pondering....

had a nice chill out with my pals... over dinner n coffee..
there r probbabbly a dozen questions i 've thinking
does e problem lies with me, or m i just being too insecure of myself or him .
r we suited , is tat e kind of man i m seeking? some long term partner ideally
do i pose as a nuisance sometimes , attention seeking ? no i m not,, just sharing some recent updates instead of living each day on our own separate lives .. separately like as though we were not attached in the first place.. emotionally detached should b the term.. i m talking to air.. smsing to invisible.. there r no comments. no response. i should save all my comments to myself ?
strangely i m nt upset this time but rather i m considering is this e kind of attitude i should be receiving from someone i know or perhaps i shouldnt b even reacting or self responding?
i m e lame one here.. or i shouldnt be doing such tings?
perhaps there r a milion things i dun understand abt him n the only link i can group here is academics.. n besides that , character similarities is probabbly another factor that we can click, however the lack of communication does pose as a hindrance.
clearly there is some common ground that there is a need to focus on personal goals.. that should b the way but somehow it feels strange. y is it like this. its so alienated , its like e only term in my head, is there someting wrong but i cant pin point whats e error.
besides it should be lovey dovey , but its nt.
m i a leech, m i demanding. m i childish. m i on the wrong track. m i happy. should i b happy with such an outcome like that .
r we supposed to b together ?
is tat a wrong time to get involved?
is that a reason for that sort of behavior, is there any solution for such a problem.
how can i improve on such a situation, is there a better way out there ?
should i just relax n let tings go on it own course.
can i leave tings as it is now n expect it to roll on its own
is there a mis match between 2 unique individuals that cause certain irreconcilable differences , opinions , values , understanding, unintended consequences , the questions linger in my head , & i decided not to pursue further because this is nt veri healthy. it cause unnecessary strain in the process. n having heard of the little domestic episodes , there was a consensus , there will alwaysbe conflict.. its inevitable n there r certain measures to contain it. n a lot depends on the individual whether it can be resolved , 2 sides of a issue on the controversy. it can make or break an individual .
e maturity of this person accounts for the own actions n the impact on the people around this "self"..based by the terms of morals , intelligence . attitudes n behavior... i read abt this smart person at the papers ,, using his gifted intellectual intelligence to commit crimes, fraud. using it inappropriately which in turns results in deviancy n "punishment " towards such unaccepted mistake. tis tarnish his "record" which could b veri well promising. e wrong path n its the end.
hes a tough case to crack.
i should mind my own business afterall
its not worth e effort anyway. or issit false consciousness , that i m blinded to some imperfections. or maybe there s no explanation at all.
i done all i could.
e rest is ...........................................................
2351hrs 261006