knocked off early today.. just thinking abt last nite is good enough to make me last till the longweekend.. but e trip back was rather scary.. last train.. among the last to leave e cabin.
i had a most enjoyable evening although i m suffering the side effects ..struggling to get out of bed tis morning ,hugging someone u love is never enough..
it can make u forget about time.
being noti sometimes discreetly helps u to relive stress sometimes.
cozu r nt caught!
but then again he smells nice... hehehehehehehehehh
e capacity of a young lady's imagination is bounderless n limitless.. pretty wild.. hahaha
it helps to occupy my "deprived soul " clear my thoughts..
OMG.... wat m i tinking man!!! i hope he doesnt get to read this...
looking forwaard to the following holidays.. public holidays... ILOVEU !!
i never wanna let go of u ever ... JLSY ^_^
1917hrs 201006
shark has been rather consistent. being top among the cluster.. shes has a reputation for nt selling ethically n to the disadvantaged
we got to prove to the rest without a rosy base n environement we still can sell ethically n b top branch as well with those "so called " lousy leads...
i knocked off early today.. just thinking abt last nite is good enough to make me last till the longweekend.. but e trip back was rather scary.. last train.. among the last to leave e cabin.
i had a most enjoyable evening although i m suffering the side effects ..struggling to get out of bed tis morning ,hugging someone u love is never enough..
it can make u forget about time.
being noti sometimes discreetly helps u to relive stress sometimes.
cozu r nt caught!
but then again he smells nice... hehehehehehehehehh
e capacity of a young lady's imagination is bounderless n limitless.. pretty wild.. hahaha
it helps to occupy my "deprived soul " clear my thoughts..
OMG.... wat m i tinking man!!! i hope he doesnt get to read this...
looking forwaard to the following holidays.. public holidays... ILOVEU !!
i never wanna let go of u ever ... JLSY ^_^
1917hrs 201006
housekeeping... coz some big shot is visiting
recently tbere has been some rumours of restructuring of the organisation , n this indeed brings much distress in the environment..
come later this afternoon i m expecting a overseas guest... who will b inspecting our premises, to give a evaulation to the top management.. i spent the last of the evening trying to collect all the " toys" frm my various colleagues trying to hide some where first in a " box".
there comes the issue of the acting boss n the new boss.. both are in different scope of work n has conflicting issues towards sales n service.. now now we as subordinates are caught between 2 types of management style which in my position is nt good..
come later this afternoon i m expecting a overseas guest... who will b inspecting our premises, to give a evaulation to the top management.. i spent the last of the evening trying to collect all the " toys" frm my various colleagues trying to hide some where first in a " box".
there comes the issue of the acting boss n the new boss.. both are in different scope of work n has conflicting issues towards sales n service.. now now we as subordinates are caught between 2 types of management style which in my position is nt good..
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
y .. y .. y 181006 2322
y is he so mean
y is he so sensitive
y is he so unloving
y m i so agitated
y do i keep rejecting the rest
y m i so forgiving towards him
y do i always give him privilege
y do i put myself in such deep shit with such a man
y m i so infuriated with such nonsense esp at the end of longn tired day
y is it tat i cant get what i want
what is want is really simple...
y cant he get my pt.. F****
ENOUGH!
LXH IS ANOTHER DARN FOOL... FOOLISHLY PREGNANT AT THE WRONG TIME.. FINE ITS NONE OF MY FREAKING BUSINESS AS WELL...
3 months in conceived n we as frens in the dark, r we frens in the 1st place as well..
fine.. fine fine...
who cares!
i gonna have fun.. party!!!
i shall slim down n have alternatives..
actually e heart is a veri fragile organ.. it feels pain.. it does...
disppointment , despair, disheartened, desperate..
n its so disheartening.. i 've placed him above e rest..
how should i continue like this ...
COOL IT BABE>> u got like tons of essay to write ,, n its nt worth over such a man like him..
sometimes i have a urgent impulse to smack him..
