E beautiful tings u hold tightly with u

http://health.msn.com/centers/depression/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100100328

1016am 151006

there is just too much to mention namely the beautiful things.

ur lovely parents.. perhaps ur beloved ones or even ur significant half...we dun have to mention names.,. they r deeply engraved in our memories. my mum is someone i dun want to forget..
its been a gd 12 yrs without her, some of e happy memories r still fresh in my head.. even as long as i was 7. Being the only princess of the house, ur mum is just one extraordinary person who would spend time dolling u up. whipping nice dishes in the kitchen which in my case.. it was opposite.

mum was always on the move.. i would remember her flipping thru her appointment book. rushing to appointments n reminding me to be independent & to behave while i take care of myself in the house by myself.she was always so full of energy ,so bubbly n motivated to b a homemaker n a terrific sales person. i would end up my mum's PA sometimes answering her callls.. so my sales flair begins when i was just a kid..
there were some words i remember her telling me..
be good t o your father if i cant take care of u someday..
b a strong person n stand up on ur own..
always believe in yourself n dun depend on other ppl..

i recall being so clingy to her like a koala bearin bed.. always bugging her to wake up to make desserts n cookies n refusing to give her her shoes to get out of the house for her appointments.hahaha i was such a little gal then..
unti lthen i didnt realize how much effort she put in to pull the family together... but i always end up that my dad didnt understand up & cause much conflicts n tension. proabbly coz she didnt have the concentration, her dishes sometimes turn up funny or even weird to a certain extent.. my bro would just reject those dishes coz it tasted so horrendous.. probabbly u remember 2 extreme tings.. e most wonderful food u taste n e worst. my dad was e worst.. he just dump everyting in the garbarge.. its rubbish to him..
thats when suddenly those food disappear n its replaced by my dad who turns out to b a worse chef than mum.. we end up playing scissors paper stone to decide who gets to finish up the "worse dish" if nt my dad will blow up coz his culinary efforts is not recognised n appreciated.There were times of my dark periods when i had my fights with my dad ended up slaming both our doors n back to our room..periods of missing tis endearing person who would b on ur side.tat i would describe ..it was much regret that she cant c me now... all grown up n we could have gone for a spa or shopping together.. everyting on me.. going on tour with her..there were so many tings i wished i could share with her.. in stead of complaining to her whenever i visit her in mt vernon. it feels incomplete sometimes , some insecurity when u were jsut a kid.. u pin all ur hopes on ur parents to find it all dashed... now back to present.. as age catches our fights diminishes like the economics law of marginal utility/ although there s still some endless nagging frm him. Its been a long way now. viv did mention to me now tat u survive on ur own for those last odd 10 over years.. so when my relationship was on e rocks, she reassurred me everytime will b fine ...
my first breakup when i was 19
e yr 1994
n tat was like e most bitter chapter of my life moments of anguish n hatred n repulsiveness i choose nt to relive it although some flashes of memories just appear ... it doent affects me now . nt anymore..

i woke up today pondering over my conversation with him last nite.. do i really belong to the senseless dumb category whos easily unfluenced.. dee p down i dun tink i m... i tink i m more selective in certain areas ...

i seldom recluse myself. although i will sometimes..

naturally now i would avoid the crowd .. i have spent e last amost 22hrs in my little cubicle at home..
later i got to have a social gathering coz theres a family bbq nite i got to arrange to check in at that bungalow.

until then so much of my endless stories n melancholic entry on a bright sunday morning...

there is a lot to explore. many possibilities.. but it can only be fulfiled n realized if you choose to make it happen.