ANGRY!ARGGGGHHHHHHH
its ok ! i can deal with it watching it on my own. its nt tat i cant afford it .. PISSED OFF , SICKENING BYATCH !
y is he so sensitive
y is he so unloving
y m i so agitated
y do i keep rejecting the rest
y m i so forgiving towards him
y do i always give him privilege
y do i put myself in such deep shit with such a man
y m i so infuriated with such nonsense esp at the end of longn tired day
y is it tat i cant get what i want
what is want is really simple...
y cant he get my pt.. F****
ENOUGH!
LXH IS ANOTHER DARN FOOL... FOOLISHLY PREGNANT AT THE WRONG TIME.. FINE ITS NONE OF MY FREAKING BUSINESS AS WELL...
3 months in conceived n we as frens in the dark, r we frens in the 1st place as well..
fine.. fine fine...
who cares!
i gonna have fun.. party!!!
i shall slim down n have alternatives..
actually e heart is a veri fragile organ.. it feels pain.. it does...
disppointment , despair, disheartened, desperate..
n its so disheartening.. i 've placed him above e rest..
how should i continue like this ...
COOL IT BABE>> u got like tons of essay to write ,, n its nt worth over such a man like him..
sometimes i have a urgent impulse to smack him..
ANGRY!ARGGGGHHHHHHH
its ok ! i can deal with it watching it on my own. its nt tat i cant afford it .. PISSED OFF , SICKENING BYATCH !
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
awakened n revitalised
life is nt just romance.. its but a cherry on the icing ..
but without it , individuals get stronger & fight fiercely on their own just like the primitive times.
i come to a understanding.. we dun live for the moment n its all about choices n elimination, if this candidate fails to meet e requirements. out he goes.. eliminated just like talent quests..
working in the branch never fails to amaze.. its always dynamic n ever changing fast paced environment facing daily challenges , demanding clients n new ambiguous issues to b solved.
it has improved my personal well being as i face the different facets of background n diverse culturals of different nationalities.
so much of whining,, it doesnt problem solve effectively.. even without a fort. a ship can eventually embark on a journey on its own n anchor eventually on a port or an island or continue to wander on the strange lands.
time to wake up , no more dreaming,, fight for sales n market share.. bid for the best perfomer in the cluster.. get more $$ , retire earlier n get a good man,, someone really superb who cares,, genuinely..
but without it , individuals get stronger & fight fiercely on their own just like the primitive times.
i come to a understanding.. we dun live for the moment n its all about choices n elimination, if this candidate fails to meet e requirements. out he goes.. eliminated just like talent quests..
working in the branch never fails to amaze.. its always dynamic n ever changing fast paced environment facing daily challenges , demanding clients n new ambiguous issues to b solved.
it has improved my personal well being as i face the different facets of background n diverse culturals of different nationalities.
so much of whining,, it doesnt problem solve effectively.. even without a fort. a ship can eventually embark on a journey on its own n anchor eventually on a port or an island or continue to wander on the strange lands.
time to wake up , no more dreaming,, fight for sales n market share.. bid for the best perfomer in the cluster.. get more $$ , retire earlier n get a good man,, someone really superb who cares,, genuinely..
totally bogged up 161006 2351
lesson was as usual... exceptionally boring..
while relaxing .. listening to e classic love songs from class 95 , there was this topic of
" how to get anyone to open up"
start with a connection,, stay with stay topics of where to get good food... where u had dinner last nite..
latest news in the line...
go with e flow
e first kiss should always end in the tingle in the air.. wat a tag line frm one of the audience
with tat ended alicia keyes 's aint i got u..
there r many ways n methods to cheer up
or even motivate urself to b happy..
i tried a few.. n it works
try buying someting u wanted so much n u got it..
having lots of $ probabbly helps.. n spending it.. retail therapy
go for a nice hair cut n trim away all ur worries
getting a nice sweat @ e threadmill...
having a long relaxing swim
being with ur pets
hugging someone u love
getting a substitute when someone u love is n/a,,, ie ur bolster.. ur "precious"
bitching with ur best buddies n gal frens
going on a diet n slimming down to e perfect dress tat u always wanted..
eating a whole tub of icecream while trying ur best nt to get depressive
watching a whole lot of lame shows n sad movies.. contrasting effects helps
coopinh urself in bed thinkingtat u r e most fortunate person on earth
having a nice long cry.. helps to regain back ur sanity..
laugh it out !!
a bit of yoga boosts ur concentration.
this week has been my most trying week.. had double my dosage of kopi.. trying my best to stay fresh during office hours... e haze is just making everyone more difficult.. my eyes r dry.. i blink n blink.. stay indoors more.. eat in a small room everyday.. now e lunch crowd scares me off to a corner.. i feel abnormal lunching in subnormal hours.
my old fren.. ting is getting married today.. i couldnt attend her wedding but i feel really happy for her .. envy her oso for being so simple n contented .. her husband looks great, comes frm a family of lawyers n accountants.. another which is oso getting hitched e second time on 3/11/06...
some tings cannot be changed.. neither can it be improved .. its either to accept it or to reject it.. its a theory which people tend to overlook. there is a saying that love can make a person blind to her/ his weakness.. but dun love blindly..
i 've been doing a lot of self reflecting these few days.. probabbly theres isnt any equality after all..
my heart sinks.. to a pit .. burried n fixed there . it gets stagnent n eventually forgotten .. but who cares .. its just a vicious cycle.. but its nt important.. nothing else matters .
proabbly after a month or so.. i pick myself up again frm where i left.. its nt tat tough.. if i get determined enough ..
oh man ! i get so poetic tonite n e earlier phrase sounds like a poem..OMG
tat could b e result of reading so much content , internalising e knowlege n having to write like some crappy essay to prove tat u know ur nuts..
i been reading stuff like y peoply commit suicide.. who is more prone to killing themselves.. how to do research on such sensitive issues n wats e best method.. n the adv n disadv n collecting such date n to comment on the criticism on certain methods.. all these isdriving me nuts soon..
wats more dry.. hr,,, its another even more dry unit.. o n my left side of my study table lies a stack of texts. abt 10-20cm ht... another corner lies e stack of files n case study to go thru every nite.. i m so sick of flippinh thru.. full of notes n highlighted stuff,, its already 3rd hand at least. i might suffer frm color blindness after 2 yrs reading such crappy tings
my brain.. overworked.. plagues by sales figures by day n cramped by a lot of readings at nite.. its extreme.. i find it torturing..
theres no one in e house to share my woes.. i m used to it oso.. rather peaceful. no disruptions.. i know i should b thankful at least i have e energy to slog on... although the conditions might nt b as rosy as compared in the past no need to struggle every morning n wonder y i only have 24hrs in a day n nt more than tat. y i have lesser hr to sleep compared to e rest..
comparison can never b a good bench mark oso . it just makes u more imbalanced than inital state of the mind.. so many has did it n completed their studies with good results.. n I CAN BE one of e statistic as well.. it will prove tat i m a more efficient student hahaha in a more exhausting manner tats all..hopefully when i re read this entry in yr 2008 aug.. i m already preparing for convocation... i better b.....
another 3 more chapters before i can call it a day... cheers.. sam,............
before =_=
after =^__^=
1254hrs
while relaxing .. listening to e classic love songs from class 95 , there was this topic of
" how to get anyone to open up"
start with a connection,, stay with stay topics of where to get good food... where u had dinner last nite..
latest news in the line...
go with e flow
e first kiss should always end in the tingle in the air.. wat a tag line frm one of the audience
with tat ended alicia keyes 's aint i got u..
there r many ways n methods to cheer up
or even motivate urself to b happy..
i tried a few.. n it works
try buying someting u wanted so much n u got it..
having lots of $ probabbly helps.. n spending it.. retail therapy
go for a nice hair cut n trim away all ur worries
getting a nice sweat @ e threadmill...
having a long relaxing swim
being with ur pets
hugging someone u love
getting a substitute when someone u love is n/a,,, ie ur bolster.. ur "precious"
bitching with ur best buddies n gal frens
going on a diet n slimming down to e perfect dress tat u always wanted..
eating a whole tub of icecream while trying ur best nt to get depressive
watching a whole lot of lame shows n sad movies.. contrasting effects helps
coopinh urself in bed thinkingtat u r e most fortunate person on earth
having a nice long cry.. helps to regain back ur sanity..
laugh it out !!
a bit of yoga boosts ur concentration.
this week has been my most trying week.. had double my dosage of kopi.. trying my best to stay fresh during office hours... e haze is just making everyone more difficult.. my eyes r dry.. i blink n blink.. stay indoors more.. eat in a small room everyday.. now e lunch crowd scares me off to a corner.. i feel abnormal lunching in subnormal hours.
my old fren.. ting is getting married today.. i couldnt attend her wedding but i feel really happy for her .. envy her oso for being so simple n contented .. her husband looks great, comes frm a family of lawyers n accountants.. another which is oso getting hitched e second time on 3/11/06...
some tings cannot be changed.. neither can it be improved .. its either to accept it or to reject it.. its a theory which people tend to overlook. there is a saying that love can make a person blind to her/ his weakness.. but dun love blindly..
i 've been doing a lot of self reflecting these few days.. probabbly theres isnt any equality after all..
my heart sinks.. to a pit .. burried n fixed there . it gets stagnent n eventually forgotten .. but who cares .. its just a vicious cycle.. but its nt important.. nothing else matters .
proabbly after a month or so.. i pick myself up again frm where i left.. its nt tat tough.. if i get determined enough ..
oh man ! i get so poetic tonite n e earlier phrase sounds like a poem..OMG
tat could b e result of reading so much content , internalising e knowlege n having to write like some crappy essay to prove tat u know ur nuts..
i been reading stuff like y peoply commit suicide.. who is more prone to killing themselves.. how to do research on such sensitive issues n wats e best method.. n the adv n disadv n collecting such date n to comment on the criticism on certain methods.. all these isdriving me nuts soon..
wats more dry.. hr,,, its another even more dry unit.. o n my left side of my study table lies a stack of texts. abt 10-20cm ht... another corner lies e stack of files n case study to go thru every nite.. i m so sick of flippinh thru.. full of notes n highlighted stuff,, its already 3rd hand at least. i might suffer frm color blindness after 2 yrs reading such crappy tings
my brain.. overworked.. plagues by sales figures by day n cramped by a lot of readings at nite.. its extreme.. i find it torturing..
theres no one in e house to share my woes.. i m used to it oso.. rather peaceful. no disruptions.. i know i should b thankful at least i have e energy to slog on... although the conditions might nt b as rosy as compared in the past no need to struggle every morning n wonder y i only have 24hrs in a day n nt more than tat. y i have lesser hr to sleep compared to e rest..
comparison can never b a good bench mark oso . it just makes u more imbalanced than inital state of the mind.. so many has did it n completed their studies with good results.. n I CAN BE one of e statistic as well.. it will prove tat i m a more efficient student hahaha in a more exhausting manner tats all..hopefully when i re read this entry in yr 2008 aug.. i m already preparing for convocation... i better b.....
another 3 more chapters before i can call it a day... cheers.. sam,............
before =_=
after =^__^=
1254hrs
Monday, October 16, 2006
still as hazey as it is// 1258 hrs 161006
e UOL building in front of me still looks as hazey as ever
blogging while my colleague is having lunch
crowd seems pretty ok.
seems like e weather is affecting retailing business as well.. n the bank operates like a retail shop sometimes execept tat it deals with financial products
blogging while my colleague is having lunch
crowd seems pretty ok.
seems like e weather is affecting retailing business as well.. n the bank operates like a retail shop sometimes execept tat it deals with financial products
Sunday, October 15, 2006
1010 151006
its been a good gathering with the elders..
u realized tat u r grown up while ur seniors have aged.. e kids who were babies r now running wild in the garden
my sister in law, may has a huge extended family , out or personal obligation had to help her sister fix a place for her wedding.. back then shes only 19 , i know her when i was 15. now shes 27 n getting married in 2 days time..
its a overwhelming effect when e house is packed with people with nice aroma , smell of food n bbq smoke , e ambience is totally warming.
while driving , my bro discussed the stages of relationship n the art of keeping it alive n oso e passion with ur partner.. its like a long path frm knowing to understanding , planning n sustaining.. certainly takes 2 to make all this work.
somehow.. i tink i have done too much.. it seems tat even without me he can cope pretty well so i should just steer clear .. m i attracting attention.. seriously i dun tink i m... love is never fair .. some party has to give in more or accomodate more.. if tats e case , i rather nt put in tat effort.. an effort tats nt reciprocated .. rather insulting... maybe we r too different... should jsut leave him alone ... since he can cope so well ... y should i bother with another person whos nt interested , it would b a complete waste of my effort n time . i shouldnt stoop myself tat low.. after a while if tat person continues tis way persistently.. sometinf is wrong...its just nt the way to behave like tis.. any other gal would have reacted e same...
fine......
enough is enough.
i give up..
if hes nt worth the effort, trash it...
tell myself i can b a heartless bitch myself who couldnt care less of wats going on except on myself...
tats wat i m going to do..
n i trust myself i definitely can be one
sick of being some transparent element
tired of taking the lead
disappointed with some outcomes
just let it b..
arrange for more work
switch off my handphone sometimes
make myself incontactable
since i m taken so lightly.. it so mad n its just nt polite to ignore or nt return calls.
y should i make myself so conveniently located
KNN.. its so bloodly unfair..
i keep quiet. i m tying to c how he behaves .. but i m disappointed sometimes... i dun mention it. tat doesnt mean i m fine..
taken for granted.... everyting changes
do i look like someone who will be easily manipulated.. no way... !!!
since he has stired up the fire n made me so mad ...
lets play e waiting game man...
u realized tat u r grown up while ur seniors have aged.. e kids who were babies r now running wild in the garden
my sister in law, may has a huge extended family , out or personal obligation had to help her sister fix a place for her wedding.. back then shes only 19 , i know her when i was 15. now shes 27 n getting married in 2 days time..
its a overwhelming effect when e house is packed with people with nice aroma , smell of food n bbq smoke , e ambience is totally warming.
while driving , my bro discussed the stages of relationship n the art of keeping it alive n oso e passion with ur partner.. its like a long path frm knowing to understanding , planning n sustaining.. certainly takes 2 to make all this work.
somehow.. i tink i have done too much.. it seems tat even without me he can cope pretty well so i should just steer clear .. m i attracting attention.. seriously i dun tink i m... love is never fair .. some party has to give in more or accomodate more.. if tats e case , i rather nt put in tat effort.. an effort tats nt reciprocated .. rather insulting... maybe we r too different... should jsut leave him alone ... since he can cope so well ... y should i bother with another person whos nt interested , it would b a complete waste of my effort n time . i shouldnt stoop myself tat low.. after a while if tat person continues tis way persistently.. sometinf is wrong...its just nt the way to behave like tis.. any other gal would have reacted e same...
fine......
enough is enough.
i give up..
if hes nt worth the effort, trash it...
tell myself i can b a heartless bitch myself who couldnt care less of wats going on except on myself...
tats wat i m going to do..
n i trust myself i definitely can be one
sick of being some transparent element
tired of taking the lead
disappointed with some outcomes
just let it b..
arrange for more work
switch off my handphone sometimes
make myself incontactable
since i m taken so lightly.. it so mad n its just nt polite to ignore or nt return calls.
y should i make myself so conveniently located
KNN.. its so bloodly unfair..
i keep quiet. i m tying to c how he behaves .. but i m disappointed sometimes... i dun mention it. tat doesnt mean i m fine..
taken for granted.... everyting changes
do i look like someone who will be easily manipulated.. no way... !!!
since he has stired up the fire n made me so mad ...
lets play e waiting game man...
E beautiful tings u hold tightly with u
http://health.msn.com/centers/depression/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100100328
1016am 151006
there is just too much to mention namely the beautiful things.
ur lovely parents.. perhaps ur beloved ones or even ur significant half...we dun have to mention names.,. they r deeply engraved in our memories. my mum is someone i dun want to forget..
its been a gd 12 yrs without her, some of e happy memories r still fresh in my head.. even as long as i was 7. Being the only princess of the house, ur mum is just one extraordinary person who would spend time dolling u up. whipping nice dishes in the kitchen which in my case.. it was opposite.
mum was always on the move.. i would remember her flipping thru her appointment book. rushing to appointments n reminding me to be independent & to behave while i take care of myself in the house by myself.she was always so full of energy ,so bubbly n motivated to b a homemaker n a terrific sales person. i would end up my mum's PA sometimes answering her callls.. so my sales flair begins when i was just a kid..
there were some words i remember her telling me..
be good t o your father if i cant take care of u someday..
b a strong person n stand up on ur own..
always believe in yourself n dun depend on other ppl..
i recall being so clingy to her like a koala bearin bed.. always bugging her to wake up to make desserts n cookies n refusing to give her her shoes to get out of the house for her appointments.hahaha i was such a little gal then..
unti lthen i didnt realize how much effort she put in to pull the family together... but i always end up that my dad didnt understand up & cause much conflicts n tension. proabbly coz she didnt have the concentration, her dishes sometimes turn up funny or even weird to a certain extent.. my bro would just reject those dishes coz it tasted so horrendous.. probabbly u remember 2 extreme tings.. e most wonderful food u taste n e worst. my dad was e worst.. he just dump everyting in the garbarge.. its rubbish to him..
thats when suddenly those food disappear n its replaced by my dad who turns out to b a worse chef than mum.. we end up playing scissors paper stone to decide who gets to finish up the "worse dish" if nt my dad will blow up coz his culinary efforts is not recognised n appreciated.There were times of my dark periods when i had my fights with my dad ended up slaming both our doors n back to our room..periods of missing tis endearing person who would b on ur side.tat i would describe ..it was much regret that she cant c me now... all grown up n we could have gone for a spa or shopping together.. everyting on me.. going on tour with her..there were so many tings i wished i could share with her.. in stead of complaining to her whenever i visit her in mt vernon. it feels incomplete sometimes , some insecurity when u were jsut a kid.. u pin all ur hopes on ur parents to find it all dashed... now back to present.. as age catches our fights diminishes like the economics law of marginal utility/ although there s still some endless nagging frm him. Its been a long way now. viv did mention to me now tat u survive on ur own for those last odd 10 over years.. so when my relationship was on e rocks, she reassurred me everytime will b fine ...
my first breakup when i was 19
e yr 1994
n tat was like e most bitter chapter of my life moments of anguish n hatred n repulsiveness i choose nt to relive it although some flashes of memories just appear ... it doent affects me now . nt anymore..
i woke up today pondering over my conversation with him last nite.. do i really belong to the senseless dumb category whos easily unfluenced.. dee p down i dun tink i m... i tink i m more selective in certain areas ...
i seldom recluse myself. although i will sometimes..
naturally now i would avoid the crowd .. i have spent e last amost 22hrs in my little cubicle at home..
later i got to have a social gathering coz theres a family bbq nite i got to arrange to check in at that bungalow.
until then so much of my endless stories n melancholic entry on a bright sunday morning...
there is a lot to explore. many possibilities.. but it can only be fulfiled n realized if you choose to make it happen.
1016am 151006
there is just too much to mention namely the beautiful things.
ur lovely parents.. perhaps ur beloved ones or even ur significant half...we dun have to mention names.,. they r deeply engraved in our memories. my mum is someone i dun want to forget..
its been a gd 12 yrs without her, some of e happy memories r still fresh in my head.. even as long as i was 7. Being the only princess of the house, ur mum is just one extraordinary person who would spend time dolling u up. whipping nice dishes in the kitchen which in my case.. it was opposite.
mum was always on the move.. i would remember her flipping thru her appointment book. rushing to appointments n reminding me to be independent & to behave while i take care of myself in the house by myself.she was always so full of energy ,so bubbly n motivated to b a homemaker n a terrific sales person. i would end up my mum's PA sometimes answering her callls.. so my sales flair begins when i was just a kid..
there were some words i remember her telling me..
be good t o your father if i cant take care of u someday..
b a strong person n stand up on ur own..
always believe in yourself n dun depend on other ppl..
i recall being so clingy to her like a koala bearin bed.. always bugging her to wake up to make desserts n cookies n refusing to give her her shoes to get out of the house for her appointments.hahaha i was such a little gal then..
unti lthen i didnt realize how much effort she put in to pull the family together... but i always end up that my dad didnt understand up & cause much conflicts n tension. proabbly coz she didnt have the concentration, her dishes sometimes turn up funny or even weird to a certain extent.. my bro would just reject those dishes coz it tasted so horrendous.. probabbly u remember 2 extreme tings.. e most wonderful food u taste n e worst. my dad was e worst.. he just dump everyting in the garbarge.. its rubbish to him..
thats when suddenly those food disappear n its replaced by my dad who turns out to b a worse chef than mum.. we end up playing scissors paper stone to decide who gets to finish up the "worse dish" if nt my dad will blow up coz his culinary efforts is not recognised n appreciated.There were times of my dark periods when i had my fights with my dad ended up slaming both our doors n back to our room..periods of missing tis endearing person who would b on ur side.tat i would describe ..it was much regret that she cant c me now... all grown up n we could have gone for a spa or shopping together.. everyting on me.. going on tour with her..there were so many tings i wished i could share with her.. in stead of complaining to her whenever i visit her in mt vernon. it feels incomplete sometimes , some insecurity when u were jsut a kid.. u pin all ur hopes on ur parents to find it all dashed... now back to present.. as age catches our fights diminishes like the economics law of marginal utility/ although there s still some endless nagging frm him. Its been a long way now. viv did mention to me now tat u survive on ur own for those last odd 10 over years.. so when my relationship was on e rocks, she reassurred me everytime will b fine ...
my first breakup when i was 19
e yr 1994
n tat was like e most bitter chapter of my life moments of anguish n hatred n repulsiveness i choose nt to relive it although some flashes of memories just appear ... it doent affects me now . nt anymore..
i woke up today pondering over my conversation with him last nite.. do i really belong to the senseless dumb category whos easily unfluenced.. dee p down i dun tink i m... i tink i m more selective in certain areas ...
i seldom recluse myself. although i will sometimes..
naturally now i would avoid the crowd .. i have spent e last amost 22hrs in my little cubicle at home..
later i got to have a social gathering coz theres a family bbq nite i got to arrange to check in at that bungalow.
until then so much of my endless stories n melancholic entry on a bright sunday morning...
there is a lot to explore. many possibilities.. but it can only be fulfiled n realized if you choose to make it happen.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
pleasant weekday on my off day
with loud music blasting @ my ears n e breeze frm the fan... everyting looks pretty fine on a peaceful wed in spite of my colleague calling me @ 10.30 am in the morning.
is a drive n passion that drives u to perform n exceed ur own potential.. n tis is driving me... each day i wake up ..
y we work so hard ..
darling.....u r my source of inspiration... n i never want to lose u.
is a drive n passion that drives u to perform n exceed ur own potential.. n tis is driving me... each day i wake up ..
y we work so hard ..
darling.....u r my source of inspiration... n i never want to lose u.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Tues morning @ 1.07am
As other frens has described, "he" is indeed a "nice guy"' who has strong morals ... kind, patient, & understanding person .I do appreciate the little acts from him, n our brief blissful moments while trying to find time togetherUnfortuately to all the gals out there ,hes been taken up.. So far theres not much complaints about tis wonderful beau.If there was anyting that was lacking would be time, however this is no longer an issue becoz love transcends time & we both got a common understanding to work tings out n we have faith in each other.We have both embarked on a new journey together n tis is only the begining. Nevertheless, we will still continue to strive for our goals n achieve happines together..loving you alwayssam ^_^
as mentioned above tis was a testimonial i wrote for him..
I have dated otther people out there.. but e vibes tat he sent is certainly different frm the rest this time.
i reckon there is a switch of roles sometimes between the man n the gal friend.. e classic new age sensitive guy whos ever so thoughtful towards his gal.. tat is truly a blessing.. n all gd tings have got to b waited on.. harvested ....
this is the far most relaxed relationship i m in now without having to inflict external or added stress on each other.. n continues to progress each n every day
PFG or plaster fat guy has been one of the " nicest" boss who takes good cares of his subordinates ,,, no doubt hes result orientated , he has imparted some of the most important skills to me in the team... we seem to synchronise work more smoothly now as times goes by .. the performance has also improved as compared to other teams in the cluster..
i have 2 weekends to rest n start my long awaited revison n tutorial preparation ....
it will b another 1 month or so before i c him.. n shortly another round of separation.. its gonna b hard but its part n parcel.. in order to appreciate the warmth of the sun., sometimes one has to experience long periods of pitch darkness in order to understand better the extreme of the latter n treasure tings which we always take for granted for.. like those people who would get behind to lend us a hand when we are lost or troubled console us when we are terribly down n depressed..to be always supportive , behind us n catch us when we fall , bring us happiness when we least expect it.. my baby... yeah u r the one for me... how would i have been if i never met u again..
=)
0126hrs
101006
as mentioned above tis was a testimonial i wrote for him..
I have dated otther people out there.. but e vibes tat he sent is certainly different frm the rest this time.
i reckon there is a switch of roles sometimes between the man n the gal friend.. e classic new age sensitive guy whos ever so thoughtful towards his gal.. tat is truly a blessing.. n all gd tings have got to b waited on.. harvested ....
this is the far most relaxed relationship i m in now without having to inflict external or added stress on each other.. n continues to progress each n every day
PFG or plaster fat guy has been one of the " nicest" boss who takes good cares of his subordinates ,,, no doubt hes result orientated , he has imparted some of the most important skills to me in the team... we seem to synchronise work more smoothly now as times goes by .. the performance has also improved as compared to other teams in the cluster..
i have 2 weekends to rest n start my long awaited revison n tutorial preparation ....
it will b another 1 month or so before i c him.. n shortly another round of separation.. its gonna b hard but its part n parcel.. in order to appreciate the warmth of the sun., sometimes one has to experience long periods of pitch darkness in order to understand better the extreme of the latter n treasure tings which we always take for granted for.. like those people who would get behind to lend us a hand when we are lost or troubled console us when we are terribly down n depressed..to be always supportive , behind us n catch us when we fall , bring us happiness when we least expect it.. my baby... yeah u r the one for me... how would i have been if i never met u again..
=)
0126hrs
101006
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)